control . negan

28; weakness

Negan knelt until he was eye level with the frail girl. There was a softness to his eyes that wasn't there moments before. If there was one thing she'd learned about him it was that his mood changes quickly and often.

"You think I'm some monster that doesn't have the capacity to feel anything. I'm not. This world taught me to use my mind before my heart, and that's what got me where I am. It keeps me and my people safe. I know how you're feeling right now, Winona. You don't want to admit that you understand why I did what I did. You don't want to admit that you were starting to trust me. Right now, you feel like you can't trust anyone. Not Rick, not me. I get it. You don't like me right now, but you will learn to trust me again. You'll learn that I do evil things to protect the people I care about."

Her head was still buried in her hands. She couldn't meet his eye; she couldn't bring herself to because she was worried there was truth in what he said. She craved so desperately to run back to her family, back to what she considered her home, but it didn't feel like the same home from before. She knew what Rick did. Every time she saw one of the members that had gone to the outpost that night, she wondered if it were them that put the knife through Noah's skull. She could try and suppress the thoughts all she wanted, but she couldn't avoid the fact that it happened.

She thought back to the beginning. Rick wouldn't have dreamed of using a gun outside of his work. She watched him, from his first trembling reluctant gunshot to a desensitized acceptance with the idea of taking the life from another sentient being. It was what he turned into: a killer.

She wouldn't have done that. She would have tried to talk him out of it. She knew her and Rick hadn't been seeing eye to eye for a while, but he'd taken it to another level.

She averted her gaze up at him from under the darkness of her lashes. "You're right. I don't trust anyone. I don't trust anybody to keep me safe aside from myself, especially not you."

"Smart woman." He stood back tall. "That's why I like you."

"I made a mistake with you." Her voice wasn't as confident as she wished it to be, it trembled and shook with overwhelming emotion. "You... you took advantage of me."

His eyebrows shot upward, seeming authentically disappointed by her words. He took a few moments to scan her, her shoulders curled over as if it would keep her protected, her feeble body trembling.

"Get up. Look me in the eye."

She remained in place. Not even her eyes moved to acknowledge his demands.

"Winona." His voice was stern. Not angry, but serious. "Get the hell up and look me in the damn eye while I talk to you."

So she did. There was no use in pushing his buttons further. She slid up against the wall, slowly turning her head to meet his gaze. His stare was intense, the bit of playfulness that was usually glued to his features was now gone. Her limbs shook, whether from stress or malnutrition she was unsure, but she didn't feel like her usual self. She felt weaker. Frail.

"Why do you think I turned you down when you wanted to fuck me?"

She rolled her eyes, nearly spitting out a laugh at how senseless it was to bring that up. "I don't care. I'm glad you did."

He clenched his jaw. "I waited for you to want me, I needed to make sure you did. I earned your trust and you know that damn well. That's why you made the first moves and did all the work yourself. I just sat back and let you do it. I didn't keep you here to take advantage of you. Don't ever fucking accuse me of that, ever again."

Her eyes were on the floor before he could finish his sentence. Lips slightly agape, she couldn't think of what to say. He was right, once again. It wasn't what she really thought of him.