Summary:
if life has taught jimin anything, it's that you can love someone with everything you have and it can still mean nothing.
it's a good thing that's not life's only lesson for him.
Notes:
just as a warning but jimin sleeps with someone he doesn't really want to in this and is upset about it. the fic is the aftermath and the actual experience isn't described but if the emotions could be upsetting to you, please don't read.
Jimin walks into his apartment, whatever resolve he's using to hold back his tears wavering with each passing second.
He lets out a shuddering breath, his door shutting behind him and despite the thousand and one promises he's made himself, he pulls out his phone and stares down at Jeongguk's contact ID. Jimin doesn't even consider it, he hits dial, sniffling and exhausted and god, he hates himself right now.
He hates himself so much.
Jeongguk picks up on the third ring, voice already laced with worry. "Hyung?"
Jimin does his best not to cry, the back of his hand pressing against his left eye. "Jeongguk."
He prides himself on how his voice doesn't crack.
"Hyung, what happened? It's 2 am," Jeongguk says, and Jimin knows this is unfair. After all, he'd been the one to suggest they get their own places. "Didn't you have a date?"
"Um," Jimin starts, sucking in a breath. He pushes himself to take off his boots, hates how he still feels dirty and used. The guy hadn't even used a condom. "It — It didn't go very well."
Jeongguk doesn't say anything for a moment, the line going completely silent, and then, "Go shower and I'll be there in fifteen okay?"
"You don't — "
"I was up, hyung, and you knew I would be. Isn't that why you called? So don't worry about it."
"Thank you," Jimin mumbles out and the hatred only intensifies, stabbing him in the heart over and over. Jeongguk must be so tired of him.
"Anything for you," Jeongguk says. Jimin swears he can hear his smile, eyes squeezing shut. "See you soon."
The line goes dead and Jimin stands there for a moment, listening to the dial tone, wishing he didn't make one stupid decision after the other. Somehow he gets himself to the bathroom, and then he can't get out of his clothes fast enough, skin crawling as he attempts to block the whole night out.
For every step Jimin takes to move on, to forget his stupid, awful feelings, life seems to drag him right back to the one person he is trying so desperately to grow out of. He doesn't want to ruin eight years of friendship, heart lurching in his chest at the very idea of losing Jeongguk.
Jimin cries in the shower, and it isn't a dam breaking, but his heart aches and aches and aches . The feeling throbs through his body until Jimin can feel it all the way down to his fingertips. He doesn't step out from under the spray until he hears the footsteps, knowing Jeongguk's let himself in.
Jimin probably shouldn't have given the object of his every romantic fantasy a key to his apartment but he'd made that mistake, too.
It takes Jimin a moment, towel pressed against his face as he tries to compose himself. He doesn't want to cry in front of Jeongguk, doesn't want to worry him even more. Guilt gnaws at him for even calling him in the first place but Jeongguk had been right. He'd known Jeongguk would be up; he always stayed up until god knows when on Friday nights playing Overwatch .
