Hello : Goodbye : Hello

Chapter 3 : Hello, Is It Me You're Looking For?

"Papaano mo masasabi na mahal na mahal ka ng isang tao kung ang simpleng pago-online niya sa Messenger niya, di niya masabi sa iyo?"

That got me into thinking. Tama nga naman siya. Mahal daw ako ni Gab, pero simpleng hi or hello man lang sa Messenger di niya magawa sa akin? Mas inaasikaso niya pa mga kakilala at kaibigan niya?

"Sa akin lang kasi, ang pagtitiwala sa isang tao, it's a decision made by that person. Sabi nga ni Patrick kay SpongeBob, trusting you is my decision. Proving me wrong is your choice." He was puffing his cigarette whilst looking at the vast emptiness that surrounds us. First time ko marinig ang mga salita na iyon sa kanya. Masakit siya magsalita, oo, but he makes a lot of sense.

"Mahirap magtiwala sa isang tao kapag siya mismo ang naguukit ng cracks sa tiwalang ibinigay mo" sabi nito muli sa akin, habang nakangiti. Mapangasar siyang tao, at least sa unang nakikita ko. But there's a certain sincerity with how he delivers those words.

"But you need to take what I said with a grain of salt. Or even a speck of pepper. Ano nga naman ang weight ng salita ng isang tao muntikan nang mamatay, di ba?"

"Sobra ka naman, Lean" I replied. Parang wala na akong maisagot pa sa sinabi niyang iyon. I understand what he was feeling at that specific time. I have a feeling that maybe, just maybe, a person that he trusted and loved has destroyed his trust.

"Anyway, it's up to you kung kukunin mo ang point of view ng isang tao na may tama na din sa utak. Pero, may mga kaibigan ka din naman, and malamang may mga nagsasabi na din sa iyo na you're putting your trust in the wrong hands."

Para talagang kakilalang-kakilala na ako ng tao na ito. Marami na din akong kaibigan na nagsasabi na huwag daw ako masyado magtitiwala. I just dismissed their warnings as hearsay."

"Saka iyung pagsasabi mo nang I love you I love you na iyan, palagay mo - Ilang ibang mga tao kaya ang sinasabihan niya ng I love you?

I just shook my head sa sinabi niyang iyon. Alam ko naman na nagbibiro lang siya. It was just part of his sarcastic personality. Masakit naman talaga siya magsalita.

Pero he makes absolute sense.

***

"Ilang ibang tao kaya ang sinasabihan niya ng I love you?"

His voice was echoing in my head. Those words seem to imprint themselves into my mind. Alam ko ayaw niya magtanim ng doubt sa utak ko, pero the way Gab's been acting, what are the chances nga naman?

Apektado tuloy pati ang pagtulog ko sa sinabi niyang iyon. Sa tinagal-tagal nga naman naming magkasama, what are the chances na sinasabi niya lang ang mga salitang iyon as lip service? Dahil wala lang siya masabi? Or nakasanayan na lang niya?

Ang dami ko din mga tanong na naisip tungkol sa lalakeng iyon. Sa totoo lang, for someone that brushes away any scrutiny about his personal life, parang lahat nang sinasabi niya was due to his personal experiences. I needed to fInd out a way for him to spill all the beans behind all his cryptic words.

I needed to know him better.

Kaya maaga akong pumasok nang araw na iyon. Habang nagda-drive ako papuntang work, I was already planning on how to make him speak and confess. Ang labo niya lang kasi. For someone with a happy facade, there seems to be a certain hurt that needed to be healed.

The rooms were in total chaos when I reached the hospital. Three male nurses were nursing their wounds, habang doctors were running around. Wala namang emergency ngayong araw na ito. Bakit parang lahat ng tao, aligaga?

"Si Mr. Barcelona, Doc. Bigla na lang nagwala" sabi ni Arthur, isa sa mga male nurses. I was about to ask them why pero dahil mga Pinoy, I didn't need to.

May bisita daw si Lean kaninang hapon lang daw, Babae daw, parang girlfriend niya yata. They were talking for at least 30 minutes when all of a sudden, si Lean daw, bigla na lang nag-amok. They tried to calm him down to no avail daw, so one of the doctors suggested na they inject him with a sedative. They tried calling Dr. Andalusia din daw but his phone wasn't ringing. I hurriedly went to my room just to put down my bag and checked his situation.

He was still sleeping when I went to his room. I checked on his vitals muna, and they all seem to be okay naman. But there's this look in his face that doesn't seem to show that. Hindi siya parang problemado o anything. Parang malungkot na malungkot lang ang aura na ipinakikita niya. A certain sadness that lurks within that happy facade.

And that certain sadness seems to affect me too.

I decided to stay at his room for the night. Ginawa ko na lang office ang kaniyang kuwarto. I told the nurses on duty to give me a call na lang if ever they needed me. Buti na lang may kasama akong ibang doctor that night.

A few hours has passed when I heard a rustling on the bed in front of me. Napatingin ako sa pinanggalingan ng ingay na iyon. I saw Lean looking at me, smiling. It was a beautiful smile, no doubt about it, pero it was sad. Definitely sad. I approached my patient and asked him how he feels. At kagaya nang dati, sabi niya na ayos daw lang siya.

"Do you need anything ba?" I ended up asking him. Why? I don't know. Hindi naman ako ang bantay niya para magtanong sa kanya biglang kailangan niya.

"Mayroon" sagot nito sa akin, then dahan-dahang umupo sa gilid ng kanyang kama. He then smiled at me, a happier smile, then cleared his throat.

"Gusto ko nang kasamang mag-yosi."