𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐏𝐇𝐎𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐗 ━━ 𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐤 𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐩𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐝

seventy four | silence

"Leven?"

Only a hum sounds from my mouth.

"Leven, what can I do to help you? I want to help you feel better, to feel whole again. But I. . .I don't know what else to do or say."

Similar to the last three months, he's met with silence.

- - - - - - - - - -

"You don't have to leave, you know."

"I know. But it's the only thing that feels right."

"Is this your way of running away?"

"Of course it is. Because horrible things happen here."

Cristina carries down the last of her boxes from her apartment and drops it into the trunk of her convertible.

"Know where you're going?"

"Yeah. It's one highway all the way to Minnesota. . .through Montana, cross one of the Dakotas — can't remember which."

Realizing there's nothing I can do to stop here, my arms tug her into an unwilling embrace. She sighs heavily and relishes in the feeling before letting go.

Before leaving Seattle.

- - - - - - - - - -

"We deserve this leave of absence."

Derek rubs the washcloth over my bare back, gently squeezing suds and soapy water down the skin. My arms tightly grip the edges of the tub, knuckles glistening white in the dim light.

"I made a fresh batch of snickerdoodles. Thought you'd want some after the bath."

His other hand, the one still recovering from the accident, brushes strands of dark hair over my right shoulder.

"I promise you, you'll feel better. Whether it takes weeks or months. . .you will feel better."

Leaning forward as far as he can, the doting husband presses soft, comforting kisses between my shoulder blades.

"Take all the time you need to. . .to get back on your feet. To go back to work."

"Why?"

He looks up abruptly, surprised I'd spoken without being asked to.

"Why did they die, Derek?"

My head lifts up and stares at the tiled wall ahead of me.

"We thought she was asleep."

Unforgiving tears burn my eyes.

"Everyone thought she was asleep. But when that helicopter came, they. . .they just threw the tarp over her. They didn't even try."

Every part of my body shivers.

"They didn't try to save her. To revive her."

Cautiously, he touches a hand to my shoulder. The movement grows, and his lips graze over my temple and hair.

"I thought Meredith was sleeping."

- - - - - - - - - -

Beep. Beep. Beep.

The rhythmic beeping of the heart rate monitor falls slower and slower. Callie sits on his left, Derek and I on his right.

The three of us share a glance of realization, knowing the inevitable is upon us.

And the beeping. . .turns into the deafening monotone sound.

Callie bursts into tears against her hand, clutching Mark's shoulder for dear life. Derek sighs heavily, his own tears flowing freely as he pats a hand against his friend's chest.

And me?

The tears I thought I'd already shed come faster than a bolt of lightning.

That is how Seattle Grace Mercy West lost three of its best doctors.

How the world lost a Sloan and two Greys.

How our hearts formed a hole that could never be filled.

- - - - - - - - - -

"Derek?"

I approach him slowly, hands fiddling with the hem of my shirt. His eyes soften with sorrow yet surprise, a calm of joy as I speak to him without being asked to.

One of many firsts since the accident.

"Oh, Leven."

Once he's within reach, our fingers intertwine, and I gently pull him into bed.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."