XIII

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"I was surprised to see heaven in your eyes. I never once was treated right. You're what I'm missing in my life.

as bright as the sun, give me your vitamin d, let's run into another dimension. you make me feel like I'm on drugs."

-

"sally face." I sniffled. "we need to talk."

he looked at me, concerned. "Yeah..?" we were on my bed. my room was nearly empty now, boxes piled in the closet. I wonder how he hadn't noticed or never even brought it up. I looked out my window, the same window I had looked out of every day for the past 13 years. the sunset stayed just as beautiful as the first.

"I'm moving."

sal felt his heart drop. "You're staying in town, right?" he pleaded. he gently grabbed my hand. my heart ached, I didn't want to leave my best friend. he was my rock, and I wasn't sure I could live laugh love without him.

"No." I croaked.

sal giggled. "you're funny, you really know how to give me a fucking heart attack." he pushed my hand away from him.

"I'm not shitting you. look around my room, sal." I was being harsh but I was so very scared.

he hesitated before looking around, knowing he was about to be proven wrong. "oh." he replied.

"yeah."

sal rubbed his eye and wiped his hand on his pants. "are we going to be okay?" sal asked cautiously.

I laughed quietly. "if you think you can get rid of me that easily, you're crazy."

he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and rested his head. he let out a shaky sigh. "we can be pen pals?"

"duh." I exclaimed.

"Where are you moving to?"

"nockfell."

-

I hugged my knees to my chest as I zoned out. ever since that night, I've felt too guilty to even look sal in the eye: guilty because I let him touch me again. I knew I should've talked to sal about it. part of me screamed that if I told him, sal would hurt me. but I knew that wasn't sal, sal wasn't Shawn. he was gentle, maybe too gentle at times. so much more gentle than shawn could've ever been. the though of him made me sick, even saying his name felt like vomit. I never realized how much I missed sal until he was back in my arms. now, I can't live without him.

-

Yet another day at the lake with Sal, Larry, Ash, Todd, and Neil. I mean, was there anything better to do in this boring ass town? I sat at the edge of the water, contemplating wether or not I should tell Sal. Anxiety resonated in me as I decided I should talk to Sal about it. He's been unconditionally loving, but I still feel like he's angry. I sat on the trunk of Ash's car watching as Ash and Larry fought, trying to drown each other. Although my head was pounding, a smile still managed to creep up on my face. The sun wasn't blazing, surprisingly, so I knew the water was probably freezing.

Staying clean was like holding my breath, and every relapse was choking me like chains wrapped around my neck. With every hit, snort, temptation; they got tighter.

I watched as Sal flipped his soaking hair over his shoulder. "So sassy!" I called to him.

He looked over at me and put his hand on his waist, popping out his hip. "I know, right?" He said in a girly voice.

I rolled my eyes and giggled.

"I love you."

"I love you more!" He replied, still using his feminine voice.

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