Astania Reviews

Kae | The Kingmaker

Characters

Tetsuya: I really like his character. He's not your usual protagonist, in the sense that he's not super active in the scenes, but it's intentionally done and it is done well. He's a figment of a guy, a semblance of a person, and yet I feel like I understand him on a fundamental level. He's clearly a very caring person deep down who is just trying his best with the cards he's been dealt. He's the sort of guy who you should be afraid of, but of course, nobody actually notices him often enough to feel like he's a threat. His narration is beautifully written, and I like his voice. He gives off a very "I could be this guy, and I'm not sure how I feel about that" perception to me, and I enjoyed it, while feeling it unsettle me at the same time.

I won't say much about Akashi since I don't feel I read enough to give a valuable insight into him, but I will say that he feels very complex to me. It's clear he cares about Tetsuya for reasons that he's hiding, and I like that duality of exploration—it gives you a lot of room to play with a Prince who is equally putting all of his faith into a Dancer, while also having to put that same Dancer in danger.

World

The world is excellent. I love the way the descriptions bring it to life. From the religion to the way the Kingdoms and their respective Princes all have intrigue and backstories, I can easily tell you have spent a lot of time on this, and I appreciate it. The descriptions throughout the text gave me enough information to keep reading while also making me curious to learn more. You have written this story in a way that forces a reader to learn as they go along, which lends nicely to the sense of unease and growing tension the first chapters are building. The story doesn't spend too much time on exposition—instead, it gives the term and allows you to unravel what it is as the plot progresses. There's a nice balance there, and I never felt like I was entirely lost without knowing what was happening.

I was fully immersed while reading due to the sensory descriptions and Tetsuya's inner voice. Both of these aspects are something I really enjoyed.

It's clear to me that you've got a good story on your hands. I'm not sure how close you are to finishing it, but I look forward to seeing it be completed. I would suggest that if you take anything away from this review, that you have a strong story concept and that the specifics of what need to be tweaked will likely come to light once that work in progress is complete.

General Thoughts I Had While Reading

Chapter One:

I like that we start off with a character stressing about something. I already want to know why.

The two first names are a tad confusing for me as a reader. Who are they? Who is speaking? This is something that could be made a bit more clear.

Every girl has the same name? Oh, wow, that's interesting, though it is making me feel a bit torn. She seems to be equally treated like something more than human and also less than.

Tetsuya slipping from the room says a lot about his character in the story — he leaves before he gets the chance to be very present, kind of like he's a phantom.

Chapter Two:

I really enjoy the beginning. It's drawing me into the scene.

Ooh, some tension there with there being only one person to refer to him by his first name.

I like that "dancing" returns in the description here. It feels meaningful.

Ooh, we get a little hint to his rank with "remember his place" — very nice. Says it without directly telling us.