After the Walls

Chapter 40

"Elle, I need you to make a promise to me, too," he says, his voice cracking.

Neither of us is ready to say goodbye.

"What is it?" A tear slips down my cheek.

His eyes water and he sniffs, a tremble rippling through his body. "Forgive yourself. You can be forgiven, Elle Fallon. I believe it."

I look at my friend, taking in the lines of his face, memorising the blue eyes and the slight tilt of his lips. "I will."

"Good." He stands up, and pulls a thick knife from his belt, placing the hilt into my hand. Ajax gestures his head to the tree trunk with my parents' initials carved into the wood. "Time to make your mark."

I shoot him a funny look. "I'm not dead. Or am I?"

"You're still here. But I thought, if in the future, any young girls venture into the forest, they might see your name, and remember the story of a girl who loved so deeply, of a girl who acted with courage and fire, of a girl who risked her neck to save her sister."

My hand flies to my heart, grazing my ribs. "I didn't save her."

"Well, you certainly saved me. You saved Ruben. You saved Edward... from his own demons." A quiet gasp catches in my throat as my body startles. Edward.

And yet, a strange feeling sinks deep into my gut. Warm and unfamiliar, shrouding the utter screaming, icy pain that has torn me open since he left. With a shaky breath, I pace to the tree and carve my name into it, just below my parents' initials.

I taste the salt of my tears and blink the blur away. "And now, I choose to save myself."

--

The floorboards creak as I step into my old apartment. Tendrils of mildew and mould grow and stretch with reckless abandon across the room, invading my nose with their rich stench. Aston stands before that beloved arched window in the living room, his translucent reflection glinting back at me as he peers down into the street.

"You are going," he says, his voice gruff and cold as if it's threaded by the very wind that whips at the old, weathered glass.

I give my head a shake and close the space between us, standing beside him. My oldest friend pulls me into a hug and doesn't bother to hide his weeps. The sound of it, the feeling of his tears soaking into my shoulder releases something primal within me. I allow myself to indulge in my grief for a few moments, while I am safe with him.

There, as the sun crawls above the crest of the Walls in the distance, sweeping the city in warmth, we cry together, releasing the lamenting, raging tempest of shadows and screams.

Aston holds me. We hold each other. As we always have.

"I hope you will find what you are looking for, Elle," he says.

My heart splits. "I am not sure what it is I'm looking for. Something between happiness and forgiveness."

"That sounds a lot like peace."

Peace.

The word settles into my soul like a long night of rain.

Can I allow myself peace? Do I deserve it?

Yes, I must.

Yes, I do.

Aston inclines his head at the group of young men dressed in their armour marching down the street, their old Tranq spears pinned to their backs. "I am going to become commander of the army," Aston says, clearing his throat. "Ruben... Ruben is stepping down. He said I should take the role."