Seventeen in December ➵ m.e

Chapter 9

Matthew kept his gaze on mine. "I can't do it! I can't break up with you." He stared at me closely. His eyes barely moving at all. By the way he looks, if he did blink tears would fall from his eyes. I couldn't speak. My mouth simply wouldn't move. Matthew took a seat next to me on his bed and sat his head into his hands. "Matt. I'm sorry, I-I really am. You have to know that I am." He bit his lip, "I know Emma. It's just, I mean, I-" I pressed my lips to his, and he leaned down on his bed. I moved closer to him and kept our lips pressed together. I pulled away for a second, "See. When I kiss you you, it means something. The other kiss was just a surprise. I didn't know what to do." His eyes met mine, "It meant nothing." He put his hand on the back of my neck and rejoined his lips to mine. I moved onto my back and Matthew moved so he was on top of me. "Matt I-" He took a deep breath and fell onto his back. "Emma, I love you so much. And I'll always be hesitant when your around other guys. But I need to trust that you won't give in to them. Or else were not gonna be together-" I turned on to my side and met his gaze. I pushed a bit of hair behind his ear, "Never again. Ok." He smiled, "Ugh, why do you have to be such a good kisser." We kissed again. Breaking apart seconds later. I sighed, "Matthew?" He moved in closer, "Yeah?" I blinked out a few tears and whispered. "I promise that this will never happen again, And I love you- I just love you so much. I always have, and I always will." Matthew put his arm around my waist, "I love you too Emma." He kissed my forehead and began to sit up. "What am I gonna do about Nash?" I shrugged, "How about you decide that later." I lightly tugged on the back of his shirt and he quickly turned his head. He grinned, "Kay." I smiled and wrapped my arms around his neck. He moved closer, and pressed his forehead to mine, "Can I kiss you now?" I nodded and he pressed his lips back onto mine.
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"So he just forgave you? Just like that?" Jackie twirled the ends of her hair. I nodded, "But that was just luck, I can't mess up like that again Jackie, I can't!" Jackie slid herself onto my bed. I smiled and turned to her, "So anyway Jackie, how's Cam?" She blushed, "I wouldn't know. The whole kiss was a one time thing, we're not together or anything like that." I laughed, "Uh, huh, okay."
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Matthew sat next to me on the couch. "Em, I need your advice." I put my hand on his shoulder, "Yeah?" He bit his lip, "This is gonna a be weird but what should I do about Nash? I mean I know everything that happened was between you two but-" I shook my head, "It's fine. But honestly, I think your the only one who can decide that. Either forgive him or hold it against him. Or get him back? I don't know." Matthew kept his gaze I front of him, in deep thought. He took a deep breath, "Ok." The door to matts apartment swung open. Cam came In laughing, but stopped when he saw Matt. "Dude, your back? Oh uh." Matt widened his eyes, "Shawn got a call from his producer and had to leave so I left t-" He stopped. I gritted my teeth, "Matt?" Matthew put his arm around me, "Guess who's here." I turned back quickly to see Nash. He had a sly grin on his face, as usual. "Ugh." Cam had become very pale, and was playing with his hands. "We uh, we can leave." Matt shook his head, "No, you can't. It's thundering outside, that's why Emma is still here. No one can leave in that." Nash flipped his hair to the side, "Uh-" Matt closed his eyes, "Don't even say anything dude. Not a word." I leaned back against the couch and sighed. This was going to be so awkward. "Hey Matt, why don't we go to your room and they can stay here." Matt shook his head slowly, "Okay." He glared at Nash as we left the room and no one said a word.

I shut the door behind me and sighed. "Ugh."
Matthew rubbed the palms of his hands together and paced around the room. "Why? I don't even understand why cams still friends with him in the first place. I just. I don't even know." I took a deep breath, "Matt, it's not like we have to talk to him. We can just ignore him ok?" Matthew kept pacing, and ignored my comment. "It's like he wants to make me miserable! Like he's trying to get back at me for something. But what? Why would he? Ugh." He laid into his bed, his hands fully covering his face. I sat next to him and ran my fingers through his hair, "It's ok Matthew." He moved his hand away from his face and sighed. "Now do you see Emma? This is why I never had girlfriends during my career. Why I was always sure to never make that mistake, cause it would all hit me later-" I sat up quickly, "Wait, so you regret being with me?" He put his hand on my shoulder, "No, that's not what I meant-" I stood up, "I think it's exactly what you meant. You want to forgive me Matt, but maybe you can't. Maybe you should've breakin up with me. Cause you know, I'm just a mistake." He stood up next to me, "You know that's not what meant Emma-" I nodded my head, and tears fell from my eyes. I quickly grabbed my backpack off his dresser and walked out the door. I tried to keep myself from crying but the tears just kept coming. I kept walking until I reached my bike outside, rain was pouring into me and thunder was making it hard for me to hear. "Emma please! You know I wanna be with you, you know that!" I ignored Matthews comments and rode down the street. My clothes heavy and my shoes sliding off my feet. I could barely see through the rain and blackness, but suddenly there was something bright,
I fell quickly, the taste of blood in my mouth. Then as I struggled to move, my eyes closed.