Unknown |not cont.|

UNPUBLISHED PART 3

Originally titled: the truth is in my heart and you have it in your hands

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"Can you tell me more?" James asked one day as he lounged with Aleks in his office. Aleks took a deep breath, looking at James with a sad look.

"Do you really want to know more?" He asked finally. James nodded. "Well," Aleks began, scratching the back of his head. "I don't really know when it started, but I'm going to say that thirteen is a good guess. Fourteen is when it kicked in, and I mean hard. I probably got less than three hours of sleep every night, instead spending me nights just staring at my ceiling thinking of stuff that really brought my mood down. And then, one year later, I started having trouble realizing what was real and what wasn't. Some days, I would feel everything in overdrive, and I would hide in my room to avoid those strong emotions that would overtake me. Other days, I wouldn't be able to feel anything. I would punch my fist into a wall and wouldn't feel that throbbing pain, I would take a rubber band and snap it against my wrist, only to feel a little tingle. I was completely lost for so many years." Aleks turned to look at James, who looked back and made Aleks avert his gaze to the floor. "But what I really hate is when my body is just aching for me to... end it. Don't- please don't hate me, I just need you to know that I don't want to die. I don't want to die, but at the same time I don't want to live, does that make sense? No, it doesn't but whatever, because that's what I want- to be stuck in the middle, not living but not dead. I'm terrified to die, and I'm scared to live, scared to live with those thoughts. I swear sometimes I just hold a fucking knife or a bottle thinking of how easier it would be if I just-"

"Don't do it," James said softly, looking at Aleks with a distressed look. Aleks smiled, letting out a laugh that seemed to happy for what they were talking about.

"Don't worry man, I'm too much of a coward to go through with it," he said, trying to reassure his friend. "Anyways, how about we go out? These walls are slowly suffocating me," Aleks said after a few moments, quickly changing the subject off of the depressing shit that made up his life. James nodded, getting up and walking behind Aleks as they left the room. Soon, they were out of the office, walking towards

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From what I remember, this was a sad sad night around two years ago.