Control (Dark Romance)

Chapter 30

Nikola's P.O.V

It wasn't that I overindulged. I didn't.

In fact, I stopped myself from going further, but it was still a mistake.

Though it was not a mistake in the sense that I'd 'behaved in a misjudged fashion', it was a mistake in the sense that I'd been 'wrong' about what kind of effect furthering intimacies with my mate would have on me.

It was too much, which was rather embarrassing when I considered it, but then, when I truly thought about it, it wasn't embarrassing at all. How could it be when one would have to be well and truly mad not to dorm a cavernous fixation on Hagen Calderon after having tasted him?

I wasn't mad. At least not in that sense. Perhaps in the turn my thoughts had taken since Hagen came in my mouth— well...

"Are you listening?" Hagen asks before he frowns. "I don't think you're listening," and it was the horrible truth. I wasn't listening.

I'd never thought that possible. I'd grown up hanging on every word Hagen uttered, which made it all the more painful when the words he spoke were hateful ones. But personal traumas aside, I inherently hung on Hagen's words— and not in the figurative sense. Or, I used to before every moment of my waking thoughts had become a symphony of his moans and the way his legs trembled violently when he was about to cum.

I shouldn't know that information. I should as his mate, but as the person who loved Hagen more than anything on this planet, I really should not know that information.

"Nikola!" Hagen snaps, and I jolt as he sits up, stunned to find myself lost in thought again. Hagen's stare is accusatory now as he asks, "What the hell is going on with you?"

I open my mouth, but I stall on the truth.

I didn't want to tell Hagen that my usually sharp mind had become a fried mess since the moment he'd looked down at me with tearful brown eyes after he'd cum from the combination of my mouth on him and my magic.

It wasn't strange per se, but it felt like a rather glaring testament to my age, and I favoured nothing that led him to remember that.

"I... am..." I start, and Hagen stares at me, waiting. Waiting and elevating my disarray with his... him. "I am—"

"You are, what?" He prods, shifting once more to better face me.

We were in bed, seeing as it had only been a matter of hours since the sun had risen and I with it, unable to sleep or move with Hagen dozing beside me. He hadn't entangled us together, but he'd been closer than usual, and with the memory of the day before still so close to the surface, I'd been mummified.

Now, here he was, still lying in bed with me— though now he was fixed on his side— and close, so very horribly close.

"Broken," I whisper. "You broke me."

"I—" Hagen blinks several times as his annoyance shifts quickly to utter confusion. "What?"

"No. Ignore that." I say, sitting up quickly to face him. "I was lost in thought for a moment. What were you saying?"

"You just said that I 'broke you' and you want me to just—" he makes a weird gesture with his hands, "smooth on by?"

"Yes." Hagen's expression shifts to a 'deadpan'. "Please?"

"No?" he retorts in the same tone. "You've been acting weird for a while now. Since Saturday... since...." Hagen doesn't finish, but his sudden interest in the bundled sheets between us says what he can't.

Usually, this was where my excitement at his bashfulness fuelled me to speak to Hagen with a surety that his demeanour prompted out of me, but seemed alarmingly natural between us, but for the first time, I can't.