Polaris

Ring

I hooked his finger with mine. "I know, Luka. Thank you," I kissed him. "I will. Thank you for taking such good care of me every time."

I really felt as if I was swamped with gratitude. "Thank you for always comforting me. Thank you for always being there for me."

"I wasn't there for you for the first 17 years of your life." Luka lamented. "So please let me be there for the rest."

I laughed. "Mmh. Just please me tonight, and I'll decide then."

He chuckled, and pinched my nose with no genuine strength. "You're hard to please, huh?"

"Of course," I puffed up my chest. "I have the experience and the standards." The dark humour made Luka freeze. I smiled, and he grabbed my hand tighter with a small, sad smile. "Would you like to prepare first?"

"Mhm." I stroked his cheek gently, the way he did for me every time. "I'll come back soon, my dear."

__________

...

I was nervous. I couldn't deceive myself anymore.

Even if I said so firmly to Luka that I wanted him to take me, I still couldn't register the fact that I would really be going all the way with Luka.

Ironically enough, I wasn't even the virgin in this scenario, Luka was.

I paced back and forth, nervously wringing my hands together. I knew Luka would treat me well, but everything about this scared me. I felt a burden on me to perform well for him, because I wanted his first time to be unforgettable.

I wandered to my bed, and pulled out something from under it. It was a rather large black box, and after I swiped away the light layer dust collected on the cover and opened it, a set of white lingerie sat in the box, patiently waiting for me to pick it up.

I'd gotten it when shopping with Eli, and he'd teased me to the ends of the earth but he promised not to tell Luka about it..! I bought it only because Eli had dragged me into the shop, and I saw one on display that I simply couldn't pass by. It had bunny headbands on it, and I was inadvertently reminded of Luka's words. I looked like a bunny.

Gently picking it up, I noticed that the lingerie was relatively gender neutral? By Eli's words, he usually had to buy female lingerie because there wasn't much for males, and sometimes they were too busty at the chest, and too restrictive between the legs.

But the one I got was soft, silky and flowy. It didn't really have a form, and was made of rather stretchy material. So when I wore it, I could fit..

I hurriedly grabbed it and locked myself in my bathroom. I didn't know why I would lock it. Luka would be waiting for me in his room, and I'd locked the door to my room already, too. The added privacy, however, soothed my nerves and calmed me down.

I stripped myself first, and took a shower. Usually, before Father rented me out, he'd clean me down and essentially rub my skin with water until it was all red. The clients also liked me cleaned, so Luka would probably prefer that too.

Ugh, I was treating Luka like a client. He wasn't. He was the love of my life... what was wrong with me?

I resisted the wave of disgust that churned in my stomach, before using soap and more scented oils. I sniffed at my skin; okay, I smelled nice.

As I stared at my skin for a while, I realised how pale I was. Compared to Luka, I was like a corpse. My skin was also littered with little scars that made me recoil badly.

Stop...this wasn't the time for it.

I desperately pulled out the memory of Luka kissing my scars gently, whispering the softest of words.