Winter Affliction

Part 37

Does it really count as a rejection if he just told me he thought my feelings were a youthful mistake? Besides, Bob never rejected me, he'd just looked horrified when I talked about it.

He was depressing himself.

Truth be told, he was putting it off. For the first time in his memory, he had a good relationship with everyone he loved. There were still kinks to iron out and there were grievances that weren't easily forgotten, but the 'lout' was reformed and his family was happy. He had friends, family, and the person he was in love with paid him constant attention.

I know that it's not just pity.

He would have to be stupid to continue believing that after everything. Cale was unfortunately quite astute when it came to reading people.

...but what if it is?

He was also still a little insecure.

It would hurt too much if he confessed to Alver a third time and this time he received a firm rejection and a pitying look. He wasn't ready to face that.

Jungsu seems convinced we're going to get married. Crazy guy.

Cale ran a hand through his hair and settled down.

Alver was due to arrive at the Territory in roughly a month. There wouldn't be any fancy carriage or entourage, just the Crown Prince teleporting with a small group of trusted individuals in order to spend time with his good friend Cale Henituse.

Cale knew he was taking time out of his schedule that he shouldn't. Even now, Alver was probably overworking himself half to death just so that he'd have the freetime necessary to arrive. It would simply be easier for them both if Cale went to see him but Alver expressed a desire to visit after a long time and so, here they were.

The bittersweet nostalgia of welcoming Alver here mixed with the desire to see him. The idea of welcoming Alver here, happy to see him. Happy to welcome him. And to see that happiness reflected in Alver's eyes. Throughout their long engagement, this would be a first.

It's ridiculous how excited I am...

The letters were gently gathered up and placed back into the drawer where Cale kept them. He wouldn't admit it even under pain of torture but he'd been scouring the letters for some hint of Alver's feelings. You make me happy was still the strongest contender for an admission of love and Cale knew that was thin. But still, it didn't make for a bad evening to re-read letters sent by the man he loved.

He also had a hobby of reviewing the letters that Bob and Alver sent simultaneously for something more to hold above the duplicitous crown prince. It was hilarious how flustered Alver got when Cale started reading a letter aloud.

Alver was really just a dumb kid when he'd chosen to risk it all in order to comfort a fiance who he didn't even like. Crazy punk. Cale smiled fondly and let his eyes linger on the last letter.

He knew he should re-read it before Alver came.

Sometimes, he really let himself believe that Alver's feelings were the same as his own and that delusion would be difficult to hide during an in person visit. So it was better to rip the bandaid off now.

The lengthy and heartbreaking letter in which Bob assured him that Cale's own feelings didn't exist.

Cale hated that letter. If he loved Alver even a little bit less, the damn thing would be kindling. A letter that perfectly distilled all of Alver's worst arrogance and lies and betrayal and the letter that was going to tell him better than words ever could just how Alver felt about him. Or at least, how Alver felt about him when he wrote this letter.