you're on your own, kid

Chapter 18 - The New Year Debacle

"Great to meet you," Lena said, but her tone said otherwise. She soon walked into our apartment, placing the groceries on the table before heading into her room.

"She was cold," Christiaan said, laughing.

"Yeah, well, this was a tad unexpected," I answered him, a lack of excitement very clear in my voice.

"I thought it would be a nice surprise," he replied. I looked at him, and even though there was very little love between us, I felt for him. I wasn't good to him, and I didn't want that to translate the same, even two years later.

"It is," I soon said, going over to him. "It's nice to see you." I pressed a hand to his cheek, before heading into the kitchen, to grab something to drink. "You want something?"

We spent the afternoon catching up on almost everything. I took him to my room and we sat on the floor, drinking. He had brought a few treats with him from Amsterdam, and even though that was definitely not allowed, having traveled by car, there was no checking along the way.

I opened the window, pulling the cigarette into my mouth, and breathing it in.

"Reminds me of home," I laughed, as the smell filled my room. I felt his eyes on me, but I tried my best to ignore it. I didn't want to think of us as anything more than friends. What we were before is different now.

"I've really missed you, Milas." I felt him come over to me, his body leaning near mine. I breathed it in for a moment before I realized what was going on. I moved away, handing him to cigarette.

"I'm sorry, Christiaan..." He backed off as I started to say this, taking a drag himself.

"So, who is it then?"

"Sorry?" I asked, confused.

"Who has your heart now?" I laughed, taking another swig of my drink. It was nice to feel my head become a little lighter now.

"My heart?"

"Yeah."

"Just someone." I didn't want to say anything. I didn't want to tell him what was going through my head. He wouldn't get it.

"You should introduce me," he laughed. I looked away, chuckling softly.

"That's never going to happen."

"Why?"

You've already met her, I felt like saying, but I didn't. I took another drink before looking back up to him.

"Because you don't need to." He grudged, not wanting to get on my bad side.

The day soon turned to night, and I felt myself knock on Lena's door. I wanted to go inside. I wanted to be with her, not with him. I'd already spent more time with Christiaan in the last five hours than I had with him since I left Amsterdam.

"Hi," I said, walking into her room and closing the door behind me. She had just changed into some going-out clothes, as the party was soon about to start.

"Hey," she answered, looking at me up and down. I was wearing a small, black top, with no fabric on the back. My skirt was short, but not too short, and the boots landed on my knees.

"Can I wear your jacket?" I asked her, laughing softly.

"The black one?" she confirmed, and I nodded my head. She walked into her wardrobe grabbing it for me, and throwing it across to me. There was a tension between us that we both felt. For a while, I thought it had disappeared, but it really hadn't. Nothing had changed, except now it was worse.

Now I had Christiaan to deal with too.

I was going to say something; speak some words that we were both feeling. But I didn't. I took the jacket before walking out, seeing Christiaan sitting on our couch.