stop and stare

3

I open my apartment door to see Max Verstappen and Daniel Ricciardo waiting with a bottle of wine and a shopping bag of what I can only presume will contain the best snacks known to man. 

"Hey twin," Max says, hugging me as I let him in. Daniel follows in the same manner.

We walk over to my open-plan kitchen. I grab some wine glasses whilst Max and Daniel make themselves comfortable by sitting on my bar stools by the island. Max fills the glasses and Daniel is the first to speak up.

"How did you find the last race?" He asks, looking at me and taking the glass from Max, "When I was watching the footage back, you were talking to Lando and something seemed off?"

I sigh a little and swirl the liquid in my glass that Max gave me, "I don't know, it just felt weird, I guess." I take a sip of my drink. 

"How so?" Max asks me.

I take a moment to think before responding, "I just feel like I shouldn't have won." There's a small period of silence after I say that, so I continue, "Like how I had to fight so hard for the position, which is never a problem, but it didn't feel like I deserved it,"

Daniel takes a sip of his drink and Max is the next one to speak, "I felt the same after my first win. I appeared joyful for the cameras, but I was having major imposter syndrome on the inside." 

"How did you get over it?" I ask him.

"I never really did," He takes another swig from his glass, "I just kind of got used to it and learnt to live with it... After a while, it dies down a little, but I don't know if it'll ever truly be gone."

"I have to admit, I loved my first win, but there was a period of time where I thought about leaving Red Bull... I kind of felt like I didn't deserve the seat because I wasn't performing well and I took it out on myself." Daniel takes a big gulp of his wine, "I'm so glad that I didn't leave though. Red Bull has been my home for the entirety of my time in Formula 1, and I wouldn't want it to be anything different."

I take a deep breath and feel a slight weight lift from my shoulders now that I have told someone how I was really feeling, "Thanks guys, you're both amazing,"

"Of course, anytime Max," Daniel says to me.

"We'll always be here for you, you just have to ask," Max assures me.

About 20 minutes pass before I hear my doorbell go off again. "That'll be Lando or Elliott I imagine," I say as I leave the kitchen.

I open the front door, and to my surprise, both Lando and Elliott are standing on the other side. I look at Lando and welcome him in and Elliott follows after him.

"You are telling me everything later," I say to her.

She laughs at me and tells me she will as we enter the kitchen. I grab Lando and Ell some glasses and Max pours them the wine. We all get settled again and the conversation flows nicely.

Suddenly Lando turns to me and says, "How are you and Charles getting on?"

My guard is immediately brought up, "Why do you ask?"

Lando looks a little taken aback and I feel mean regarding my tone, "Oh, um, I was just wondering since you guys are teammates now, that's all," He awkwardly rubs the back of his neck.

"Sorry, I'm just a little tired," I say to him, "Um, we don't get along really."

"Really?" Daniel asks, "You guys seem to like each other in interviews and media."

"Yeah, it's all a front.  We do it to keep the press at bay, but if we aren't needed to be seen together, we aren't." I take a sip of my wine, "We tend to keep out of each other's way until we hit the track. Then he will do anything he can to get in my way,"