Swan Upon Leda // Jake Kiszka

Chapter Three

You were standing out in the yard amongst the tall grass. A bottle of beer in your hand as you stood looking up at the sky. It tasted like watered down piss. You threw the bottle down into the grass and listened to it smash against an old car part that was lost in the overgrown blades.

"Just come back inside!" Jake yelled, swinging the screen door open so aggressively it slammed against the side of the house.

You didn't want to go back in there. If you went back in there it meant that you'd be forced to admit that you were terrified you were going to lose him. That he was the single most important thing in your life and you'd come to realise that he was slipping from your fingers.

"Swan..." He continued, stomping down the porch steps. "The fuck has gotten into you?!"

You scoffed at the insinuation that he was clueless as to why you'd stormed off.

"I mean it, Swan. You better start talking to me." He said, grabbing your arm to spin you around.

You immediately yanked yourself free. "Don't you fucking touch me!"

You were breaking his heart. You could see it in his eyes. The usual warmth in them turned cold. And you had been the one to douse the fire in them. You couldn't bear it.

"One minute we're fine." He sighed, defeated. "Then the next it's like you fucking hate me?! I don't get it. What the fuck did I do?"

There had been moments where you'd felt as if you'd been taken out of your own body. When you'd stood at the side of small stages and watched him play, a V.I.P lanyard swinging from your neck. Other times it was when he took you home, and he turned the very air you breathed there into something pure.

Almost as if he was erasing the memories one by one. Replacing them with blissful new ones. And every day the fear of losing him intensified with the fact that every day you needed him just that little bit more.

"You just don't get it, do you?!" You cried, throwing your hands up in the air. "This is it, isn't it?"

He was dumbfounded. Staring at you like you'd gone insane and driven him mad alongside you. Open mouthed and wide eyed, shaking his head just a little as he tried to understand why you were pushing him away.

"What is what?!" He pleaded, " You can't just run out on me like that. You just can't."

You could feel the wild beat of your heart in your chest. Your palms were clammy and it felt like you couldn't take enough air into your lungs. Just looking at him was painful.

"Take a look around, Jake. Does any of this say bright future to you? I'll be here in this fucking house when you're long gone. And I'll be damned if I'm going to hold you back."

The smile that crept upon his lips in that moment made the rage in your stomach spill up into your throat.

"This is about us getting signed, isn't it?" He nodded, "I fucking knew it."

The way you wanted to both hurt him and protect him all at the same time was threatening to choke you. But all you'd ever known was violence. It was the only release from this strange feeling of temporary contentment that you had.

You curled your fists and began beating him down on his chest. Pushing him back, raining blow after blow whilst screaming into his face. Certain that he would just pack his bags, get in his car, and leave.

"Hey..." He grunted, taking a firm grip of your wrists as you continued your assault. "HEY!!!"

The very fact that he had raised his voice disarmed you. Feeling the tightness of his grip, he fought to keep you still. He was stronger than you. There was no reason to keep going, but something within had taken a much firmer grip than Jake had.