DEPRESSION...a fancy word to say that your dying inside

I can't escape thinking about food.it haunts me.even in my dreams,they are nightmares,worst dreams I could have,sometimes I even wake up crying because I ate it my dream but I thought it was actually happening it even gets that bad.

monday morning i hear alarm I wake up ,first thought is that i ate something and takes 5seconds to realise it was only a bad dream.a relief washes over me,I try to calm myself down,that it was only a dream...

my dads not going to work today,ohh ...that's not good.he's gonna annoy me about breakfast,I got ready ,I was about go out the door to make sweet escape my dad asks 'did you eat anything?' I reply 'em no I have no time have to get a bus ,byeee dad' dad replys'oh okay.bye'

pheww...dad usually sleeps on is days off so he dosent ask stuff like that but today was one of days that he decided not to go to sleep after giving my mum a lift to work ,I use to get a lift before aswell but then my dad didn't want to give me lifts to school and I stopped bugging him about it.eh I can walk to bus stop...no biggie...I get some exercise aswell by walking.so it's a win ,win.anyways on mondays my dad will pick me up after school.rest of the day goes by fast...last period science,I hate it cause I have this girl there and I hate her she's rude twit I 'annoy her for no reason 'I stoped hanging with one of my friends because of her she was theere in the hang sometimes they ....not gonna go into detail now...she use to tell me to go away...it was really awkward for me...everytime I have languages she's in my class aswell it just ruins my mood&i become all depressed...so she keeps saying aswell that I copy some of my friends witch I dont...I always avoid her...in pe I work with this girl most time but she was there so I just walked away don't wanna be near her...so basically I'm hanging with different hang ...I stay after school I have to go to 'after school homework club'but today one of the days I cant be asked so I just go stand near entrance...wait till 15:30 arrives...my parents think I'm in a club but I'm not obviously ....then I just drift off start thinking about stuff,then I realise some time must of passes I check my phone it's 15:29,I better get going my dad might be here,I see a light blue BMW and know it's my dads car walk up to it open a door 'hi dad' he replys'hi'

huge silence ...hm not awkward att all-.-!'what did you have today?'he asks I'm about to answer but he says'lessons' I reply 'yuppp' he knows me to well i always answear it like that because I just don't wanna go into boring details,so home sweet home,I get out the car...unlock my house door go upstairs change.make myself some salad...eat it but I end up thinking that I ate too much...so I feel depressed ,worst feeling ever...I always wanted to be skinny...my friends tell me I'm skinny I'm like shhh your my friends that's what you should suppose to say...rest day I watch tv my mum comes home 'did u bring those fruit to school?' I reply 'emm no I forgot .tommorow?' I know it's not gonna happen tommorow I don't eat breakfast or lunch I only eat when I cone back from school and then I exercise zumba ,it's awesome...if I would eat too much witch I do on weekends I make myself throw up!I never been happy the way I look,my weight was probably my worst enemy.....I have many problems in my life...but I don't tell anyone because I know they don't give tiny rats face about it.why should they care...when bad stuff happen to me it dosent seem that bad because it happened to me.you know what I mean?!it's hard to explain ,I hope atleast you get a little bit of it.in school and always I put a happy face on ...and no one has to know about my problems,I become hyper,weird happy with my friends,but inside in hurting deep inside I'm braking ,no one can same me,I feel so alone,I don't tell anyone anything I know they won't understand,maybe it's just me I'm just closed person,maybe I just need to get over myself,maybe I deserve a life like this?

sometimes I cry myself to sleep just thinking all stuff that happened to me in 15years I lived and the ones i remember best are the worst memories witch make my heart break.sorry for being miss depressive...but the thing is in my life I never been truly happy,I know my problems aren't that bad people had worst lifes than me..I end up feeling like selfish mother of ...biscuit!