Control (Dark Romance)

Chapter 30

"Do you regret it?"

I stare at Hagen, wondering if he'd suddenly gone mad, but he doesn't look insane when he peeks up at me. He looks scared.

"It's not for everyone, I hear." He tacts on quickly, "I mean, I don't know if it'll be for me—" his eyes suddenly bulge, threatening to pop, "that's if we ever... get there. I mean, we probably will if we keep—" his face turns beet red, flooding with enough colour for my protective magics around him to activate. "keep... going the way we are."

Hagen sighs, exhausted before he looks at me properly, "Do you not want to do... that again? 'Cause it's fine if you don't."

Hagen was not an idiot, but sometimes, he challenged that fact with terrifying determination.

"Hagen, you have a terrible habit of asking a question and then unnecessarily expanding on it before I have the chance to reply. Did you know that?"

"Yeah," he replies with no shame I can spot. "It is what it is, now answer the question."

I stop myself from asking which.

"Hagen," I breathe exasperatedly, "no, I do not regret it. Yes, I want to do it again. Yes, the act of sucking your cock until you cum down my throat is very much for me. There is no doubt about that. I have been acting strange since it happened, not because I didn't like it, but because I liked it too much."

Surprisingly, embarrassment does not accost me, it takes hold of Hagen instead. If he were beet red before, the colour in his cheek descends to a more maroon shade as he stares at me with a lax jaw.

"Nikola... what the fuck."

"You made me share," I defend. I knew it was too much, but he'd forced me to share, and so he could not act horrified now.

Silence lingers for a moment before Hagen's gaze drops to my lips, and a near sly smile twists his own upwards, "....Did you really like it that much?"

I lean forward, "You know I did."

Hagen makes a sound, an elated sort of guttural sound, and then he's falling back onto his side of the bed, laughing. It's a confusing reaction, but he's smiling and happy so I do not worry.

"You're insane," he breathes.

I lay myself back down, staring at him, "Allegedly. Now, what were you saying?"

His nose wrinkles quickly, "It feels weird talking about it now that blowjobs are on the table."

"Oh, so you can say the word," I reply, and Hagen's smile turns delightfully boyish.

"You're funny when you want to be, you know."

I shrug. Hagen's grin doubles, and his eyes glow.

My heart does something worrisome then, and then there's this awful sinking feeling.

It's not fear. Fear was colder, and this was warm. It's something sharper, something that cuts through me and this moment, and shifts things.

The need to touch Hagen becomes astounding, and not in the manner of simply holding him or pleasuring him. It's a carnal, primal urge to consume him that rivals every battle I'd ever faced when it came to wanting Hagen.

This— whatever it is— makes the need I'd felt on my birthday, when the mate bond first came into full fruition, seem like a daydream.

I close my eyes, taking a moment to breathe slowly and gather my magic as I'd grown accustomed to doing since I'd started living with Hagen, but the exercise doesn't bring the usual peace it was supposed to.