Desirable (mxm)

twenty-six; back on track

My heart bleeds into my chest. "If I hurt him, I'd–"

Layla watches me carefully. "You'd what?"

"Never be able to live with myself and the destruction I've caused."

"As much as you want to do this for Nate, do it for yourself Milo. I know you want to be happy but somewhere deep inside you, you think that you don't deserve it." She speaks so gently that my eyes begin to sting. "You are in control of your life, remind yourself daily what you want from it. Have you been focusing on your coping mechanisms?"

I shake my head. "Not as well as I could be."

"Okay, well let's refresh our memories with them and see how they could have been applied to the day at the park with Nate."

My lungs inhale a big breath and I tell myself to focus, I should do this. For myself.

♥

After my session I head to the kitchen where Fran is making food, I greet her, along with Everett and Reign. I inhale the smell of the meal cooking on the stove. It's been so long since I had something decent to eat and I know I need to get some nutrition down me.

"How are you feeling?" Reign asks as I perch on the stool.

I nod as Fran plates up for me and I nod. "Okay, my session with Layla helped."

Everett leans onto the counter beside me. "I'm pleased Nate could get you out of bed."

"Yeah," I mumble. "Me too."

Reign's hand places on my shoulder and I glance at her as I reach for my fork. "You know we care about you so much, right?"

I swallow down my dry throat. "Of course. I'm sorry for how I acted, I just had a bad day and it spiralled. I'm sorry for talking to you like that, and you Everett."

"It's okay," she assures me. "It's okay to have bad days, we just want to be there to support you."

"I don't want to feel like a burden," I admit and take a mouthful of the paella in front of me.

Everett shakes his head. "You are never a burden. I will keep saying it until you believe it. Don't you think that we all have down days? You don't need to push yourself away and deal with it alone, that is what family is for."

"We want you to be happy," Reign says quietly

"I know," I nod because I do know.

They care about me. They care so deep and it makes me feel guilty for acting so immature. They deserve better than this mess of a man but I guess I'm the only person who can sort that out, I have to be better in the future.

"Are things with you and Nate good?"

"Yeah," I say instantly. Because they are. "I felt better after speaking to him."

Reign smiles and rests her head on her fist. "That's what mates are for, to remind us that things will be okay in the end. I'm glad you have him, even if we're not your first point of call, I'm glad you have him. He really, really cares about you."

My heart warms at her statement. "I know he does. He's been really supportive since finding out about my addiction."

"As he should be," Everett nods. "It doesn't define you."

I finish eating up my meal as I subtly try and change the subject. I've had far too much mental stimulation today with all my thoughts and feelings. I need a break. Everett excuses himself to his office but not before he gives me a hug and whispers in my ear, "I wouldn't change a thing about you."

My eyes water at his words.

Fran cleans up the kitchen as I turn to Reign. "Want to go for a run?"

She nods eagerly. "Yes, most definitely."

We head out into the woodland behind our house and shift into our wolves. Boy is it good to stretch out my limbs, I knew they were seizing up from staying in the same position for days on end.
I really am sorry for making you cry. I tell her as we wizz through the trees.

I'm just an emotional mess. Seeing you sad makes me sad. But I understand. I used to say horrible things all the time because I wanted to deflect how I feel.

My paws grind into the dirt as I allow my heart rate to increase and for my wolf to enjoy this moment with nature. It's been a long time coming and I have Nate to thank for getting me out of my depressive state.

I don't know what I did to deserve a friend and a sister like you.

We halt against the ground and we stop by a huge clearing. She stares back at me with those crystal eyes, even though her wolf is small, she's extremely mighty and the best Luna we could ever wish for.

I don't know what I did to deserve a friend and a brother like you either.

My wolf smiles back at her and I curve my back and stretch, allowing the bones to crack loudly. Nate is a really good man. I say to her.

I know. She nods. He came here because he was worried about you.

Guilt rides in my stomach, remembering how I shut him out for days.

I want to be the best mate I can possibly be.

Then just be you. He wouldn't want you to be anyone else.

At the thought of Nate being in my bed earlier, I feel my hairs stand on end. I miss him already. I want him in my bed again. Not once did my mind flicker to the idea of doing other things with him, I just wanted him there to hold me.

And maybe that's a step forward.

Because I've grown an emotional connection to him, not a sexual one.

Layla might be right, I can be capable of being in a relationship through the bonds I make without the desire for sex. It might be what I needed to settle this addiction and crave something else that isn't a high from climaxing.

I want to get that high from spending quality time with him, getting to know him.

That puts a genuine smile on my face and it's the first time in months where I have thought positively about everything.

♥ ♥ ♥

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Author's Note

All hail Nate for helping Milo get out of his depressive state!!

Also that talk with Layla❤️ he really needed to hear all those things

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