Sometimes, I'll get a spark of inspiration. Now, I'm not a die hard believer of God, though my parents wish I was. Like most things in life, I'm stuck in the middle. If there is a God, I'd like to think these sparks come from him, as a reprimand for giving me a shitty mind and a shitty reason to live.
Anyways, these journals are to be short and sweet (I wouldn't say sweet, but sour because this will be anything but sweet) and are just a distraction when I can't talk to James. Though I already feel a bit better by writing, I think that James being here and listening would be better. There's a difference between writing it down and talking it out. I want these thoughts out of my head, not bottled up, but when I'm writing them down, they aren't really leaving my head, just transferring to a page that will only be seen by my eyes. I would never share this journal, well, maybe I'll let James see it, but it still won't leave my head. This makes me think, are my thoughts going to James' head once they leave mine? Does he think depressing things because of me? Do I make him-
The writing stopped as Jordan walked into the room, glancing at Aleks and giving him a smile.
"Have, um, have you seen James?" Aleks asked, closing the book and clicking the pen. Jordan shrugged, leaving the room. Aleks needed to talk. He needed a drink, but then again he was always feeling that urge to down a bottle nowadays. Jordan shrugged, shaking his head.
"What's that?" He asked, nodding at the black journal that Aleks was holding tightly in his hands.
"A schedule, so I can plan when I record and when I upload." The lie fell easily from his lips, and Jordan shrugged again, glancing around the room before leaving. Weird, Aleks thought, but he payed it no mind, just put the book back in his back pack and began to edit.
The sound of his phone ringing made him jump. With his heart beating fast, Aleks grabbed his phone, picking it up and answering it.
"Yes?" He asked.
"It's me, I need you to pick up something I forgot yesterday," James said, his voice slightly muffled and crackly from the phone.
"Sure, what is it? Where are you anyway?" Aleks asked, getting up and grabbing his bag.
"I just need my coat," James said, and Aleks froze when he heard voices on the other line.
"Where are you?" Aleks asked again, this time slower.
"I need my coat, that's all I need. Aleks just get me my coat," James said, clearly frustrated.
"I'm getting you your fucking coat, I just want to know where you are." Aleks opened the door to James' office, finding his coat hung over the chair. There was silence on the other end of the line, and Aleks sighed. Whatever, he didn't need to know, even though he really wanted to know where James was, he didn't need to know.
"I'm meeting with friends I haven't seen in a while, why?" James asked, now in a quieter room.
"Nothing, I was just wondering. Do you want me to drop it off at your house?" Aleks asked, the jacket now over his arm as he walked out of James' office.
"Yes, and while your there, can you take Ein out for me? I won't be home until later," James said, and Aleks nodded, before realizing that James couldn't actually see him.
"Y-yeah, yeah I'll do that. House key is..."
"Under the pot on the left side. Just open it right up," James said, and Aleks agreed again, walking to his car and saying goodbye to James. He was left in silence, the drive quiet as he went down the memorized route to James' house. He suppressed the small part of him that wanted to call James again and tell him that he needed to talk. James had other friends, people that definitely meant more that Aleks. People that would be missed if they were gone. People that didn't burden James with horrible thoughts and fears. People that-
Aleks jumped when a car cut right in front of him, slamming in the brakes to stop from colliding into it. Multiple horns were honked, and Aleks was breathing fast as he pulled over. He was shaking, taking deep breaths until he calmed down. He needed to get his mind off of James. Why was he even thinking about him? It wasn't like he didn't see or talk to his friend every single day, why would he care? Aleks closed his eyes, clearing his mind as he drove to James' home.
Once he was inside the house, he took Ein out, letting him do her business while he sat down. This was becoming a problem. Constant thoughts of James were muddling his mind, making him confused and not really there. He needed to stop these prying thoughts. Thoughts of James, thoughts of everything that had to do with James, because even though they made the dark thoughts go away for just a moment, and even though they made him feel all safe, as crazy as that sounds, they were scaring him.
Aleks brought Ein back inside, petting her softly before leaving the coat on the table. Only then did he see the notepad, and he smiled as he grabbed his pen out of his backpack and left a small note.
Here's your coat. Btw, u owe me for ditching me :P
~~~~~
Ooohhh what's James going to do??
*whispers* date date date date
Plus this chapter is LONG AND HAPPY *applauds self*
YOU ARE READING
Unknown |not cont.|
Fanfiction"Sometimes, I just want to... stop breathing." Aleks gave a sharp, pitiful laugh with his words, shaking his head. "You're drunk." "No, I'm not," he croaked, lips trembling. Silence fell between them. "But I really wish I was." __________ Note: dr...
