Hello : Goodbye : Hello

Chapter 3 : Hello, Is It Me You're Looking For?

I decided to check on the messages on my phone instead. For the sake of my undies. Saka para i-check na din kung may message na sa akin si Gab. It's been what? Eight days na since we last spoke?

Saw that he was online about five minutes ago sa kanyang messenger. Parang may tampo pa rin sa akin iyon. I know that I shouldn't acted the way I acted a week ago. He has his own life. And he has his own business to take care of. Dapat naging mas mature na lang din ako. People forget a lot of things din naman. So dapat di na lang ako parang bata na nagtampo dahil nalimutan niya ang anniversary namin.

Napansin ko na nakatitig sa akin si Lean pagkatapos kong mag-message kay Gab. Nakangiti lang ito, iyung nang-aasar na ngiti.

"Boyfriend mo?"

I just nodded. He took out his pack of cigarettes and offered me a stick. Nakatingin pala sa phone ko ang gago. Kaya siya tawa ng tawa.

"Alam mo, napaka-chismoso mo din ano?" sabi ko na lang sa kanya, then pinatay ko ang screen ng aking phone. Normally, maasar na ako sa mga taong ganito. They don't respect the privacy of others. Pero bakit di ko magawa maasar sa kanya?

"Your phone was staring at me, Dra. Gil. And your fonts are parang pang bulag na" he laughed na parang nang-aasar pa.

"Parang billboard lang sa Guadalupe ang fonts ng phone mo ano. It's as if it's saying read me, senpai."

Lean just let out a sigh then took his attention away from me. The streets of Manila was crowded, but I never felt more alone at that period of time.

"I suggest na you stop checking your phone over and over again. He's active online. He was free. But not for you."

Sinimangutan ko na lang si Lean, then asked for his lighter. The silence between us was too hard to bare, but it was an understood silence. Naiintinidihan namin ang pananahimik naming iyon.

"So, kumusta kayo ng boyfriend mo?"

"We're fine naman, thanks?"

"Nakupo" he started fidgeting like a worm na inasinan.

"It's fine na iyan, delikado iyan. Fine means Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional, Dra. Tin Gil."

I gave out a sigh, then closed my eyes. Mind reader ba ang hayop na ito?

"If you want, you can tell me all about your problems. Para pambayad ko na din sa pagliligtas mo sa buhay ko."

I looked at him and looked straight into his eyes. Sabi sa akin ni mom dati, the eyes are the window of the soul. And they cannot lie. He seems sincere sa offer niyang iyon. Too sincere, in fact, na muntik na ako malunod sa kanyang mga titig.

"But if you don't want to, that's okay din naman" he said, removing his gaze from me. He just took another stick of his pack, then lit it up.

"May tampuhan lang kami sa ngayon" I just whispered to the wind. He just stood there as I began ranting, quietly listening to whatever I was saying. Para lang siyang psychologist na nakikinig sa bawat rant ko, carefully analysing my psychological state.

"Quick one. What's with all the I love you's you were texting him?"

"Ako kasi ang may kasalanan din. I was acting like a child. I should've checked his point of view din naman" I just told him. Ayaw ko na nang drama.

"I see. Pero iyung punto de vista mo ba, nararamdaman mong nakikita niya?"

"Mahal pa rin naman ako ng tao. Mahal na mahal pa rin ako ni Gab" pagpapalusot ko na lang sa kanya. Kahit sa likod ng isip ko, I'm beginning to have doubts na rin.