VIOLET (A Harry Potter Universe Fanfiction)

22.

"I'm sorry for crying last night," Caiti said. "I didn't mean to freak you out."

"Don't apologize for that. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Well, neither did you. And I just don't want you thinking you did." She inhaled. "It was just a lot of emotions that hit me at once. I felt really vulnerable and I got overwhelmed."

Marlowe opened his mouth, but Caiti beat him to it. She wasn't done.

"I don't regret it though. I'm being honest about that."

"Okay," he said. "I believe you."

They looked at each other a while. Caiti's face turned a little more serious.

"I tried something on Thursday," she said. "When you were at training."

"Tried what?" asked Marlowe, wondering why he suddenly felt a little queasy with nerves.

Then he realized it was because Caiti seemed nervous, too. She hesitated. He tried to take a deep breath without making it obvious.

"I used some of the venom," she said finally.

"Oh," said Marlowe, and, unexpectedly, heat rose up the back of his neck.

"I just thought... I needed to stop being afraid of wasting it or I really was going to waste it. So I made your potion and I added it in to see what happened and..." she paused again, then began to describe what she'd seen — the pearly white color spreading out around the drops, slightly translucent, the fog of steam hovering above the cauldron.

It was this image that Marlowe fixated on. Though he hadn't actually seen it himself, Marlowe felt like he finally understood the weird suppressed feeling he often got on full moon nights. It was like the potion condensed everything into one spot, pulled it out just far enough that he couldn't act on it, but didn't actually draw it out of him altogether.

He realized Caiti had stopped talking too late. She was looking at him with so much concern in her face.

"Sorry," he said. "I was just thinking... that's what it feels like, you know? Like what I am is still there, and I'm still capable of being all of that. It's just sort of... out of reach."

Caiti was looking at him like she was regretting saying anything at all, so Marlowe reached out and brushed his fingers along her cheek. "Thanks for updating me," he said. "I'm glad you're using it. I really hope it helps."

"Me too," said Caiti, but that worried look hadn't gone out of her eyes, so Marlowe suggested they brave the rain.

Marlowe tried to conjure an umbrella, but he was a little rusty on conjuring spells and it came out doll-sized which made Caiti laugh and helped to break him out of his funk a little. Rather than try again, he put an engorgement charm on it which brought it up to an acceptable size for humans.

He shrugged. "It'll do, I think."

Outside, Marlowe held the umbrella between them with his left hand and put his other arm around Caiti. They stuck close together to stay out of the rain, looking out for a good lunch spot as best they could under the umbrella.

They stopped on a street corner waiting for the light to change — a concept which was new to Caiti, but familiar to Marlowe who'd grown up as much in the muggle world via his mum as the magical world with his dad — and Caiti's head turned back and forth watching the cars zip by.

"It wasn't a spur of the moment thing?" Marlowe asked.

She stopped watching the cars and looked at him instead.

"Using the venom?" she asked. Marlowe faltered. He had almost forgotten that was the last thing they'd really talked about. His mind had drifted back to the impossible fact that he had had sex with Caitlin O'Connell last night.