Better Love

Chapter Twelve

"Hello, Felix." The doctor said. "How are you doing today?"

Felix sat in the sofa across from the doctor's chair, rigid and tense. They were still in Jessamine's apartment, there because the doctor had claimed that he didn't want to "put Felix in an uncomfortable environment". Would the doctor be able to read any bit of movement across his face? Peer into his mind? He had heard that doctors like this one could do that. He didn't want that.

"Fine." He replied.

The therapist let out a noise of acceptance. He looked harmless, a bumbling older man. But Felix didn't trust appearances. Pan always looked like a charming child until he didn't. Jessamine looked...

Well, Jessamine always had a scheme hatching in her head despite appearing otherwise.

"And how are you adjusting to Storybrooke?"

Felix wanted to laugh at that, he barely even saw Storybrooke, just the inside of Jessa's apartment. And the time he did leave the safety of the girl's home, the townspeople made it very clear how unwelcome he was.

"Fine." He replied again.

The doctor let out a little sigh, trying again. "Are you getting along with Jessamine?"

The moment the doctor said her name, the atmosphere changed for Felix. The bored expression slipped. "Why does it matter?" He could hear the defensiveness in his own tone, wincing at how interested the doctor seemed in that shift.

There was almost a small smile on the doctor's lips when he spoke once more. "Well, you are staying with her. And I can't imagine you spent much time with girls on Neverland. It's an adjustment."

"There was the Darling girl." Felix rebutted, not wanting to let the doctor know how accurate his assessment was. He barely spoke to Wendy Darling, and he certainly didn't spend as much time with her as he did Jessamine. This girl was nearly always present in his life, always a distraction. He'd try to keep busy, or find ways to get back to Neverland (the shadow was gone, so his usual way was closed), or train. But then the girl would glance over or run a hand through her long hair and his concentration would be gone.

He hated it. He hated her.

"Still, Jessamine is your whole support system now."

Felix snarled, a nerve had been hit. "Only because she's been keeping me away from the other boys. Which is the whole reason I'm here."

He still didn't want to think of how she had found him the night before last. It was seared into his mind, the weakness he displayed, his fear in his dreams. The way he let her hold him, comfort him. He cried in front of her, something he would never dream of letting anyone see.

In one single moment, any walls he had around himself had become see through. She had seen him, really seen him. And he hated it. He could only imagine how pathetic he must have looked, how disgusted he was sure that she was.

He couldn't take it anymore. "This is useless." Felix said, standing up and moving towards the door. "Stay away from me."

Ignoring the doctor's protests, trying to keep him in the room, Felix left. Almost running from that open and large yet somehow claustrophobia inducing apartment. He only felt like he could breath when he finally escaped from the building.

The air wasn't as fresh as it had been in in Neverland, but it was still crisp with hints of a saltiness from the sea beside the town. Finally, something he was used to. But there was no joy in it. His mind was overflowing and his chest tightening. He wasn't on Neverland, he wasn't with Pan. He couldn't even find his friends without bumping into townsfolk who would most likely put him back in jail.

He sat on the dock, his feet in the water. The ocean was the only thing that he had left of the life that had felt to certain to him.

He was alone and the doctor had been right. Jessamine is your whole support system now. She was the only thing he had left. He hated it. He hated her. He hated Henry for being the chosen one, he hated the heroes for bringing them to Storybrooke. He hated Pan for betraying him. He hated Jessamine for...

For everything. For saving him. Maybe being killed by Pan had been his purpose, maybe that was all he had been worth. Maybe Jessa had ruined that.

Her and her perfect smile. Her friendly voice. Her warm eyes. Her gentle hands and silky hair and perfectly maintained clothes. She was like a princess in a storybook, and yet she was his villain.

Or maybe he was his own. Maybe it was all his fault.

It's not your fault, Jessa had said. Those simple words had made him break when he heard her say it. He had actually believed it. The conviction in her eyes, the concern. Like she actually cared about him. He knew it was fake, knew she had a ploy. She always did, why would that be any different. The fairytale princess that had saved him was secretly a monster in disguise.

That's what Pan had always said, at least. And throughout Felix's life, Pan was the first person to look at the boy and see something worth anything. He had saved Felix, saved him from a life so much worse that Neverland could ever have been.

But Pan had taken all that away. He saved Peter and then betrayed him. After all Felix had done for him. The devotion, the love, that Felix had given him. It had been that love that had nearly gotten Felix killed. And so he had been saved by...

"Felix?" Like she had been summoned, hair blowing slightly in the breeze. Her eyes wide, stepping slowly towards him like she was scared that he would run. Jessa stood there on the dock, saying nothing else. Like there was nothing else she could say. Nothing important enough to say but his name.

"I'm not allowed to see the other lost boys now, am I?" He asked with a scoff, a bitter smile on his lips.

But she just looked so sad at his response, getting closer and sitting on the wooden dock next to him. "It wasn't my idea." She told him, too far from him for him to feel the warmth radiating from her. He had found that night how warm she was, like a welcoming heath, a protective fire has she held him. She wasn't close enough for him to experience that now. "Keeping you away from them? I didn't want that. Emma thought that you would make it harder for the other boys to adjust. She made me promise to keep you separated."

He didn't know how to respond to her words, fury and confusion filling him. Anger at Emma only returned, but the curiosity... "Why didn't you tell me?" He asked, having no idea at her motivations. She confused him so much. "Why did you let me blame you?"

"I didn't want you to hate them." She shrugged, looking down. "I wanted you to be able to give them a chance."

"I was never going to." He stared at her, almost in a new light. She looked so much less powerful in that moment. She was a mere mortal, just like him. "The only person I was willing to give a chance to was you."

Jessa looked back up at him so suddenly, a look in her eyes that he just couldn't describe. It was almost... desperate. "I'm sorry I ruined that." She seemed so defeated.

But Felix just laughed softly, but for the first time in ages there was no anger or cruelty to it. "You didn't ruin it." Was all he could say.

Maybe the princess wasn't the monster after all.

Notes: Hey guys, I know it's been a couple days since my last update. I got a new job, have been doing stuff with friends, and have a novel that I'm writing, so I've been a bit busy. But it's here now and I hope you like it.

Also, did Barbieheimer today. Twas very fun, I do recommend :)