beautiful one, sharer of my longing

24: The heartbreak of Maeda Jun

You and Jun would peek over the edge while her father reeled in a trout, grinning and threatening to push each other in.

Oh, how she missed being a child. But those days were over wether she liked it or not, and she was now going to be the godmother to your own child.

Life finds a way.

"Maeda."

Jun looked over her shoulder, gasping and standing up out of the wet sand before bowing deeply.

"Naoya-sama," she said breathlessly, "have you come to harass us?"

Even though he was used to her joking tone, he jerked his head to the side, a signal that Jun should follow him back inside the estate. With a nervous look to the Zen'in teenagers and Toji, she walked her three steps behind the dashing man. In her belly was butterflies flapping their wings wildly, a tingle that she could not subside. All her thoughts were out the window except for Naoya, Naoya, Naoya, as she stared at his broad backside covered by his dark kimono.

As a child, unsurprisingly, Naoya paid her no attention.

As your lady-in-waiting, she assumed he just did not feel the need to. If you both got in trouble, you were the one getting beat for it, and she was the one holding onto Naoya's hakama silently. Through hard gazes sent her way and a stiffened jaw, she decided that she too was afraid of Zen'in Naoya.

Jun thought him mean and conniving until she turned fifteen, until she watched him begrudgingly carry you around on his back when all the elders and Naobito were away. Through the act, Jun could see a softer side when it came to you. A soft smile that he almost never wore, and she stood still with wide eyes and a nervous blush coating her face when you waved out to her with one hand while the other was wrapped around his shoulder.

He did not spare her a glance then, and never did after that. In his eyes, Jun was just...there.

Not until she grew into herself, with her own personality and fiery words and then he looked at her, really looked at her for the first time.

It was on her twenty-first birthday, this past year which you insisted on making a big deal out of. Birthdays were never a big deal under the Zen'in roof unless you declared it so, and in the darkness of April 4th, seven people gathered just after midnight with candied apples and hushed speech at the side of the lake while the rest of the estate slept. The eighth person appeared later on, face illuminated by moonlight and the small candles lit around the area.

Jun had just been scolding you for telling an embarrassing story in front of her mother and Toji, for which she had just called you a bitch through your laughter. "Shut up. Just stop talking." Hands clasping over your mouth, you fell backwards into the grass with your hands clutching your stomach.

Her mother only chuckled at the scene, before spotting Naoya standing ominously a few feet away.

She gasped and fell to her knees, muttering apologies and catching the attention of the rest of the kids and Toji. "My Lord," she said on the dirt, "please forgive our excursions."

Jun reeled in embarrassment.

"I came here of my own accordance," Naoya said calmly, "rise and cease apologies."

She did as he ordered, yet Naoya did not move from his place, only turning his gaze to the birthday girl and his sister sitting curiously beside her. "I am surprised you came, brother."

"I did not come last April."

"Probably for good reason. My poor mother just had a heart attack." Jun said on a whim, then slapping her hand over her mouth when she realized the word vomit she just lashed on her Lord. You laughed, hand gripping her shoulder with disbelief. Naoya glared.

"Jun, you're gonna get in trouble~!" Maki teased through the humor, forcing the girl to reach out and swat at her.

"I only came to give well wishes for another year," Naoya interrupted the drama, and Jun stopped to look up at him nervously, "happy birthday, Maeda."

They met eyes at twenty-one and twenty-six, and Jun felt that that was the first time he did not view her as a mere child and the friend of his sister.

She was Jun. Just Jun.

"Naoya-sama, are you troubled?" she asked, after following him into the family hall, void of anybody else. He stood in front of her, staring her down and she wondered...have I spoken out of turn?

"Has my sister spoken of me and my instigations?"

"She has not."

"Then I shall accompany you back to the Gojo estate."

Her stare was wide, nervous. Accompany her? She'd have to spend hours alone with the man of her dreams and infatuations...Jun was sure she just could not do it. "Is Gojo-sama aware?"

"No," he said coldly, "I do not care if he is. I need to relay news to her, in any case."

"Good news, I hope." she jested, but Naoya shook his head before stepping to the side and walking away.

"Not good news at all," he said angrily, "I shall see you at dawn."

"Naoya-sama!" she called, and he turned around with an annoyed huff.

"What?"

"Of what manner is this news?"

"I'm getting married to a bitch from the fief," he barked, hands on his hips as he looked Jun up and down, "in mere months. This is the news I must deliver."

Once again she looked at him with shock and a little anguish that she just could not hide. With Naoya's gaze locked and hers and the news reverberating through her bones, through her soul, Jun could do nothing except stare at him in despair. However she had to swallow her sadness. Feeling hot tears brimming on her lash line, she took a breath and said, "you are not happy? To be wed before the gods?"

"Not to some woman I don't know," he said back. Naoya was not oblivious to her expression, drinking it in with a small surge of guilt. He was not an idiot. He has known Jun far too long and seen a multitude of looks on her countenance to ignore this one. Although her words were sharp and witty, her resolve was not. "You seem more frustrated than I."

"On the contrary, I am happy for you," she lied, with a forced smile that she wished she could drop. "I agree, it would be more beneficial to know the person before you wed them." Her voice cracked.

Naoya furrowed his brow. "Maeda--"

"In the case of our beloved y/n, she too had difficulties adjusting to marrying a stranger in Gojo-sama..." her speaking was rushed now. Desperate and crackly. Unlike you, she was never good at hiding her expressions. She was always in the background, able to do what she pleased without worry of being scolded for being too weak.

"What--"

"They seem very happy together now."

"Maeda--"

"I am sure that like her, you will grow to--"

"Stop." he ordered, and Jun kept that pained smile on her with tears flowing freely no matter how much she tried to calm herself down. She was breathing in shallow, quick breaths and trying not to run out of the room, instead staring at Naoya with a broken facade.

"I'm sorry," she chuckled at herself, at her foolish devotion. "I do not know what came over me."

"I cannot back out," he said, voice rough and angered. "My father is adamant about me having an heir, or Megumi will take my place as the family head. There is nothing I can do."

"Can you take no one else?"

Naoya blinked stupidly at Jun's meek voice. He knew where this was going. He almost felt like laughing at the stupidity of the small woman.

"I do not know," he said, then turned around to walk out of the room once again, "we depart at dawn, Maeda."