I want him so bad but Snoop Dogg convinced me that he slept with my girlfriend

Her funeral

My grandma was buried today and so was my friendship with Mordecai. I asked him to do one thing for me and he goes and does the complete opposite of it.

Yesterday, my grandma died from getting pepper sprayed by the local police at a political riot for the ex president. She always told me and my brother that she would die defending the ex president, but I didn't know that she meant it in a literal sense.

My girlfriend; Pete Davidson was waiting in my room while I was getting ready to go to the funeral home. Pete Davidson is everything to me. She always treats me like I'm the most important person in her life and she makes sure to push me out of my comfort zone every now and then. She's the first person that I ever said the words "I love you beybe" to. She's the first person to ever have sex with me. Even the day that I heard the news, she made sure that I didn't feel morbidly depressed and comforted me in her own specwial way..

My beybe Mordecai came to my place in his 2pac funeral suit. The moment I saw him in the entryway of my phase 8 apartment I couldn't help but start sobbing like someone tickled me.
"Stop crying already." . He scoffed. "I can't help it! She said you looked handsome in that suit!!". I clenched my chest as I remembered my grandma's gentle wispy voice.

I took a few good minutes to regain my composure before asking Mordecai for a favor. 

"Can you bring Pete Davidson to the funeral?"

"Why should I?" 

"You know what my papa thinks of her. I can't bring her to the funeral when my papa is already having such a hard time, but you can." 

He took a couple of seconds before agreeing to it and I left the apartment after telling Pete Davidson that I was leaving.

That was a terrible mistake.

When I arrived at the funeral home I got a call from a loser koreaboo. 

"Annyeongseo!! Rigby hyung!! Help me!!!". Pops cried into the phone. 

"Hello? I can't hear you. Can you speak up? ".

"RIGBY HYUNG!! STOP JOKING HAA!! THEY'RE GOING TO KILL ME!! ". 

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU!! SPEAK UP?!!" I screamed into the phone before hanging up on him. 

Pops is a guy that we met in year 8. I don't know much about him apart from the fact that he's dating this guy called Jiminie papo and that he fucking sucks. He does this weird thing where he adds the word hyung behind our names like he's Korean or something. He also transferred to South Korea an year ago and apparently he is even less popular there. 

My papa called me over the moment I hung up the phone and he yelled at me for being late. I apologized profusely and followed behind him to pray for my grandma. 

When I was done I saw my weirdly racist friend Skips at the entrance of the funeral home. "What are you doing there Skips? ". I approached him while raising my hands up just in case he decided to act like his white ancestors. 

He took out a pair of gloves and put them on before grabbing me by the shoulders and telling me something that shook me to the core. 

"Rigby. I don't want to be the one telling you this but I saw Mordecai going down on Pete Davidson."

"..What? Mordecai-? Not funny skips."

"I'm not joking you rihaakuru muncher. I have proof." . He opened his phone and showed me a 10 minute long soft porn video of my BEYBE MORDECAI going down on MY GIRLFRIEND of 6 months in MY GRANDMA'S ROOM. 

I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do and then Mordecai showed up alone. 

His hair was tussled and he smelled distinctly like Sexy girl perfume. I knew I couldn't face him without letting my emotions get the better of me so I walked away from the both of them and went to join my papa and brother. 

The funeral proceeded like normal but my heart felt like it was full of kidney stones. Why would he do that? I thought he was joking all the times he told me that he's gonna have animal sex with my girlfriend. We have matching prince alberts but I guess that didn't mean anything to him. How cruel of a person has sex with their friend's girlfriend on HIS RECENTLY DECEASED GRANDMOTHER'S BED?! No.. Mordecai is not that kind of person he would never do that to me. He's not a monster. Skips and Mordecai are just playing a prank on me to cheer me up!

Mordecai and Skips left together after Mordecai flirted with every girl at the funeral and got friend zoned by a majority of them.

I was sitting on a dirty curb outside the funeral home when my Snoop Dogg necklace started shining. 

"Snoop pupp.. Snoop pupp!!" . I heard the melodic voice of Snoop Dogg cry out. 

"SNOOP DOGG?! WHERE ARE YOU??? ". I scanned the area. 

"I'm in your heart Snoop pupp.. I need to tell you something Kiddo." . 

"What?! Tell me anything my lord! ". 

"Your friend.. the one with the 2pac suit.." .

"Mordecai? W-what about him?!" .

"He slept with her! He slept with your girlfriend!!" . Snoop Dogg cried out in terror. 

"NO! NO NO! HE WOULDN'T DO THAT! SKIPS MADE IT UP AS A JOKE! NO NO! ". I screamed out loud before my brother slapped me across the face.