Lost With You

Chapter Twenty-One

The most recent memory saved before ripples of enervation blotched my vision was a trending compilation of laughable videos. Now, the dimmed, unambiguous shapes surrounding me were more defined yet sheltered from the lucid luster blinded by the curtains. Feeling the weight of my phone in my palm unfastened from the clasp of my fingers, I squeezed the device and removed the arm that draped over my forehead.
           With a soft click on the power button, the digital clock shone at the top and consternation trounced my dreamy languor as I discerned how late I was from the notification of multiple miscalls from both Beth and Faith. I threw my blanket off my once limp state and scrambled off the comfort of my mattress, shoving the connector of my charger into my phone for a last-minute minor battery boost.
           During this interval of haste, I had not only forgotten to update the girls about my whereabouts but also to book a ride to the arranged location before doing anything else. Even while they reassured me that they were fine waiting, I could not resist the guilt that had plunged into me as I paced around restlessly.
           "Whoa, why do you seem so anxious?"
           I spun to Jonathan who wore a complexion of curiosity decorated with a typical motion of the sides of his lips curving upward as he neared my perpetually moving figure. However, before I could even utter a sound, a loud ding erupted, directing my gaze to the pop-up behind the glass of my device which notified me of the awaited arrival of my cab.
           "Sorry, I'll tell you later!" I exclaimed without another glimpse at the teen and decamped to the vehicle spotted through the windows outside our house.
           When I got to the café, Beth and Faith had already had their fill from their half drunken coffees and the cakes they had seemingly ordered which had disintegrated into measly, sugary crumbs. Even the countless sorrys could not justify how apologetic I felt to the point I had resorted to proffer treating them a few more sweets which they graciously turned down. With additional heartening phrases to pacify me, the fuzzy-haired female had succeeded in her quest of affirmation. As consolation was not exactly her forte, Faith could only watch while she sipped at her caffeinated drink.
           Eventually, the time came for the big reveal after engaging in random chats that died down as the original amusement from it faded into an interim of only combinations of contrasting noises from the background. I cleared my throat as a beginning to my announcement to which Beth twinkled at me, and even Faith could not hide the eagerness behind her quietude. The natural percussionist trapped inside me drummed yet again to the uniform beats of a metronome of gratifying excitement.
           I breathed. "Jonathan confessed."
           Beth broke into a fit of exhilarated squeals and congratulated me while Faith stiffened beside her in her spot, pupils seemingly dilating from pleasing enlightenment. I shyly blushed at the amount of joy my friends had for me, holding back from smiling along with them. But soon cognizing the glares of the busy office workers distinguished by the presence of their laptops from the neighboring seats, a finger immediately flew to my pursed lips to signal to the hyperactive girl.
           Faith hushed her exuberant girlfriend as she planted her hand on her shoulder, finally appeasing her as Beth became sensible to her surroundings. She pretended to clear her throat and apologized to shake off her chagrin, but not even humiliation could hinder her optimism as she was not affected the slightest.
           "Sooo," she trailed off, hopeful. "Are you guys dating now?"
           I shook my head and almost promptly her cheeks puffed, but I told her that it was something I looked forward to having and that our friendly date today was made impetuously to let off the intense elation I had encountered. They both nodded and affirmed me to take however much time I needed and that I should not be rushing, even if I was very certain of what I desired.
           The remaining time outside was spent sauntering around the area and capturing photos together before we bade our farewells as we parted ways. I had entirely drained my phone of its value temporarily which endangered my existing bliss from Dad's possible dismay, but oddly, I was somewhat swayed to think he would not. He had more control over his anger now and while he had not broken out of his phlegmatic character, his demeanor hinted at atoms of genuine contentment.
           I hopped onto the bus and rode it to the checkpoint nearest to home, strolling back on the accustomed, mundane pathway adorned with an equal ratio of shriveled brown leaves, freshly fallen green ones, stems and flowers that could not fully thrive in their ephemeral blossom. My premature shadow casted over the walkway under the lamps that escorted me to my destination as the wind whistled along with the ether that threatened me with a rumble.
           I was far too late for dinner the juncture I materialized within the abode but there was only Jonathan who sat on the couch before the television with a box of pizza. If Dad and Mr. Brad had been home, Dad would have come stomping down to at least lecture me for not apprising him of my tardiness.
           "Where's Dad and Mr. Brad?" I asked.
           "They went out somewhere," shrugged Jonathan, a peculiar, implicit glint of coldness behind his cornea that gave off a funny impression of déjà vu. "Where have you been?"
           "Oh." I heeded his unfriendliness and became unsettled. "I went to hang out with Faith and Beth."
           "Why didn't you answer your phone?"
           "My phone died."
           "Oh, that's it?" His tacit harshness swiftly lifted and substituted by a dubious inquisitiveness. "Why wasn't I allowed to come along?"
           My mind raced through legions of unacceptable excuses in search for one that I could grapple, but it stood stranded in the middle of invalid reasonings that resurfaced as it embraced defeat. I was unable to think of anything else I could throw at Jonathan as I refrained myself from relying on filler words to complement the sounds of the television meanwhile. Even though I was unprepared to speak, his left brow that had ascended from the prolonged wait pressured me into answering.
           "Well, it was unplanned . . ." My voice faded away as I frantically persisted in my fish for desirable bait in the sea of rationalizations. Casting my final line and taking whatever catch I could hook onto regardless of the poor quality, my fingers tightened their clasp around each other. As if my prayers for a miracle have been answered, I had seized a newfound alibi that could be described as the most decent. "And they only wanted me to hear the things they shared, so, sorry, I can't share their secret.
           I cringed at myself for swapping the scenario around and directing the spotlight to the two girls who had transformed into the protagonists of my fake story. Subduing the self-reproach that had tagged along with my fib by atoning with quick apologies to the couple, I could merely hope that Jonathan would not consider confronting the two about their so-called private matter. However, judging from his lack of expression that easily conveyed his skepticism and slow nodding as an acknowledgement of what was an obvious white lie, I could rest assured that he was unlikely to ask them.
           "Mind if I join you?" I interposed before he could make a remark to wave away the current topic. With mindless permission granted, I plopped down onto the cushion next to him and faced in the way of the big television screen before us. He was engaged by a trendy series that had won the hearts of countless watchers and it had been used as a conversation starter among most students recently. Instantly lost from missing the first half of the plot, I succumbed to boredom but endured the pressing impulse to glance down at the much smaller display that had subconsciously found itself in my palm.
           My thumb brushed against the power button, teasing the itch to push it down and watch my wallpaper of a favorite character from a game I played light up, but just as I was about to cave in to temptation, I jolted when Jonathan commented on the show out of the blue.
           "Man, this show is boring, I don't get what the hype is about." He pivoted his head to redirect his focus on me with a mildly mirthful smile and proceeded without waiting for my reply. "Hey, let's go out together tomorrow, it's been a while since we did that."
           The swift digression caught me off guard and paralyzed my speech momentarily. While my inner self had speedily responded with a yes out of enthusiasm, the word was embedded in the back of my throat, making it an arduous process to roll off my tongue. Jonathan had always been occupied with studying or hanging out with Natalie for reasons still unknown and I had always shunned him out of jealousy. Though, it was undeniable that I had missed those days together with him, not just emotionally, but also physically, as if an internal lust had begun its activation, creating a yearning for even the slight bit of skin-to-skin contact with him.
           "Don't worry," he chuckled at my tongue-tied taciturnity. "It's not a date or anything, just treat it like a normal hangout."
           My eyes widened at his misinterpretation which used little effort to thrust out the utterance from  my mouth which almost appeared slightly tangled from being lodged at my Adam's apple for too long. "I-I wasn't thinking of that, I was just surprised by the sudden change in topic!" As I exclaimed, the warmth that had pooled in my face became increasingly evident as I was submerged deeper into an ocean of self-consciousness. However, I could not stop my heart from dancing in glee as the noun associated with love bounced off the walls of my brain. Like a housefly tapping against the glass of an opened window blind to its exit, the word wilfully eschewed from its getaway through my ear canals.
           I slowly breathed through my nostrils to keep the palpitating organ from jumping through my ribcage and gave my agreement to Jonathan, whose eyes dazzled in excitement as he could officially celebrate the victorious claim of a predictable success. I shoved away the fleet impression of how cute he was at this moment and tried to act as if the rosiness on my cheeks ceased to exist, confirming our itinerary for tomorrow.
           I had expected to discuss with him where we would both mutually like to go, but in a manner suggesting he had completely arranged things to be in place beforehand, he laid out the route and activities for us. Other than the opportunity to be with Jonathan, his idea seemed genuinely fun, raising my expectations for the avidly awaited rapture the next day would bring. The one thing blocking us from being too exhilarated was the mandatory permission from none other than Dad, who was still out with Mr. Brad somewhere.
           About an estimated hour after we concurred with each other to choose a movie of better interest to kill the minutes we had alone, along with regretting not heating up Jonathan's stolen cold food, the two rest-deprived adults made their appearance. Since our schedules were empty (unlike theirs) now, we had hopes that this would be an easy "yes" to obtain, and indeed it was, despite Dad's grouchy countenance. Mr. Brad did not look as menacing but the meagreness of his usual verve was enough to convey he only desired to fall face first into his pillow.
           I recalled the spontaneous outburst of euphoria that lingered throughout the shimmering onyx canvas of the night, wishing that the effulgent orb of heat would soon paint the sky a baby blue. Even when midnight struck, I was impatiently complaining to myself about how slow time passed as I laid beneath my covers. The terrible combination of a bad sleeping schedule and the existence of vigor birthed the unwarranted incapacity for a blackout to take place.
           I went with the routine of engrossing myself with newly released posts and videos on multiple social media and decided to break my random streak of falling asleep with my phone still wrapped in my fingers. I forced myself to stop before it got any later so that I would not oversleep this time and after countless tosses and turns, I eventually succumbed to dreamland, the quickest remedy for the fantasy I had pined for.
           Now living in the moment I had hankered for where we were about to leave, the transient dynamism had been replaced by an irritating restlessness that pinched me. Even though Jonathan had already mentioned that today was an ordinary hangout, his outfit had bugged me when I laid my eyes on it. While it was not entirely formal, it felt more fashionable than his standard style.
           He was wearing an extra layer of monochrome flannel over a navy shirt along with a pair of jeans, but while he undoubtedly looked stylish, insecurity manifested from the concern of being too underdressed for the occasion. In comparison to him, a bare white t-shirt and a pair of beige chinos folded up above my ankles hugged my body. My pants being the single piece of fabric that complemented Jonathan's overall looks provided me little reassurance and was not sufficient enough to keep me asking if I should at least change my top.
           "Nah, you look good like that," he avowed, sneaking in a smile. "Cute even."
           His comment rejuvenated some confidence back in me but also, in contrast, sparked more ignitions to my existing embarrassment, like adding fuel to a humble, burning flame which would have caused it to flare up more. He was unbearably honest both verbally and physically at junctures where he would take somewhat coquettish initiatives, as if he was enticing me in some way.
           Maintaining my composure but failing to resist the sheepish grin reflexively tugging at my lips, I feigned clearing my throat as I brushed off his compliment, not entirely convinced by his opinion. "Sure, sure, let's go."
           "I really meant it though."
           Too abashed to dig out an appropriate retort, I abandoned his brief laughter with the whistles of the wind that squeezed through the cracks of the window and advanced in my movements past the frame of the entrance to our home. He quickly caught up to my side and switched to a subject I was more willing to participate in conversing.
           There were intervals of muteness between us, especially during our travel journey in the bus, but it was ephemeral as either of us would find something we wanted to bring up. Even politics could sound somewhat interesting with the strange magic only his voice was capable of, as if I was hypnotized. Anyone else who attempts to captivate me with such banality would not succeed.
           With the power to transform a ride with the duration of an hour to half its length and shorten the walking distance, a bar and restaurant by the streets manifested itself before my eyes. Stupefied by the unexpected warm lights and expensive decor that made the bottles of alcohol and wine glasses dazzle, I subconsciously shielded myself behind Jonathan. Its rustic atmosphere provided the place with an amazing serenity creating a barrier between the bustles and hustles outside its vicinity, but I was nowhere near comfortable as I now had a valid reason to worry about what I was wearing.
           Jonathan had only told me vaguely that we would be eating out before partaking in anything else but I did not think it would be anywhere fancy. This was too out of our league as teenagers who were barely at the legal drinking age, and not to mention, too out of our budget as well. My intrusive instincts were screaming at me to tug at Jonathan's sleeves and drag him away before we could be served.
           "What's wrong?" he tittered. "Why are you hiding?"
           "You didn't tell me we were dining somewhere like this!" I exclaimed with restraint. "And you told me what I wore was okay!"
           "It is okay though," he sighed whimsically and gripped near the collar of his flannel and lifted it off his shoulder. "If you feel so out of place, here."
           My hands raised up to my chest to express my rejection of his selfless kindness just to cater to my diffidence. "No, it's fi—"
           "Take it." He swung the piece of clothing around me to let it loosely hang off my shoulders. "If it makes you feel better, I don't mind, because I'm not going to bring you elsewhere to eat."
           I reluctantly thanked him as I slipped my arms through each sleeve one at a time, now gnawed at by the regret of articulating my insecurities. It was until the softness of the cotton had nestled soothingly against my skin that I had become cognizant of the mild aroma buried within its fibers. This guy had gone the extra mile to perfume himself with some scent which I was unable to detect before, but he was not one to care about such frivolities, particularly in what he had described as a normal hangout.
           It was quite silly to observe the differences an article of garment could make to someone's attire as I admired my newly adjusted array that reflected off the glass door. Oddly, while Jonathan could be deemed underdressed because of the sheer simplicity of his incomplete ensemble, he seemed to be blessed with a natural appeal that made up for his scant formality.
           By now, a waiter was available to escort us to a vacant table in the corner of the room with two one-page menus neatly laid out before us. He shortly left after receiving our thanks and that was when I caught a glimpse of the prices that almost had me leap out of my stool. A single meal was charged an average of thirty dollars, twenty being the minimum. Even the non-alcoholic beverages they offered could deplete half the contents in my wallet. For that, I was highly tempted to order the cheapest food, which was a type of premium chocolate tart.
           I don't care if I have to starve, I thought, biting my lip nervously to contain my dumbfoundedness as I hid my face behind the layer of paper. I'd rather not eat than spend that much on food in one go!
           "It's pricey, I know," Jonathan admitted as if he had already guessed what my reaction would be. "But don't worry, I'll pay for it. Order what you want."
           "What!" I lowered the sheet to clearly express my dismay. "I'm not letting you do that, I'll pay you back."
           "My treat," he insisted and simpered. "You can treat me to the next meal if you want, but you can't change my mind about this."
           In spite of the boulder of contrition that had just crashed down onto the mountain of penitence that had not been assuaged, I was aware that there was zero meaning in trying to sway him. Clutching onto the fading dignity I was fighting to keep, I heaved a sigh and nodded. "Okay, thanks . . . I owe you one."
           Knowing Jonathan would point out my intentions of picking the dessert to save his money, I could no longer proceed with that idea. Instead, I heeded his list of recommendations and skimmed through each of their descriptions, settling with the most affordable option, not that it made much difference anyway as it was only a few dollars less expensive than the set of possible choices I was given.
           Admittedly, aside from Dad's unparalleled cooking, it was one of the best dishes I had ever consumed but unless I was financially stable, I would never step foot here on my own account. Besides, if Dad knew how much we had spent on food alone today, he would not hesitate to give us an earful about how we should not be throwing money around like that. Being deeply ashamed, I could not even bring myself to look at the amount Jonathan had to pay for both of us, but my inner consciousness had already tallied up the average total sum.
           I was determined to return the favor somehow. We still had half the day for me to redeem my pride through an oath to fulfill my promise. In all honesty, I had no concrete plans to redeem myself but I hoped to come up with something as we made our way to the next stop, which was the nearest mall with an arcade.