Rêveuse

Chapter 6

Charles came home the day before we had to leave for Australia. He repacked his bag and we went out for dinner together with his mother. My bag was packed, and the flight was long. I couldn't even mind it, because I was there with Charles for so long in a small space where we had no choice but to be with each other.

No license to complain.

In Australia he had three full days to just do whatever to get rid of the crazy jet lag. I thought he'd spend them with me, considering I was there. He went golfing with Carlos and surfing with Pierre. I spent time at the pool, because I had no other way to spend time.

I realized then that I need to find things to do myself. When he's away surfing, I want to be at brunch with someone, when he's golfing I want to be sailing, when he's racing I want to be horseback riding. I need stuff to do, and I need something to put time in that's not waiting for Charles.

The last day of his reset period, he went for a run. I had made plans the night before and completely planned out what I was going to do. Charles was gone when I woke up so I went to breakfast and got ready, then met him in the doorway as I was on my way out.

"Où vas-tu?" Where are you going?

"Le jardin botanique," The botanic garden, I replied with a quick smile.

"Seule?" Alone?

"Oui," Yes.

"Eh bien, j'aurais pu partir avec toi." Well, I could have gone with you, he replies.

"Je pensais que tu aurais déjà eu des projets pour la journée," I thought you would have already had plans for the day, I begin. "Je ne voulais pas rester assis à l'intérieur un autre jour." I didn't want to sit inside another day.

Charles looks disappointed. I can tell he feels a bit guilty, but that wasn't necessarily my intention. I understand that he has a lot to do and that this is a work trip, but I wouldn't take back what I said. I can't just keep sitting here waiting for him to come home everyday.

"Eh bien, donne-moi juste un moment pour nettoyer et je te rejoindrai." Well just give me a moment to clean up and I'll join you, he says grabbing my hand.

"Non, ne vous précipitez pas. Prends ton temps et tu pourras me retrouver plus tard." No, don't rush. Take your time and you can find me later, I reassure him.

"Es-tu sûr?" Are you sure? He asks and I nod in return, kissing his cheek. "Très bien, allez-y. Je te retrouverai quand je serai prêt." All right, go ahead. I'll meet you when I'm ready.

So I went to see the botanical gardens, walking through it with nothing but my own thoughts, thinking of how much my life has changed in such a short time. I wish I had done things differently before, and I wish I knew what I was doing with my life. I wish my life didn't revolve around other people but it does. I wish I could sit down in the grass, wait for Charles and just make him stay there with me so that I could see him every day.

Instead, I'll wait for him to finish this season. I'll hate it, but I will. He has to do this and I want him to succeed, he can see me when he's done. If he'll ever be done. I have a feeling that he'll be busy with the next season as soon as this one is over, but then I'll wait for that one to be over. I'll wait until I have him all to myself.

But I need to find a way to pass the time. He's doing what he loves. I was doing what I love, but since I can't do that anymore, I need to find something else that I love. I need to do other things that can make me as happy as dancing did. There has to be some way to pass time and make me happy at the same time.