starving [hailee steinfeld one-shots]

the sweetest torture one could bear [H.Steinfeld]

You let her talk up and down about Hawkeye and Across the Spiderverse until you're finally able to go back to hiding inside the hotel room.

It pains you to admit it but she's not half bad when she's talking about her projects. Being alone certainly helps ease some of her anxieties and you're sure her people-pleasing tendencies have disappeared around you. (You're not sure if that's a compliment or not...not that you care either way.)

You push away your slightly conflicting, and borderline confusing, feelings as you make your way back into your room.

And maybe your eyes wander down to her abs a few times and maybe you catch her looking your way once or twice but that doesn't matter. Sharing one moment with her where she feels like an actual person instead of a walking brand deal isn't going to change your mind about her.

You make it back into the room and a few peaceful minutes go by until Hailee's phone goes off once again, her face twisting from annoyance to shock to genuine dread in the span of five seconds. You can't explain why but something inside you urges you to step out onto the balcony and leave her alone.

So you do just that.

Contrary to the way you act when you're around her, you do sort of care for her in ways you'd rather not think about. It's just hard to show that side of yourself when she does everything in her power to get under your skin. It might not be on purpose but that doesn't make it any less grating.

You rise to your feet and grab the towels you had left hanging on the back of a chair. You don't say a word as you slide the balcony door open but you swear you hear her mumble out a thank you before you slip outside.

Maybe things between you two aren't so hopeless after all.

It might be wishful thinking but things are surprisingly calm for the next few hours. It's not until you're getting ready to fall asleep and forget everything that's happened today that she speaks to you again.

"You don't have to sleep on the couch, y'know? The bed is big enough for both of us."

You turn to look at her, doing a terrible job of hiding the surprised look on your face. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"It's fine, y/n." She shrugs as if sharing a bed with her isn't a big deal. "Just don't snore or I'll kick you to the ground."

"Yes, ma'am," you reply sarcastically.

A tense silence fills the room after that and neither of you makes any attempts to break it. Hailee busies herself with double-checking that everything is locked while you climb into bed, turning onto your side and attempting to put as much space as possible between the two sides of the bed.

She turns the lights off, leaving you in the darkness with a rapidly beating heart. You're not sure why you're nervous but you have a feeling falling asleep is going to be almost impossible tonight.

You lay there for what feels like hours, doing your best not to think about how close your bodies are right now. You saw her in a bikini earlier today, why are you freaking out over sharing the same bed?

You're in the middle of mentally arguing with yourself when you hear Hailee let out a series of deep breaths. Anxiety isn't a stranger to you and you suddenly worry something might have triggered a panic attack.

"You okay?" You speak up despite yourself. "Did you finally realize you fucked over your queer fans with the QB stuff?"

You can't help but poke the bear even when you're supposed to be checking up on her.

She doesn't respond and a few seconds later, you hear her sniffle, the guilt immediately hitting you like a runaway train. "Hailee? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"Republic dropped me." Her voice is barely audible but there's no denying the pain it carries.

The urge to turn around and look at her is far too strong for you to ignore so you take a deep breath before giving in. You turn onto your other side so you're facing her, not wanting to ruin her moment of vulnerability by appearing uninterested.

Her eyes are trained on the ceiling above her but you can make out the glimmer of unshed tears in the warm pool of her eyes. She doesn't give you a chance to speak up, she just continues as if you're not looking at her with real empathy in your gaze for the first time since you met.

"I should've seen it coming, you know? With all the hesitation and the drawn-out meetings. Coast was supposed to be my chance to prove myself and it did nothing. I hoped rushing SunKissing would fix things but it just made everything worse."

"And then New York happened," you mumble.

"Yeah-" Her voice breaks and you hate the way your heart aches for her. "I should've just owned up to it but I couldn't. I didn't want to admit I was grasping at straws so when my team told me to bring you into this mess...I didn't know what else to do."

"Saying no would have been a good start."

"I'm sorry," she mumbles as she turns her head to the side, allowing your eyes to meet in the darkness. "You don't deserve any of this."

The sincerity in her words strikes you "Oh, come on, I'm no saint. I've been nothing but a pain in the ass since we got here."

"You're right. You're awful."

"Shut up, Steinfeld."

She laughs.

An actual laugh that makes the corners of her glossy eyes crinkle up in a way that makes your heart skip a couple of beats. You're sure you've never made her laugh like that in the time you've known each other.

And you hate the way you're already obsessed with the sound.

"We don't have to keep doing this," she says suddenly before fully turning her body toward you. "It was a stupid idea anyway, it's not going to change people's minds."

"Maybe you're the one who has to change her mind." You offer the only advice you can think of. "Pretending like everything's okay isn't doing you any favors, Lee."

The nickname slips out of your mouth without a second thought. You don't even realize you said it out loud until Hailee questions you about it. "Lee? Five hours ago you wanted me out of your life and now you're giving me a nickname?"

"Five hours ago I wasn't sure you even had feelings."

Your comment would have surely earned you a glare earlier but now you get a smile instead. "Point taken."

"I mean it, though. Stop doing what you think everyone else wants you to do and do what you want. You owe yourself that much."

"The things I want will just make things worse," she says, the smallest of frowns tugging at her lips.

"Maybe it's worth it."

You have no idea what her words truly mean until you catch her eyes drifting down to your lips.

Everything inside of you tells you to make a joke, or piss her off, or at the very least, turn around and pretend to go to sleep. Anything to stop both of you from making a huge mistake.

But then her hand reaches out to touch your waist and you find yourself leaning toward her without a second thought.

It's stupid and reckless and the last thing you should add to this already messy situation and yet it's the only thing you want to do. You don't want to argue with her anymore, you just want her. Even if it's only for the night.

"What are we doing?" You whisper, your lips barely inches away from hers.

"I don't know...do you want me to stop?"

You meet her eyes and reach your decision. "No."

It's all the encouragement she needs to close the gap between you, her lips claiming yours in a surprisingly soft kiss. You tangle your hand in her hair to pull her closer as a thought suddenly dawns on you.

There's no way to deny how attracted you are to her. No way to deny how drawn you are to her despite all the things that get under your skin about her.

No way to deny that you're actually falling for Hailee Steinfeld.

Shit.