beautiful one, sharer of my longing

29: Happy birthday Satoru

Instead you busied yourself with his words and his words only, realizing that he was at the end of the death prayer.

"A life now silent, living only in the memory of those who survive," Satoru said as though it was a memorized verse, "may the gods bring you safe passage into the afterlife, Sakichi-sama."

"Goodbye, Sakichi-sama."

Soon the fire overtook the white of the cloth, and the moment everyone stood to their feet, he was dragging you back to the carriage with an unreadable expression. It was entirely likely he just didn't want to watch his deceased father's body burn with the rest of his unlikeable family. And yet you followed him, you always would.

"Hell of a way to spend a birthday, huh?" he scoffed.

"The day is not yet over." you reminded him gently. The both of you approached the carriage far off away from the pyre, the tall black steeds greeting you with a quiet whinny. As Satoru opened the carriage door you made sure to pat the two horses on their noses and address the coachman, then grasping your husband's hand and nestling inside the coach.

"Me and Satoshi said that when dad died, he would stand in my place to say the death prayer because I was scared of speaking in front of people when I was a kid."

Satoru very rarely spoke of his late brother. Yet you met the man a mere handful of times at gatherings.

"You both were strikingly similar."

"I guess," he smiled sadly, "you saw the little brown dot in his right eye. Barely noticeable."

"Why were you never at the parties?"

"Wanted to spend as much time being a kid that I could. Youth is never too long," You hummed curiously, thus allowing him to choose whether he spoke or not. He did. "He died of measles when he was twenty-four. I don't know why I'm telling you this."

"I don't mind."

"We were supposed to have a joint wedding," he said. Nostalgia dripped from his voice. "We were supposed to walk down with our wives together: all four of us, arm in arm." He laughed then. Quietly.

You smiled. "That would be of the utmost entertainment."

"Oh yeah," he chuckled, "he always wanted to marry Noritoshi-san's oldest sister."

"Runa?!"

"Yeah, can you believe it?"

"She's beautiful...and quite older than you."

"She's okay. He was just into older women, I guess," Satoru shrugged, "I never really wanted to be a Lord, or do all the formal stuff, but since we were gonna do it together, it didn't sound so bad. But he was supposed to be my scribe. Now I have to pay Suguru to do that."

"Oh, but at least you get to spend time with Suguru."

"I'd rather spend time with Satoshi," he said with disappointment, then looked out of the window at the snow-laid pasture. "I mean, I love Suguru...he's my best friend but, maybe if Satoshi were here, I wouldn't be so lonely."

"You feel lonely?"

"I'm on top of the world, y/n," he murmured, "of course I'm lonely. But it would be even worse if I didn't know you," your eyes met his with a small smile. A timid one, and Satoru sighed. "I would be fucking miserable if I didn't know you."

Your smile was bashful. With the small shake of your head, you told hold of his hand.

"You are nine and twenty today, correct?"

"That I am," he confirmed as he held your own, his breath fogging in front of the both of you, "are you fond of older men?" Satoru's smirk was killer, making you chuckle quietly before nervously avoiding his gaze.