How to Stay Afloat

~28: Where She Finally Gets Closure~

"No," I whispered. "No, he didn't."

~~**~~

It was after ten, I had just finished closing the café when a hand closed around my elbow. I jerked back in surprise, my body automatically taking up a fighting stance.

A man stepped out from the shadows and I inhaled sharply when I saw his face.

Chase.

"What do you want?" The words were sharp when they left my mouth.

For a moment he didn't say anything, he just stood there looking at me his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his sweatpants. The first thing I noticed was how different he looked from his usual self. For one, he was wearing grey sweats instead of his usual black attire and signature leather jacket. His usually perfect hair was disheveled and there were bags under his eyes.

I felt a pang of concern but pushed it down.

I didn't owe him anything. Not after what he'd done. Not after how he'd treated me.

"What do you want Chase?" I asked again in a slightly calmer voice.

He flinched when I said his name and I saw his throat work nervously as he swallowed. Again, I was struck by how unlike him this was.

I'd dated him for two years and the Chase Michelson I knew didn't wear sweats. He was always sure of himself, and he was never nervous.

"I've been trying to muster up the courage to face you for a week now." His voice was hoarse. His hands flexed at his sides.

He grimaced and finally met my eyes. "I wanted to apologize." He took a shuddering breath. "I'm so sorry Fallon. For everything."

Something inside my chest cracked. All the hurt, the anger, all the shame he had made me feel during our time together started bleeding out.

"You had no right to make me feel that way," I said quietly.

His gaze became anguished. "I didn't. And I know a lousy apology doesn't make up for how I treated you. . ." He paused. "I don't know if this makes any difference, but I've been seeing a therapist and I've realized that my parent's divorce fucked me up. I took a lot of my anger and insecurities out on you. You didn't deserve that. And I am so so sorry Fallon. You have every reason to hate me."

I was about to respond when the sound of screeching tires and a car door slamming caught my attention. The next thing I knew Archer's tall frame was in front of me and he was shoving Chase back.

"Get the fuck away from her Michelson," Archer growled, his tone lethal.

Chase just raised his hands in a placating manner. "Look man, I just want to talk to her. I don't want to start anything."

"You started something the moment you approached her." Archer's entire body was practically trembling with fury. His hands were balled so tightly that his knuckles turned white.

I gently laid a hand on his back. "Archer it's okay," I said softly.

Archer's head twisted back to look at me, his stern gaze immediately softened as he took me in. His eyes searched my face for any signs of distress.

"He's telling the truth. He just wants to talk." I assured him.

He gave me a look as if to say. "Are you sure?"

And I gave him a slight nod.

With one more begrudging look in Chase's direction. He turned to me. "I'll be waiting in the car. He moves a single hair the wrong way I'll fucking make him regret it." He whispered in my ear, he brushed his lips against my jaw affectionately before leaving.

I turned to Chase again.

"I'm glad you're seeking help. It's a step in the right direction." I finally spoke up.

He started to speak but I held a hand up to silence him. "And as for what you said earlier, I don't hate you, Chase. I don't think I ever hated you. I just hated how I felt when I was with you."

He sighed softly. "You're a bigger person than me because if someone had treated me how I treated you I would have hated them with everything I had."

I looked at him, "Hate is too exhausting, what I feel for you is more like indifference." I almost winced at how harsh my words had sounded but it was the truth.

I hadn't forgiven him. Not yet.

The wounds he had caused still stung.

But I knew, in my heart, that one day when I had healed completely, forgiveness would come.

A look of understanding passed between us.

He smiled at me, his eyes lighting up a little and for a moment I was reminded of the boy I'd fallen in love with three years ago.

The boy who had hurt me,

Bullied me for being myself.

Made me feel like I wasn't good enough.

But he was also the boy whose shoulder I had cried on so many times.

Who'd let me stay with him when I had no place to go,

Who'd stayed at the hospital with me when I was sick.

I could feel tears start to well up in my eyes.

I was surprised to find that his eyes were shining too.

"It wasn't all bad, was it?" His voice was raw.

"No, it wasn't," I told him honestly.

It's the good moments in the end that make it so hard to leave people who you know aren't good for you.

His gaze flickered behind me to where Archer was.

Chase swallowed thickly. "For what little my opinion is worth, I'm glad you have someone who protects you as fiercely as Archer." He looked at me, his eyes sincere. "If anyone deserves that kind of love, it's you, Fallon." He murmured.

I bit the inside of my cheek. There was a dull ache in my chest.

"I want you to be happy Chase," I told him truthfully. "I hope you heal enough to experience that kind of happiness."

I gave him one last smile before turning away from him and walking towards Archer.