Astania Reviews

Kae | The Council of Gods

If the accounts were conflicted about her aunt's death, how can she be so sure Aries isn't lying? How can she be sure her mother isn't lying?

Chapter Five:

Jeez, five hours of sleep. Poor girl.

It says a lot about this society that in war time, they would protect their museum.

That museum must be massive!

The fact that it used to be human is so cool. I really enjoy that detail. It feels very fresh, and it gives the building an even bigger quality and importance within the story. The line about protecting the museum being of utmost importance also makes a lot more sense to me now.

The trials sound difficult if so few passed in close succession! That's a nice way to slip that information in without overtly saying it.

Knowing that the test is about history, this gives you an excuse to include some excerpts of what Gemini reads on her way to the second trial.

The hair tie coming back as a way to show us she's nervous is great. It's a callback to the beginning as well!

I like that the side characters have some personality and can interfere, for better or worse, in the trials.

Chapter Six:

"she hated it because there was just too much to remember" made me smile. That is cute. There's always way too much in history, isn't there?

Aries is being oddly nice for once. Is he impressed by her?

Okay, now he's being cryptic. I feel like he's hiding something.

I'm actually glad she gets to return to her family! I liked that they were supportive and I was hoping they'd be mentioned again.

Chapter Seven:

Oh, yay, we get to meet her sister!

Growing your own flowers for your wedding is so cool. I like that. Much better than buying them!

Actually, why does Gemini's narration refer to her parents by their names? She does call them mother and father sometimes and other times not.

It's kind of nice to see a god-to-be (god-in-training, I guess) doing the dishes. It's so mundane, and I like it for that reason. It shows her humanity too. Thank goodness she's not above doing the dishes.

Did she just get drugged?

Chapter Eight:

I didn't expect her to lie to her parents. Why lie? To protect them?

So, are these other contestants? Their names aren't that of the Zodiac, so I'm not sure. Is Gemini a regular human?? Up until this point, I was imagining her as a god reincarnated, and that was why she had to go through the trials to prove she could do it.

She seems so willing to shoot them. If this is another trial, then I understand, however, I would be panicking right about now.

Ah, yeah, it was a trial. The pretend kidnappers wanted her to shoot them? Wouldn't it be more of a trial if one of them was holding her in place, thereby forcing her to choose one of her family members? I don't know. That's dark, sure, but if you give a kidnapped person a gun, you should expect her to choose to fire it at you over her family. What I'm saying here is that even though this is a trial, I was expecting it to go in a different direction—sure, they're not real kidnappers, and Gemini choosing to shoot them doesn't mean the fake kidnappers actually get hurt by it. I thought her choice would be about being forced to pick one of her family members or surrender, thereby admitting how much she cares about her sister (despite the fact that they've just argued). This would be her sacrificing herself for who she loves and putting them above herself in a messed-up trolley problem. But Gemini picks her kidnappers, which is very clearly the correct decision when you've been taken captive. In the scene currently, I feel like it could have more of an impact if I understood what Gemini is proving. Does that make sense?

I think I'm stopping here. I feel like I'm asking a lot of questions. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, I just feel like I've run out of things to point out that aren't questions. Maybe that's the point... but I don't want this to feel harsh, and I fear I've already hit that point.

Other Thoughts for Your Consideration

Chapter One:

There are some "feeling emotions" scattered around the text that I don't think need to be there. It would lead to a stronger story without them.

For example, you wrote, "Gemini nodded, feeling very nervous." If you wanted to strengthen this, I would suggest taking out the feeling very nervous, since the rest of the paragraph does a good job of showing us the same thing.

There is some minor repetition in certain parts. "Gemini walked through the door and stared at the god who was staring out the window." In this case, using another word would make it more fresh. I think it makes more sense for Aries to be the one staring, so perhaps, "Gemini walked through the door and sighed at the god who stared out the window." Here, I've taken out was (it's passive, so I don't think you need it) and hinted at Gemini's annoyance in contrast to Aries' anger at having to deal with her.

The POV seems to shift halfway through. We start out following Gemini's thoughts, then it shifts to Aries around the paragraph when he tenses up and his emotions are described. This is a bit confusing since the point of view should stay consistent throughout the whole chapter. I understand wanting to detail Aries' thoughts too; ideally, it should be in its own chapter.

Should "god" be capitalized?

Chapter Two:

You have a tiny tense slip at the beginning. Whose water flow should be flowed, to keep the text consistently in past tense. By that same token, can show you the past and present should be could show.

Chapter Three:

Minor thing - the word plague in this paragraph, "What is this?" Gemini demanded as she read the plague at the foot of the statue - it should be plaque.

Chapter Five:

The dialogue tag "Gemini sassed" pulls me out of the story just a little. Said would probably be better here. If I can infer what her tone is from the dialogue alone, then the dialogue tag telling me the same reads as a bit of superfluous repetition.

In the sentence, Gemini continued walking, reading up about the various dates, wars, events etc., I think it could benefit from being more specific about what else she reads. You could even include an excerpt if you wanted and if it was relevant, so that it doesn't feel like an afterthought. What other things does she read? Specificity immerses a reader.

Chapter Six:

Minor thing - you have a period missing in the paragraph "He opened his mouth to continue speaking, but then he closed it"

I personally don't think you need "suddenly" in the sentence "Why was he suddenly talking about family?" - we can infer the comment is sudden since Aries has yet to mention her family at all. Trust your readers.

Chapter Seven:

When the room is described as having a strange scent, what is that like? This is a good time to detail it with more information—how is it different? Why does she notice; is it a bad scent? A really nice sweet scent?

I hope my thoughts are (somewhat) helpful to you.

Let me know what you think (: