That they attached a defibrillator and they announced they were starting CPR, and he watched your lifeless body jump from the shock and pushes to your chest.
He felt helpless and useless because you were his girl, and you were dying. You were dying and not breathing and Chris could only stare and go completely numb as the nurse pushed him out the door because he was so confused and scared.
He couldn't save you.
He couldn't save you from your own heart.
"I had to watch her die, do you understand that?"
Even though the problem was solved quickly, it felt like a lifetime.
When it was solved, the doctors walked away like nothing happened, you were just asleep like you were a few minutes before. He ran to the bathroom and threw up, sobbing against the toilet seat like something out of a movie.
He found strength to stand, he looked at himself in the mirror.
You always told him he was a beautiful cryer.
He didn't know what you saw.
He didn't wipe his eyes or rinse his mouth, he walked back out to your room, sitting back down next to you. He didn't take your hand because he didn't want anything or anyone to hurt you, even if it was his own touch.
Even now as he cried into Matt, he could still feel the dryness in his throat.
Matt's hands moved from Chris' back to his face, making Chris meet his eyes. Chris was sobbing uncontrollably as he refused to look anywhere but the ground.
"Chris" he shook his face. "Chris, look at me"
Chris looked exhausted when he looked up at him. His eyes were tired and drained.
"She's okay, she's going to wake up and she's not going to leave again"
"You don't know that"
"The doctors are sure of it"
"How the fuck are they sure, Matt?"
Suddenly, Chris shook his head and did his best to glare at Matt. "They didn't fucking know her heart would stop, did they?"
Matt ran his fingers through his hair and sighed
"Did they?"
Chris was yelling now, and he didn't like yelling at anyone but he was shaking and sobbing. Matt didn't look at him and Chris didn't know who he was right now. His eyes fall back to you, and tears stream as he looks at you.
There was purple splotches across your cheeks, eyes and head. You were bruised and bleeding and cut. You were hurt and he couldn't do anything to help you.
He reached out and stroked your cut cheekbone. He was shaking, he wanted you to feel him, to look at him and to know that he's here and he wasn't leaving.
"Chris" Matt whispered, cutting off Chris' thoughts. "She is going to be okay"
"What-" Chris breathed, then sniffled. "What if she doesn't wake up?"
Matt sighed. "She will"
"They don't know when"
"She will"
"They said-" Chris started, meeting Matt's eyes again. "They said it could be weeks before she wakes up"
"They said they were confident that wouldn't happen. That it was cautionary to know"
"That's a hope, Matt-"
"You have to have faith, Chris"
"I can't" he mumbled, turning to face you again. His hand found yours and he ran his other hand through his hair. "I can't have faith when there's so many things that can go wrong" he shook his head. "She went from a car accident, to flatlining, to-"
Moments
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