Soul's Shadow (Doctor Who - SI)

Part XVII (XI)

I remembered how my older sister had reached out and had told me that they would all meet there that weekend. She had asked me to come too, to forget about the past as she had done. And during the last years I actually had. For my own sake and wellbeing I had decided to forgive her for the abuse and neglect she had made me suffer.

But I could not forgive what she had done to the people I love.

Now we stood on the streets not too far away, but far enough that no one could see us. I recognized movement in the garden. One silhouette. She had always spent the day out there, bathing in the sun, doing nothing, while we were inside, playing games and chatting.

"So, how do you want to do this?" asked the Master.

I opened my mouth to respond, but then realised I actually had no idea. The gun still lay in my apartment, hidden in a bundle of old shirts, shoved to the back of a drawer. I looked up at the Master, shrugging. "You could lend me that laser screwdriver?"

"You want to talk to her first? Tell her how awful she is?"

I shook my head. "No. Each time she opens her mouth nothing good comes out. I want to be done with it and move on."

The Master reached into his pocket and got out the device. For a moment he fiddled around with the buttons. "There. Isomorphic controls are deactivated for now. Have fun." A wicked smile sat on his lips as he pointed the handle towards me. "It's on the highest setting. This will properly disintegrate everything it hits. No traces left but some ashes. No one will know."

Perfect. I reached for the screwdriver, my hand surprisingly steady when my fingers closed around the cool metal. I weighed the device in my palm, trying to get a feel for it. "I want to get closer."

The Master followed swiftly, never leaving me out of sight.

They wouldn't even recognize me right now. The last time my family had seen me I had weighed almost double as much as now and my hair had been longer and cut differently.

A different person.

A different life.

I gripped the laser screwdriver harder, a comforting weight in my hand. It was a Sunday and no one was around, the streets as empty as only a sleepy village ever managed to be. We also had perception filters, but I had learned that those didn't work for everyone and only when the wearer didn't act suspiciously.

I wanted to see.

For a moment I contemplated asking the Master to change the setting so I could see her die, witness the look on her face when she realised it was her end. I wanted to pour all of my hatred into this one action and then...

There was nothing. There was no hatred. I had burned it all away a long time ago. And what was left was only grief. I wasn't going to do this because I still despised her. I was going to do it because it was I who was hurting. It was I who wanted revenge. For the life I could never have and for the loss I never wanted to experience. Not like this.

"If you wait too long, the moment's gone." The Master nudged me.

We stood right at the fence to the garden. The woman who dared to call herself a mother lay on a sun chair, bathing in the autumn rays as if she had deserved to absorb them. She wore a simple dress, like always. This stupid religion of hers forbids women to wear anything but.

A hand squeezed my shoulder and I tore my gaze away and upwards. The Master wasn't looking at me. "Second button from the top by the way. If you press lightly you can aim first."

I nodded and raised the screwdriver. My hand was still steady. And maybe that was the thing frightening me the most. Frightening me so much that I froze, pointing. Inside the house would be my dad, well and alive, my little sister, my grandma. They would never know. They would think she just vanished or got abducted. They would never find out who did it.