Ruby Sutherland Doesn't Break

Chapter One

        RUBY CHECKED HER face in the mirror. Well, not just her face. She had Aunt Jordan to thank for her abilities when it came to perfect makeup, especially liquid eyeliner. No, it was her hair she was most interested in. She had decided to change it up from her natural golden waves for something she knew her moms—them and their entire Bright Falls coven, as they referred to themselves—would absolutely love. Especially Delilah and Aunt Iris, for different reasons. Ruby liked it fine. It was a little shaggy. Halfway between a wild pixie cut and an layered asymmetrical bob that toyed with the way her hair curled.
         The style really suited her fashion sense—which currently lay somewhere between industrial goth and Judy Alvarez from CP2077—but it was the dye job that really made her smile when she thought about what the Bright Falls coven would say. There was a stripe of her natural hair colour but it blended and faded in with the other colours—red to bright gold ombré on the outside, pink to deep violet ombré as the undercoat—turning her hair into a subtle living lesbian pride flag.
        "Baby, you look fine. Can we go?"
         Ruby glanced into the corner of the mirror that allowed her to see the entrance way of the apartment behind her. Her eyes landed on the vampiric looking beauty waiting by two separate sets of luggage. Kara was clearly making a point with her outfit and the faint coating of body glitter. Had they been heading to Washington state instead of heading to Bright Falls Oregon, Ruby would have joined in the joke.
         Right now it felt a little insulting to her home.
         Bright Falls wasn't Forks. And as hot as Kara was with her silky straight bottle black hair falling to the small of her back in a very Morticia Addams way and her love of form fitting gothic dresses, she was no KStew. Or was Ruby supposed to be KStew, returning to her small Pacific Northwestern childhood home from a warmer state? Would that mean Kara was supposed to be Pattenson? Then who was the Lautner in this scenario? And would it be an actual triangle instead of a ride and die toxic couple and the sad boy unrequited interloper, or the stereotypical tug of war that was often misidentified as a triangle?
        The thought experiment made Ruby smirk. Aunt Iris would be proud of her storyboard mind. She even had an idea of who might fit as a much better Lautner, but then she might actually have to deal with how awkward it would be when she'd actually have to struggle with which girl she actually wanted. Besides, Tess Kellar wouldn't be interested. She was straight as hell as far as Ruby could remember, and had slipped away like everyone else after her father died in the car accident.
        It hadn't been immediate, and she knew it wasn't how anyone else would describe it, but that's the truth. Her father died, and then she started letting everyone but her family slip away while she protected herself by not holding on too tightly and just accepting that loneliness was the best way to avoid losing anyone ever again. It had saved her, even if it felt like her still bottled emotions might just kill her.
        But, now she was done wanting solitude outside of her tight-knit family. Which was why she was going home for the summer. And more importantly, why she was bringing Kara to meet the coven. To introduce her to the place Ruby loved even though she didn't ever say it, and have the people she loved approve of Kara. It felt like it should be something Ruby would be certain of already, but despite having been with Kara for almost a year, they barely actually seemed to know each other.
         Kara was a free spirit still figuring herself out and was more interested in the physical nature of a relationship than actually talking things out. And Ruby? Ruby never let herself feel anything too extreme, so she still tended to keep to herself when it came to something or someone important to her. Not that she let anyone new become something so dangerous as important to her. Not after Dad. Only the coven were exempt from that refusal to get close. Well, the coven and her best friend—until she decided to distance herself from a Ruby that no longer gave a shit to pretend that she wasn't even more queer than the women who were raising her and actually got into a fight when a boy glanced at her ample Sutherland ass—Tess.
         She was attempting to make exemptions for Kara as well, and this vacation together was strictly for the purpose of making them closer than anyone else. Like her moms—Claire and Delilah—were with each other. They were still sickeningly in love with each other like they had been since Ruby first met Delilah at Aunt Astrid's ill fated wedding. Even though she had gotten into the habit of joining Aunt Iris in teasing them, she secretly wanted to have that same thing ever since she figured out she was a lesbian. And now...
          "I'll be right out. If you want to go wait in the car, I'll get the bags."
          In the reflection, Ruby watched Kara roll her eyes and sigh.
          "Ugh, fine, but only because I love to watch you go all muscle mommy when lifting things."
          And then she turned, wiggling her pert little ass in a clear temptation to Ruby—who she knew was watching—and then flounced dramatically out the front door.
          As soon as Kara was gone, Ruby let out a sigh. She was pretty sure she loved the woman. After a year of wild sex that just failed to engage Ruby on an emotional level and attempts to grow closer—even though she wasn't sure they had worked at all—leading to them moving into the apartment together, what else could have kept her there?
         Yes, alright, there was the fact that their libidos seemed nearly perfectly matched and the physical attraction was undeniable. Kara was the embodiment of the idea of a sex kitten and seemed to revel in her ability to turn people—Ruby in particular... she hoped—into happy puddles.
         And they had never fought.
         Not once.
         Anytime they got close or Ruby had even a moment of doubt, Kara would remind her of how fierce their sex life was and they'd somehow work it all out. Ruby would see the value in her brilliant girlfriend's opinion over her reservations, and everything would be fine.
        So, yeah... their relationship was pretty solid, wasn't it?
        Ruby went to her larger suitcase. She had to check one more time. She had to make sure it was actually there. Her grandmother had sent it a week ago, almost as soon as she asked. If she had lost it, forget what it would mean between her and Kara, she would feel like the biggest piece of shit in the world. But then... there it was.
         The tiny moulded leather wrapped ball that was the case. Tucked away into a secret pocket in the bottom of the bag when it stood upright. She took a moment to let her heart ease into a slightly more normal rhythm, and then released the catch and twisted open the case. She let out the breath she didn't know she had been holding.
        There it was. The oldest heirloom in the Sutherland family. Her moms both had their mother's wedding rings, but this? This was her great...x5 grandmother's personally crafted engagement ring. Ruby's heart tightened painfully.
        She really hoped she was doing the right thing.
        Not the trip and planned proposal—okay, not only that—but everything. Planning to open up to Kara completely. Opening up at all was terrifying. Not because Kara might leave. Everyone left eventually. It was easier to handle if they did so voluntarily. No, it was terrifying because of the possibility that she might lose them forever. That something would take everyone from her in a way that made it impossible for her to get them or her heart for them back. She loved Delilah—the woman was already her absolute favourite person when they had met all those years ago, and she was the best "wicked stepmom" ever—but she wasn't her dad. She couldn't be, even though she filled the role amazingly. Joshua Foster had died in a car accident while coming back from a business trip, and with him went Ruby's father-shaped heart.
        Thank god she hadn't had the family Delilah had been forced to struggle with. Ruby loved Aunt Astrid, but not her mother. It was the unanimous agreement of the coven that Isabel Parker-Green was the worst ever. Of all reality. Ruby couldn't imagine surviving having her as the sole parent. But Delilah and Claire—or the entire coven—weren't enough to heal the hole. Nothing was. So she just closed it off. She refused to break and cry because there was no way she would stop. And she didn't want to do either. She wanted to be fine, and to enjoy her amazing family as much as she could before they too would be ripped away from her.
         She had chosen then to not hold on to anything else too tight. Even Tess—who was the one person in the world she had wanted in her life forever no matter what—was allowed to just slip away without a fight. It was the only way. She had to let everything go so she could always have the good and important feelings as purely that, with no bitterness to taint her memories. It made it difficult to keep friends or anything that wasn't part of her very core. But even that was barely secure if it involved another person, which was how Tess had slipped away just when Ruby had started to realise just what she actually felt for her. Not that it mattered back then, because she could have gotten her back if she ever reached out. Not that it mattered now, with Kara being the person who Ruby was considering giving her romantic heart to completely.
         She closed and clasped the ring box, and returned it to its hiding place. She could do this. They'd spend the summer in Bright Falls, introduce Kara to the life she still wanted and loved even if she had let go of it to preserve its memories, show off the amazing coven of queer sapphic relationships that she longed to create a second generation of, let Bright Falls welcome Kara in and solidify her place by Ruby's side, find the right time and place, and once she was absolutely sure of it, she'd propose.
        And that would be it. Kara would say yes, they'd get married, build a life for just the two of them while staying connected to the coven and others who might become friends for a time, and it would be enough. Ruby could hold on to at least one person as tightly as the coven held on to each other and her. And maybe one day, she could reach out to the people and connections she had let slip away. Maybe Tess and her could become insanely close best friends again. Even if it wasn't what she had once wanted, it might be enough. It would have to be.
         Repacking her bag and closing it all up, Ruby let out a sigh and tried to refocus herself on the current task: getting them to the airport and then to Bright Falls from Portland. If she took it step by step, she could get through this without slipping into that old longing. The one that told her to let down all her walls. To stop holding back out of fear of loss. To actually see what everyone else thought of the chaotic mess that was the core of herself. Only the coven knew. The coven and Tess before she left. Now it only came out in her art, and that felt at least a little right. But still if she didn't focus on the smallest part of the plan, she heard the longing speak with her dad's voice asking her the same thing every time:
        "Are you sure this is what you really want for your life?"
        She never answered that question. She couldn't. It didn't matter. She had to stay this was in order to not lose anyone like she had lost him. She'd open up to a partner, but only when she was sure they were partners. Not a moment before. That's what this trip was about. And so she packed their bags in the rental car—because Kara wanted them to fly instead of taking Ruby's bike—and slipped into the passenger seat without saying a word.