{-JIARA-}

Hurt

KIE- DATING

Surfing really clears your head. It help me push down what I want to share. I don't like talking my feelings or emotions, but I love stating my opinion. I try and do the right thing, it usually always works.

Right now, not so much. I'm running from my problems. I'm running from my feelings. My emotions aren't mine, at least, they don't feel like it. I start thinking things I never thought of before. These things hurt, and I don't know if that pain will go away. I don't want to feel my feelings or emotions, but these ones sting... more than usual. It was something Pope said, but it was only us.

—
"So how are things with JJ, Kie?" He asked.

"THEY'RE GREAT! He's an amazing boyfriend. He really takes care of me in way that no one has before." I told him.

His face fell, which felt so familiar. I look at him in confusion. Did I say something? Must've been me, it happened as soon as I said something!

"So that's it? No one else cares about you?" He fought.

He was with Cleo. What was he on about?

"That's not what I said, I-" he cut me off.

"You have parents, other friends, you have people that care! Cleo doesn't have that, you can't go around and say they don't care!" He challenged.

I don't get it. I never said anything like that, or meant it like that! My mind wanders.

Maybe if I reworded that differently.

Maybe if I thought about others.

Maybe if I stopped focusing on my feelings.

I didn't respond, I just walked away, invested in what my head questioned.

I know it was dramatic to walk away, but I needed to breathe. Family that cares. Yeah, about their reputation, not as much about me. My parents are absolutely pressed about JJ! He's the best option for me and I know that! Why was Pope so pressed about it. What shot him? Like seriously! It truly didn't have to be taken the way he took it. My family wasn't perfect, far from it. They all knew that. Yeah, I got lucky to have parents, but not the type a basic teenage girl should have. Ones that lock me away when they think I did something wrong. I try so hard, and we all knew I did. I felt neglected with them. My friends never neglected me... JJ never neglected me. JJ was the best escape from my parents. From anything to be exact. But I didn't have JJ right now. I had my board, and I had my emotions. Had to get rid of one of the other.

-

I should've gotten rid of the board.

—

And here I am. Walking at 10 at night with my not so freshly waxed board. I didn't have time to wax it, but if I did, this wouldn't feel the same. I had to get out ASAP. I'm talking seconds after, not minutes and hours.

I shut my phone off, no notifications coming in. I walk in, the fresh salty water hitting my ankles was the best feeling right now. I paddle out, the waves were pretty good tonight, I've seen better though.

When I surf, my mind crawl back to JJ. We all know he's an amazing surfer. I love him, but I feel bad I went on a little tangent about him to Pope. But I adore him. I really do, I don't feel bad for talking highly of him, I never will. But saying too much is what I'm worried about.

I hear something, I turn towards it, looking around, forgetting what I was doing. Next things I feel is my board hit me and cold water tackling over me.