Even If You Don't Mean It

Part 3

"I remember turnin' in my chair and watchin' you, tryin' to get it straight in my mind what a girl like you would be doin' in a place like The Baron."

You laugh and go to the small closet next to the bathroom to pull out a couple of washcloths and a spare towel for Sy.

"Pre-gaming," you tell him with a grin. He looks surprised and you shrug, "One of my friends is dating the manager, he gives us cheap drinks."

Sy narrows his eyes, "You ain't still goin' there, are you?"

"Sometimes."

Sy gives you a long, hard look with raised eyebrows, then shakes his head.

"What?"

"It's a rough bar," he says, "It ain't safe."

You wait for him to tell you not to go there anymore, but he doesn't, and even though you can tell he wants to, he bites his tongue. There is something reassuring about the way he suggests his displeasure at the thought of you going to that bar, but restrains himself from forbidding your actions. He seems to respect your autonomy and trusts in your ability to make decisions for yourself. These little parts of him that you're discovering are only serving to increase your attraction to him. You pull on his neck, and give him a quick kiss to let him know you approve.

"Bathroom," you say, indicating the next door in the hall. Sy points at it and you nod, waiting for him to go in before you follow, using the towels to hide behind, "I met you at The Baron," you point out, bringing the conversation back to the first night you met as you pass him a washcloth.

Sy grins, his cheeks crease into dimples that peek out from just above his beard. He takes the cloth and draws you into his arms, "And look where we've ended up."

"As if this isn't where you wanted to be that night."

"Course it is," Sy's voice drops low again, becoming softer and deeper, "Same with every other man there that night. You were otherworldly in that bar, Sugar. As out of place as a thoroughbred ploughin' a field," Sy breathes in a little shakily, as if he's reliving the moment. His voice is husky when he speaks again, "Then you smiled in my direction... and it was like a punch that knocked the wind out of me. You were so beautiful, baby, I couldn't breathe."

Goosebumps break over you as your body warms and your skin stays cool. Had he really thought that? He had never indicated he felt that way before. You think back to your date. He hadn't been anything like he was today. Yeah, his kisses had been amazing, full of passion and desire but he'd also been very respectful. He barely touched you anywhere below your shoulders, his hands only occasionally wandering to your hip.

"So," you lick your lips, unsure if you should ask the question that's plagued you for over a year, "Why didn't you ask me out again?"

Sy doesn't answer for a while, not because he's ignoring you or trying to come up with a lie, he just seems to be thinking, wanting to make sure his words are appropriate. It strikes you suddenly that this must be how he looked when he was quiet on the phone.

"I was given my orders a couple of days after I took you out."

That isn't a surprise. You thought he would have been given more notice than the week before, which is when he told you he was leaving.

"I thought," he smiles briefly, "incorrectly, that if I didn't see you again, it'd be easier on me. I couldn't ask ya to wait for me, not after just one date. And a girl like you wasn't gonna be single for long. I figured by the time I got back, you'd be seein' someone else. Thought if I kept my distance and didn't start anythin'..."

Sy steps back and runs a hand over his short hair, as if he is signalling he was done speaking. You wait a while to make sure before you speak.

"I thought you weren't interested," you say.