But What If || Neteyam x reader

Separate Nighttime

      I knew it wasn't anyone's fault, I knew we all went on our own accord. But I couldn't stop thinking this was all my fault. I should have done something different, I knew I didn't regret saving Spider but I just wished there had been something different about what I had done. I should have covered her so she could have gotten in the water safely, I should have never let her take the gun from me. I should have protected her, I had done so before back when Ao'nung and his friends started ganging up on Kiri, (Y/N), and Lo'ak. Although the stakes were less high. Not to mention (Y/N) and Lo'ak carried their own as well in the small quarrel. I was glad she joined in on the fight actually, I was surprised I was but I liked the fact that she would also do anything for my family. It showed me how much she had grown to care about all of us.

     What happened afterward wasn't ideal though, I chuckled a bit as I looked at her, we were in the same tent as before. Tending to each other's wounds, they were minor ones then. I had a few bruises and my lip was bleeding, she had a few bruises too, although her temple was bleeding. I addressed her first, not minding myself and my aching body. She as always reacted poorly to the ointments, I had never had any medicine from the Metkayina so I had no idea how much they actually stung. "I wouldn't have to keep using these ointments if you would stop getting injured." (Y/N) was just accident prone it seemed. She gave me a stink eye as I had finished my sentence. "I don't mean to, it just happens by accident." I could see how most of her injuries were gained by accidents but in a fight they are inevitable.

       "Really? Did you not think you would get a single scratch when you joined that fight?" Was she just ignorant about her own safety or just reckless when it came to protecting my family? "You should've stayed watching on the sidelines with Kiri." It was funny, the fight reflected the situation now. Maybe if (Y/N) had stayed with Kiri or gone with Tuk she wouldn't be in this condition. But with the next sentence, she said I knew even if I had tried to convince her to go with Tuk and Tisreya on the ship she would have followed Lo'ak and me regardless. "And let the fight be two against four? No way, that would be unfair." I shook my head and smiled, there was nothing she wouldn't do for us, or for me. I know that now. I think I subconsciously knew back then when she insisted on taking care of my wounds too and what came after. "Uh uh, nope."

      She quickly grabbed the ointments from my hands. "Come here, let me take care of that lip." I was tempted to just sit right back down then but my mouth on instinct brushed my own needs aside. "No, no don't worry I am fine." I raised my hand in protest but she didn't take no for an answer. "Neteyam." I was happy she hadn't listened to me. "Okay, fine." I liked that she wanted to take care of me, it made me feel seen. Like I didn't always have to be the one always in the care-taking role. I melted there, I rested for a moment and let my thoughts stop about Lo'ak and any other responsibilities I had that day. I was just there letting her stare into my eyes, she looked nervous but her body looked gentle. She shyly smiled as her gaze moved down to my lip, my eyes kept on her. She looked beautiful as she set the ointment on my lip. "Ow, that does sting." Her face cracked into a smile, it seemed like she was always smiling, her smile lines were a prominent show of that. "That's what I've been telling you." They were beautiful to watch, her skin moved the same way each time in a hypnotizing formation.

        I could still see the lines on her face now, even if she hadn't smiled in a while. "Neteyam." I knew my mother was behind me now. "How are you feeling?" I let myself breathe. "I'm Okay, but I have a question." She smiled at my response and sat down next to me. "What is it Neteyam?" She moved a braid from my face and back behind my ear. "Will you guys let me visit her at least?" There was a hesitance in her face but after looking at mine she smiled again. "If someone is here as well I don't see why not." I pursed my lips, it was at least better than not seeing her at all. "Thank you, Mother." Her smile reached her eyes as she cradled my cheek. "Of course, now let us clean up a bit." I felt a bit better about leaving her, I knew it would be harder on me at night but for now, I could stand just being in the room with her and my mother.

      It didn't take long as I had kept the place fairly clean. Though it made me wonder, without me home how messy was our Marui? I wasn't looking forward to seeing that and just let myself live in the moment and enjoy my time with (Y/N). It was one of those simple times, like when we'd walk on the shore together, helping around the Marui, or watching over Tuk. Watching (Y/N) and Tuk had definitely become one of my favorite pastimes. They just clicked instantly, I think Tuk making (Y/N) her favorite outfit helped start their bond. Because after that they got very close to each other. "Tuk come here," Tuk ran across the beach in an instant to go over to where (y/N) had been tucked away. "Let me see, let me see, please?" She chuckled at Turk's enthusiasm. "I will, okay? I just want your opinion on something." Tuk ducked behind the rock (Y/N) had been using to shield herself from the sight of everyone.

     Tuk was excited to give whatever opinion and grew silent. I couldn't hear them after that, except for the fits of giggles that came sporadically. I was over on a different rock, our rock really. We'd had all our knife lessons on this rock. They were those peaceful moments that just seemed to be quiet enough to listen to each other and loud enough to hear the ocean and the village. I loved being there with her, she looked stunning there after eclipse. She loved the night and the stars and they loved her in return, in the light of the night she glew up. Both in her soul and physically, something about the night just brought her to life like the sun couldn't. I wish I could have been someone who enjoyed staying up later, it made me wonder about all the things I missed in the night, all because I loved those morning sunrises. I wondered what she even would look like at sunrise, would she look tired or would she look refreshed and glow just as bright in the night?

       "Neteyam..." There was no sunlight touching the inside of the Marui. I knew it was night time and my mother had let me have one last day just sitting next to her. "Come on, let's go home." I didn't say anything as I stood up and placed her hands down. I just followed her out, she held the cloth for me and let it close as she then walked with me. "Neteyam," She grabbed my shoulder, which was more slumped than I had taken notice of. "You do know why we are doing this right?" I had asked why in my head, I had asked a dozen times. But I hadn't asked anyone out loud. "No." She sighed and moved in front of me. "Neteyam," It seemed like she would say my name every time she saw me, almost like she was scared she'd still lose me. Her other hand cradled my face again as she looked into my eyes with a glossed-over sadness.

         "I know you love her and miss her, we all do." I know they did, Tuk and the others tried visiting often. "But it isn't healthy for you to be so..." I'd never see my mother struggle to find her words. Not ever, she was a woman who knew what to say and if not she'd spoke whatever came to mind. "Attached. You need to talk to us." I was confused, I couldn't tell what my mother was trying to tell me and she picked up on this. "When you are with us you're there physically but emotionally and mentally you've been distant and we need you." I wasn't as confused anymore but it hurt to hear how distant my family felt from me. We had always been close, had I really been so close-minded? How has this whole situation been affecting my whole family?