Struggling to Connect: the 6th Book in my Daryl Dixon Fanfiction series

Chapter 18: The Dreaded Story

My head injury must be worse than I expect and everything comes back in pieces when I wake up in the kingdom. I remember the gates opening. I hear the King cry out in pain after someone tells him what happened. I see the shocked faces of the people as I'm being ushered by them. I can see Dina's hands shake as she checks my blood pressure. I can feel the needle as she stitches my head and remember telling her, "you're doing good."

Everyone is shaken up, and Michonne asks Siddiq and I if we'll address the community about what happened. I lay in the bed, Daryl at my feet and Connie and Kelly at Siddiqs. Siddiq nods, "uhm, ya, sure."

They look to me, "I don't uhh, I don't know if I can." I say back ashamed. I haven't really started to process what happened but I'm still here, so I feel obligated to, "uhh sure, ya. I'll do it too." I return as they all stare at me.

Siddiq and I walk up on stage that was used for celebrations just 24 hours ago. We stand next to each other and Siddiq starts off, "I was there. We were there." He gestures between us, "we were taken with the others.

"And I saw..." he pauses.

I say out, "I was supposed to die with them. I was ready to."

I pause there, my heart rate picking up and tears starting to sting my eyes. Siddiq goes on, "so was I. But then, Alpha whispered in my ear, "Tell them. Something hit me, and everything went black. And when I woke up, it was just Sadie and I." I decide to not tell everyone what Alpha said to me because I don't know if I can do what she said. To watch Lydia for her. I worked so hard these past few years to be happy and now I'm in shambles. How can I watch over someone else when I can't even watch myself. He goes on, "what happened was evil. It was evil. And I think she left me alive to tell you that story. To scare you and to drive us all apart again." He doesn't let that linger in their minds long as he goes on, "but I want to tell you a different story."See, before the end, Ozzy, Alek, and DJ found us and they gave us an opening. And everyone fought back."

"We fought like hell." I say with a cracked voice, reliving the memory.

"And what they did, was more than brave. Cause they defended each other. And they sacrificed for each other. And some of them... they didn't even know each other, but they still fought like they did." I'm glad Siddiq took the lead but his words sting. Him and I were a part of that, him and I were willing to sacrifice ourselves. So why didn't she kill us?

I turn to leave the stage, "I'm sorry" and I quickly run past everyone to hide away. Siddiq continues talking but I can't make out his words over my own heartbeat.

I find myself in the theater and I sit in an aisle seat. Only a few moments pass when Daryl comes and sits behind me, "yew wanna talk about it?"

"Why am I still here?" I ask out loud, "Daryl, why me?"

He adjusts in the seat to lean forward to get closer, "whatdoya mean?"

"I accepted it, I was ready, why did she choose me to live?" I ask further, tears starting to fall faster.

Daryl stands and climbs over the seat, he sits next to me and pulls me into his arms to let me cry. He doesn't say anything though, and just let's me cry. When I'm done and I sit up to move away from his shoulders, Daryl adjusts, "yew wanna come back with me to the hilltop?"

I look over to him, not expecting that offer, "you're staying at the hilltop?"

He shrugs, "doesn't seem right to be out there after all we lost."

I nod in understanding but shake my head, "my home is in Alexandria."

"I'll take yew there." He offers and I give him a small smile.

"You don't have to do that." I say back, moving to stand so I can go back out and find out when we are leaving.

Before I could take a step, Daryl grabs my hand and I look down to where he is sitting, "Sadie-Mae, I'm glad your okay."

"Thanks, Daryl." I smile back. I move my hand to leave but Daryl quickly stands up and wraps me into a hug. It takes a moment to adjust but I hug him back, and he squeezes me just a bit when I do. When I pull back, I ask, "what was that for?" Our bodies close together between the seats still.

"I uhh, I was just.. uhm.." he struggles to find the words, "I'm just relieved, when I think about you up there on that—"

"Please, don't say it." I stop him, not wanting to see the image of myself like that again. I imagine it often, and I can't think about him thinking about it.

"I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry, about all those years ago. We never talked about it." He says, "I know I hurt yew."

I touch his arm, "you don't have to be sorry. I've spent a lot of time on myself since then." I assure him, "but feels like there's going to be more to work on."

"Whatever you need Sadie-Mae, I'm here for you." He promises with a small smirk.

"Thanks Daryl, that means a lot." I squeeze his arm just a little and turn to leave the theater. I find Michonne down the road and I ask her, "when are we going back to Alexandria?"

Michonne suggests, "we are going to leave at first light and have a service the next day for DJ and Frankie. Are you alright?" She asks sweetly.

I nod, "I will be, just want to be back home." She nods in understanding