Part 9/ All too well.

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The door was already open when i arrived. I stepped into the hallway and looked about. He was throwing a party. Tons of adults danced around the place as music blasted so loud i couldn't hear my thoughts. The lights so bright i couldn't see. I walked around to find Eli or my mother. "Hey sweetheart! Come here." A man winked at me. "Ew!" I replied to him and walked off. I couldn't find any of them. I walked upstairs hopefully they were there. The first few rooms were empty but when i walked into the last room. My sister sat there. On the bed clearly upset and red in the eyes as if they'd been crying. "Aw girls. Are you guys okay?!" I rushed to their side and hugged them. I couldn't imagine what must be going on with them. Left alone in a strangers home with tons of drunk adults. I picked Izzy up and held Olivia's hand as i walked them down the stairs. As i reached the front garden my mothers voice could be heard from the door. "Where are you going Maddie!" Mum said happily as if this was the greatest idea in the world. "I'm taking them home Mum." I replied bluntly. "Why they were having fun!" My mum whined like a child who didn't get the barbie doll she wanted. "Is this you're idea of fun for them? You should be at work not taking your young kids to a party full of druggies and drugs like  yourself!" I yelled. "You're not there Mum! I am!" She yelled back. "And yet i'm a better fucking mother than you ever will be to them. Get a hold of yourself!" I didn't listen to another word and i left. I couldn't believe she would do this. "Are you two okay?" I asked. "I'm okay Maddie." Olivia said holding my hand. "I'm tired." Izzy sniffled. "Yeah same Izzy." I held her tight as we walked down the street.

"Goodnight girls! Sleep tight. I love you." I kissed their heads and turned off the light before shutting there bedroom door and walking to my room. I sighed and got changed into my pajamas. I began to think. If i hadn't gone out that night, my sisters would not have been to that party. I know they'll think about this for years because i remember when she did the same to me all those years ago, i hadn't forgotten. The blade laying on my desk stuck out to me amoungst the mess of my room. It was if it was calling to me, begging for me and all of a sudden i was holding it in my right hand. I can't do this. The constant fighting with my mother. My poor little sisters. IT was sort of all my fault and i knew it. I knew it like i knew the back of my hand. I dragged the blade across my left wrist hoping for any emotional relief. I replaced my mental pain with my physical pain. It was a feeling i knew all to well. 

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