Adrenaline

Buried

*          *          *

            “Come here, Melissa,” he spoke softer than I was used to. I could barely recognize him. He'd lost a significant amount of weight, and his arms had purple bruises on them from the nurses sticking him with different needles, tubes, and IVs. His hair had thinned and he'd shaved his beard. Eight-year-old me was terrified to see him like this... My mother had warned me that he would look weak, but I never imagined he would look like this.

            “I love you,” was all I could think to say... I wanted him to know how much I loved him. He smiled at me with his eyes as he inhaled slowly, the oxygen machine making a whirring noise as he breathed. As I walked toward my Granddad, he reached his arm out to me. I wanted to speak to him, to tell him everything that was going through my mind, and at the same time I wanted to keep myself hidden... it was time to distance myself from him.

            I couldn't speak freely with that man standing in the corner, watching me. He stood straight, his face emotionless, his hands holding each other behind his back. He didn't blink, he just watched, waiting... waiting for something... but what, and why?

            I directed my attention back to my Granddad, whose eyes were now watery. We had the same eyes... though mine didn't hold back tears as well as his.

            “I want you to know that I've really enjoyed you being around, kiddo,” he said, resting his hand on my shoulder. I nodded my head because I didn't know what to say. “You and I, we share a real special connection.” The oxygen machine sucked in again as he breathed and slowly let it out. “I'm real glad I got a granddaughter as great as you, Mel.” It was the first time anybody had called me “Mel” before. I smiled; I liked the nickname. “I love you, sweetheart, I really, really do.”

            “I love you... too,” I said, sniffling in-between.

            The man in the corner walked toward my Granddad, his eyes remaining on me. I watched him, dread filling my entire body as his steps got closer and closer. He bent over my Granddad, looking straight into his eyes. A red cross shook in the man's hands, a sinisterly smile overtook his face as emotion left my Granddads.

            “Dad?” I heard my mom ask. There was no response.

            “Daddy?” she asked again. I could feel the barriers of my heart start to tremble, and my eyes became filled with tears.

            There was a warm hand on my shoulder, soothing my entire body. As I looked behind me, I saw who was touching me... the man who had looked my Granddad in the eyes as he died.

            “You can see me, can't you?” he asked. I nodded, incapable of words.

            “You can feel me.” This time it was a statement. I nodded once more, unsure what else I should do.

            “You love me,” he said in almost a demanding tone. I nodded again, this time not of my own volition. But as soon as I nodded, I felt it. The love. It was real.

            “Elijah!” I gasped, coming back to reality. The man at my Granddad's death was Elijah... How had I not made the connection? How could I have forgotten the memory of my Granddad's death until now? Star licked my face, her tail wagging. The blood on my arm was now sticky... the bleeding had slowed. I wondered how long I'd been out. I walked upstairs to grab the peroxide from under the kitchen sink; Star followed me, trotting along beside me, her eyes looking around the room.

            I poured the peroxide on the gash, biting the inside of my cheek as it stung my entire arm. I watched bubbles form and overflow. I dabbed the wound with a paper towel; it wasn't that bad. It barely even broke the skin... it had just bled a lot. I was just a big baby. That was all.