Rosa: A Wangxian Reincarnation Story

Priorities

I lay down but no nap comes. I am wired, buzzing as if infused with electrical charges that are going off intermittingly, without warning. I sit upright and dial Brother Xavier's number. He answers, straight to business as usual. "Scott? Are you alright?" "HanGuang Jun..." Our code for a sighting and I heard dead silence as he drops the cell and scrambles to pick it up again. "Where?" "Here. In Charlottesville "HERE?" "Once at the theater last night. Once at my office. Come quickly. Something is wrong. I need advice." Nothing. I glance down at the face of my phone and see he has already disconnected. Within 15 minutes he is at the door and I have tea ready, copious amounts of tea. Xavier grabs my shoulders, looking deep into my eyes. He reads my truth and he also sees my despair. He sits me down and says. "Tell me." From the beginning." So, I do. But when I get to the part, the awful, sad part, that he has worse than lost his memories of our one thousand lifetimes together, that he has been given the deep cleansing both Lan Zhan and I had been dreading for thousands of years, I begin to cry for the first time. "Oh God. I am to blame. Me, as usual. He tried to save me again, at the death camp, knowing it was impossible. I was doomed. He could have lived. But he attacked them and eventually the enemy overwhelmed him, kicking him to death. As I started to scream, his last action was to silence me with a wave of his hand. And I saw it in his eyes. He wanted to die, so I would not die alone. My beautiful man. I felt him beside me in the gas chamber at the moment of my death. Then he was gone. No wonder he accepted the memory dispersion this time. How much more could he suffer for me? Of course, he just became worn out. Of course, he needed his freedom." I look into Xavier's sad brown eyes and I say, "I do not want his peace disturbed, Brother. He has chosen to separate and I can submit to this." "I can't bear to see this. I know my brother very well. He would not do this to willingly hurt you. There must be lessons for you both to still learn." He hands me a handkerchief and tries to comfort me. "Have patience. These things happen for a reason. Alain is someone who needs to be in your life. Perhaps in a manner that you did not expect. Perhaps for a small bit of time. Perhaps for longer. Are you willing to accept some advice?" I sniffle, nod and wipe my eyes. "Good. Accept his invitation to dinner and get to know him as he is now. Accept this challenge from above and what it demands of you. The sacrifice of releasing your lover, your husband may be yours to make this time. He has stepped in to save you many times even before the Nightless City and always with full free will. Can you stand it, if nothing comes of it this time or, worse, you just become friends? Nothing more?" "Yes. If it is what he needs. Of course I can." "Can you bear seeing Lan Zhan happy with another?" "Y...Yes. If it is what he needs." "Good. Then I believe you can do anything you are required to do in this lifetime." "Lan XiChen...I really hate..." "What do you hate?" "That you are so damn good at your profession." "So do I, Little Brother. So do I." I stare at the card for an hour after Xavier leaves later that evening. Pushing those numbers takes a long time. Then the soft baritone speaks and I melt as usual. I have waited so long to hear him again. "Bonjour. This is Alain Blanc. May I help you?" I find myself tongue-tied and clear my throat. I hear a light, dry chuckle on the other end. "Monsieur Beall, is that you? Are we on for dinner after all?" Of all the arrogant confidence! My Lan Zhan would never be so cavalier...But then, this is Alain Blanc. Who knows what can of worms I have opened. I am an older Millennial. He is clearly Gen Z all the way; more daring, more self-aware, and self-assured. I suddenly feel, a little old. Oh dear, I could become a Gege in this relationship. Am I ready for this? "Yes, Mr. Blanc. I think I would like to go to dinner with you." "Wonderful. I was hoping you would agree. What would you like to eat?" "Anything, as long as it's spicy." "I am curious. Why did you decide to go out with me?" "I never like to leave a debt unpaid." 'All I did was wipe your brow. Not a debt worth consideration." "I have learned that there are no small debts in life, Mr. Blanc." "Alain." "Alain." "I will call you with arrangements. Are you free on Friday...Scott?" The call ends and I sit, holding the phone and realizing I feel light, as much in love as ever before...with a total stranger. The phone rang again and I pick it up. "Alain?" "No. Xavier. But it sounds like you called him, And...?" "We have a da...dinner for Friday. " "I hope it goes well. I hear the excitement in your voice. Please guard your heart." "It's been many years since I have had to do that with Lan Zhan. How do I begin?" "I have no idea." "One thing we did not hit on. What happens if, even without memories, he learns to like me again? Do I fade back and leave him alone or do I develop a relationship with him, new and less complicated? Or will hiding our past from him become a complication in itself?" " I have no idea." "You are supposed to have the magic answers, Big Brother." "These are uncharted waters for me, too, Scott. He will not know me as well. I am trying to prepare myself for that." " Perhaps this is his time to shine, like Venus, hanging above, brilliant, alone, and like no other star in the sky. A white diamond you think is close but is so distant and untouchable. So you do not dare to reach for it." "I am worried for you, Wei Ying. More than I have ever been worried about. Please be careful." "So am I, XiChen. But to be around him once more. To know he walks the same ground as I do, again. It will be a glorious pain. One I want very much to endure.""