Deep in Thoughts

Empty

In the crucible of life, I find myself ensnared,
These pressures bear upon my soul, too heavy to be spared.
I utter but a whisper, for this stress does deeply sting,
Hoping for a brighter day, where my heart might take its wing.

They say that things get better, if I put myself first,
Amidst the storm, I'll navigate, quench my inner thirst.
Always striving, pushing hardest, not to break apart,
Yet the energy's relentless, tearing at my heart.

Sometimes, I seek to silence the clamor in my mind,
A tempest of thoughts, relentless, intertwined.
So much unfolds at once, in life's relentless rhyme,
Wishing for a moment's peace, as I mark the sands of time.

I've tried to stop the chaos, but life's grip is strong,
It pulls me ever onward, through nights both short and long.
That's the harsh reality, unvarnished, pure and true,
In this tangled web of life, I hope to find a clue.

"I'm messed up," I confess, but it's not what I desire,
I wonder if I'm good enough, or if I've lost the fire.
To drink, to smoke, to swallow, I've sought to numb the pain,
Drowning in my sorrow, as I dance in shadows' reign.

I've broken rules, discarded norms, pretended there's no morrow,
Longing for an endless night, where I could truly borrow.
But deep within, I'm empty, a hollowed, echoing chime,
Not wanting to endure, yet too afraid to climb.

I wish to erase memories that weigh upon my chest,
To quell the emptiness within, to let my heart find rest.
But temptation looms, a siren's call that's hard to shun,
In a world where there's so much to do, so much to come undone.

I yearn to let it go, to break these shackles tight,
But I'm ensnared and anchored, in the depths of endless night.
So I fill my cup with sorrows, sit alone, and hope,
That no one will disrupt this fragile, tenuous rope.

In the face of stark reality, I yearn to find my way,
To mend the broken pieces, to see the light of day.
Though I'm empty inside, a void of endless gray,
I cling to life's frayed edges, too scared to fade away.

My body trembles, head aches, as my heart begins to fray,
In the throes of desperation, as I falter on this sway.
But though I'm empty inside, feeling dead and cold,
I hold onto existence, a story yet untold.

For even in the darkest night, when hope seems far and wide,
There's a glimmer in the shadows, a reason to abide.
Though I don't want to live this pain, too scared to say goodbye,
I'll keep searching for the dawn, beneath the starry sky.

- jia