Ruby Sutherland Doesn't Break

Chapter Three

RUBY WAS SO damn happy to be home. Well, not quite home. Not yet. But they were in Bright Falls. They had arrived too late to catch her mother at the bookstore, and Aunt Astrid was so busy at the Everwood that Ruby hadn't wanted to interrupt her flow. She might get lucky and spot them all at Stella's after a bit. She had decided it was better for her and Kara to stay at the amazingly atmospheric inn instead of impose her moms for a tiny room that had barely contained her as a teen. Plus she wanted to avoid unnecessary implications about her relationship with Kara—or whatever the hell they were now—or subject the sweetest mother in the world to the mood that had seemed to settle over Kara as soon as she saw the population size on the sign. A mood that just soured as the evening went on. And then as they were getting settled and ready for Stella's, Kara finally popped.
"I thought you said it was a city."
Kara's voice was so petulant and childish. It caused Ruby to stop going through her options for the night at Stella's. She tried to think back over all her mentions of Bright Falls, but in the end she shook her head. City would never be how she would refer to it. She probably wouldn't have labelled it at all.
"I doubt I'd have ever called it that."
"You mentioned your mother had a shop downtown."
Suddenly Ruby wondered if this was actually a fight, but she had no idea why it would be or how it would go. So she just ignored the urge to correct Kara on the two major points: 1) there was nothing wrong with small local businesses, and 2) she had two moms who both were quite successful while staying in Bright Falls. Instead she approached the conversation with caution.
"She does."
"But that's a city term, right? How can there be a downtown if it's just the town and the outlying woods?"
Where the fuck is this attitude coming from?
Ruby felt like she was being judged and accused. Which was ridiculous. Yes, she was from a moderately big suburb in the mountains of Oregon instead of a major metropolitan area. So what? She never said she was a city girl. She was pretty sure she always gave off the accurate northwestern mountain goth punk vibe, distinctly remembered meeting Kara by being confused about the complexity of city maps. So why was Kara upset over Bright Falls?
"It's bigger than a typical mountain suburb, and it's a lot like the type of places in upstate New York or Washington State. Just because it's Oregon doesn't mean it's any less impressive. Bright Falls is a pretty big town and it has some decent tourist seasons. Trust me, there's a bunch of rich assholes living there."
Kara shook her head like she was trying to shake a thought and then smiled weakly before giving a shrug, but her tone had become acidic and bitter.
"I just never thought you were a backwoods lumberjane type."
Ruby's heart froze and her stomach rebelled at the stereotype. Not the lumberjane part because fuck... that was one of her secret weaknesses. But the term backwoods sounded like she was calling her and all people from places like Bright Falls or smaller had to be uneducated idiots. A long dead spark of rage she hadn't felt since high school flickered to life. If anyone was going to talk shit about her home, they better be from Bright Falls or then justify it with love for it.
"Because I'm...not. And I never thought you were a judgmental condescending citybitch."
As soon as she had barked those words, something loosened inside her. This all felt way—way—too familiar. She had been here with Kara before. Right on the verge of a fight, and suddenly she was thinking about all the things that she had only vague memories of getting over. Or had she gotten over them? She eyed Kara, who was watching her with wide eyes. In her mind, this was the moment when Kara would start touching her in mind numbing ways. Like she had on the plane. And sure enough, Kara was there and pulling her gently onto the bed. Kara was completely dressed and ready even though the dress was noticeably skimpy and meant to hint at all the indecent ways it could look while she moved or started to make out with someone, but Ruby was just in her tank top and boy shorts. Kara caressed her and toyed with her gently before kissing her. And then she spoke softly, but her words still seemed to twist everything so it sounded like Ruby was to blame.
"I'm just feeling a little lied to right now. Had I known it was going to be this...rural, I would had made plans to stay in Portland and come visit for a day or two."
Ruby flinched. It was difficult to get her mind to focus well when Kara was touching her body and making noises of open want and desire even while she spoke, but she was pretty sure what Kara's suggested was impossible and expensive to maintain for the months they were going to be here during the summer. Not to mention Ruby's as yet unspoken plan to move back after Kara returned to school for her last year. It just felt like constantly driving to and from Portland would cause more trouble that it solved.
"That drive would be so much effort, and I'd want to be in town the whole vacation before your next semester starts."
"The whole summer?! In this little place?! You're joking, right? Also if that's all that's bothering you, I can cover my own costs. So I could go and you could stay. The best of both, right?"
As she spoke, Kara slipped her left hand under Ruby's top and started playing with her nipple. Her right hand moved down and rubbed at Ruby's clit through her panties with such precision that Ruby lost the ability to think much less speak her disagreement and reasoning. Her body just did what it was trained to do and sought out the promised release.
"But... well... I just..."
Her voice was stolen with a kiss before Kara murmured and coaxed as though this was simply them making love. But Ruby wasn't sure exactly what it was, except that she was unable to get her body to stop it.
"Baby, I think you need to relax, yeah? This really isn't that big of a deal, right? You want to have fun in your childhood home, and I get that. You deserve that. But it's not for me, okay? I need the thrill of the city and a denser population. I think I'd run through nearly everyone worth trying in a couple of days if I stayed here. I'd be miserable and that would make you miserable. You can see that, right?"
She pressed into Ruby's clit at just the right angle to push her to the edge and rip a loud involuntarily moan from her.
"Yeah... Kara... I... mmm..."
Kara beamed and suddenly Ruby was aware that she had just agreed. Even though that was opposite of her feelings and intentions. In fact, she felt like that the yeah might have simply been an expletive brought on by her being touched. It didn't seem to faze Kara at all.
"See... I knew if I explained you'd agree. So we'll go to that quaint little bar you told me about tonight, and then I'll head back to Portland tomorrow morning."
Kara kissed her cheek and slipped out of Ruby's reach to head into the bathroom to wash her hands. Ruby just sat there on the bed in her disheveled top and soaked boy shorts for a moment. She watched at Kara returned and began buzzing around the room repacking her things. At the sight of that, everything that Ruby had started thinking and feeling before Kara had started playing with her just flooded back in and squeezed her heart into pulp. It soured the moment they had just had and made her feel like throwing up. She was pretty sure that yeah she had moaned hadn't been in agreement like Kara was clearly taking it. And it just made her wonder if that had been how it always had been. Even that thought sickened her—its implication too accusatory to be considered—and she forced herself to get ready for Stella's. As she looked at her clothes, something that Kara had said clicked into place.
I'd run through everyone worth trying in a couple of days.
Kara was looking at this trip as a chance to fool around. She was planning on staying in Portland alone while wanting to fuck other people. Only coming to Bright Falls occasionally. Like their relationship was nothing at all committed or special. Like Ruby was just a number in Kara's bodycount. And suddenly, it clicked into place: Ruby was just there as Kara's relationship safety net, and nothing more. There would be no expectation of anything more during the trip. They would be nothing during the trip, even if they were most definitely something outside of it. Kara wanted to do her own thing regardless of what Ruby wanted, and Ruby? Ruby was being let off the hook too. Kara was practically encouraging her to do exactly the same. And maybe Ruby should.
So she decided to go for eye catching. She wore high waisted skin tight jeans and a loose black sleeveless blouse left open enough to show most of her torso except for a single button to prevent it opening and becoming indecent. She had to thank Delilah and Aunt Jordan for teaching her how to do this. How to dress butch in a way that also flaunted her very feminine body. How to ride the line between dressed and not in an attractive way that somehow told men I'm not for you while telling women and enbies I want you to look, and maybe even touch. She had gone out like that while on dates with Kara in the past, but this was different. This was like what she had done before she had started actually dating the woman. She was dressed to seduce and hook up with someone else. She was dressed like Kara wasn't her girlfriend and—at one point that seemed so distant now—her perspective life partner.
That was all it took for her. When Kara went out in the hall, Ruby hung back in the bathroom and stared at her face. It was written all over her soul. The truth she didn't want to think about or speak into existence. She could see the walls and fortresses that she felt so safe inside. She saw the bridge out of that stronghold that was her relationship with Kara. Saw the bricks cracking and beginning to crumble.
"Fuck!"
It was barely more than a whisper, but it felt like a scream of rage. After a moment, she was fine. It was fine. Kara was still her girlfriend and the front runner for being her partner. It just wasn't going to be exclusive. And that was fine. It was better. It would mean that Ruby didn't have to worry about preparing for Kara to leave. It would mean she wouldn't have to worry about denying her attraction to other people or anything else that might happen. She was free. It was what she had always been, just a little bit different. Who cared about her romantic dreams of a partner she could be vulnerable with and honestly herself with? This was better—safer—and she was happy.
She was.
These were happy tears she was crying. That pain in her chest and gut were simply butterflies for the night out. She was fine.
She wasn't going to break.