The summer that changed me

Chapter 14

My alarm ringing made almost jump out of bed, I left my phone on the table so to turn off the alarm I had to walk to it. A nightmare. I slept barely three maybe four hours, no, less hours actually. Though after I turned it off I took my phone with me to bed. I almost fell asleep but then I got a text message.

Bernadette: Are you coming to school today? If not it is fine.

Camila: I am still thinking about it.

Leonor: Were you up most of the night?

Camila: Yeah.

Leonor: When don't go to school.

Camila: I'll think about it.

I went downstairs to have breakfast and ask my guardians their opinion. They wanted me to go to school since I wasn't sick but also understood why I wouldn't want to go. So technically it all went to me to decide. After thinking for a bit I finally had decided. I knew I was going to regret this decision but oh well here goes nothing. After breakfast I got ready for school. Got inside the car and my aunt this time drove me to school. The real dread of my decision kicked in shortly after we started to drive. I wanted to go back home and go to bed but I am now going to suffer my own choice. Its not often I don't sleep much during school weeks but yesterday's events make it exceptional that my not very much sleep night has an excuse.

Once at school I avoided looking at people as I was paranoid that once I see him I am going to have a breakdown or something, I really cannot know right now with the lack of sleep I can maybe do way more than acceptable by me. The hallways seemed to be going on forever but I managed to get to my first class and I was super happy that I had two of my friends here as well.

"You shouldn't have gone to school. You don't look too good." Leonor commented.

"I figured that out once we started to drive to here. And thanks."

"Now deals with your decision."

"Maybe you want to go home after like a class or two?" Bernadette suggested.

"No. My decision is final. I am going to be here all day and just deal with myself."

"Once home, just promise to go take a nap."

"I will. Not even need to promise but still I do promise to do that."

The lesson started. I wanted to die. I was sitting in the back and just felt myself zoning out and almost falling asleep a ton of times. Thankfully the teacher is chill and didn't even notice. I guess I did look like I wasn't looking well and the teacher is letting me slide through the class somehow, hopefully the rest of the teachers will be the same. The class ended and I had to go to my next one, the one I do not share with any of my friends. I almost forgot that Samuel shared this one and thankfully when I walked in, he wasn't there yet. Again, I sat down in the back and waited for the lesson to start. I was so unlucky, he walked in and I saw him, we made eye contact, no, no, no way. I felt myself feel sad again, almost teary eyes but wiped them instantly with my sleeve. He sat down as far away from me as possible. Good. The popular girl was also in this class, I really need to get her name, how can I not know it by now? She looked at me with apologetic eyes and sat down next to Samuel.

That lesson was way more a torture than the first one. Just seeing him, his back mostly and hearing his voice was really hard to stay in class, thought I managed to get to the bathroom during the lesson to maximize less time in class while he is there as well. Almost had a mental breakdown in one of the stalls. I am a mess. Now I see why I am not a worthy person to be dating especially a popular person. I am not worthy. I probably never been and will always be not worthy. When I had weight people made fun of me and telling me I am not worthy of having friends and maybe even love later in life if I stayed like that but now that I am good with less weight I am still not worthy. What do I have to do to be worthy for someone?