Rosa: A Wangxian Reincarnation Story

The Reason For Torment

he whimpers started again. They came once a night, every night. Qinyang laid her book aside. A small lamp illuminated the bedroom, darkness was always banished in their home. Yenay was terror-stricken if she woke in the dark. She lay down beside the sleeping woman, on top of the covers, then reached around her and held her. It took a while to soothe her, but she cradled her in a steady embrace, singing in her husky contralto until Yenay settled back to sleep. Then she felt certain about going to her bed on the other side of the room. Yenay usually slept through the rest of the night undisturbed.

Qinyang hated this enforced loneliness, She wanted so much to stay, even snuggle under the covers if allowed, but she knew Yenay was not able to endure even that small amount of intimacy. Sexual abuse, from both men and women, had taken its toll and the damage was extreme. Even though her core Soldier wanted to return, the journey would be difficult. The desire to even try was one of the most courageous steps she had ever seen her Love attempt. Her Beauty wanted to come back. That was more than Qinyang had ever dreamed of. A soft sob broke through her lips and she squeezed them tightly together. It was too much sometimes, but she had waited before, she would wait again. No matter what she did to suppress her sorrow tonight, though, it was too much, and she buried her face in her pillow and allowed the silent tears to have their release. Some nights it just became overwhelming. She wept awhile. Then, she felt a light weight depress the edge of the bed. A small hand touched her shoulder.

It was Yenay.

"I am sorry."

Qinyang tried to stop, but could not.

Yenay. Her Yenay was sitting beside her.

"I do not want you to be sad, my Sun. Please do not cry."

Her Yenay was trying to comfort her. She turned over carefully, as if afraid of startling a fawn, and wiped tears and snot from her face. Yenay offered a handkerchief. 

"You are as bad as Lan Zhan. Never a handkerchief"

Qinyang gave a feeble laugh and mopped away the mess.

"I do not want you to feel unhappy, Qinyang."

"I try not to."

"I do not want you to feel this way for my sake."

"I try not to. But it hurts when you feel nothing but pain. You deserve more and I can't find a way to help."

"Pain has been my existence since my parents died. We are old companions. And you do help me."

"I do?"

"Yes. You have taken me under your protection and given me safety. And for some reason, you have always loved this broken thing. I know that you hold me every night."

Qinyang drew back and stared. " What? When?"

"I gradually became aware. At first, I lay there, terrified. Then I became used to it. The few times, when you would go away and leave me with others, I found I missed it. It brings me comfort. You have a pretty voice.