Silence in the Storm

Cortisol.

- You've been responding well to the recovery program and your vitals are 100% stable... You seem ready to return home, fellow doc!

- I wish I could share the enthusiasm, doctor... - I chuckled despondently. - I still have long sessions of physiotherapy to fully function and return to work.

- Go easy on yourself, Miss Cavendish. - he was taking notes in his tablet. - You can still perform basic first aid and small procedures, as long you keep it up with the physiotherapy sessions. For now I will sign up your hospital discharge and let you get some rest in a familiar environment, okay?

- Thank you, doctor. - I nodded in gratitude.

As soon as the doctor left the room, few seconds later the door opened once again and to my pleasant surprise, it was Johnny. I couldn't avoid the smile that immediatelly formed on my face; seeing him again was a relief. He has few patches and bandages, but his crooked smile and bright blue eyes were still framing his beautiful face. He sat down on the armchair next to me bed, with an adorable pinkish blush coloring his cheeks.

- Aye, Angie... Ye seem alright, yeah? - his accent sounded a bit thicker than usual.

- Hi, Johnny. - I couldn't stop smiling. - Are you okay? You seem... Flustered.

- Oi, do I? - He chuckled, blushing even more. - Well, I've been rehearsing of what to say to ye, and I'm here looking like a bawbag heid in front of ye...

- It's okay, Johnny... Really. - I giggled at his shyness. - Whatever you have in your mind, don't hesitate to tell me. I'm only physically beaten up, my brain is still functional.

His gaze softened and his breathing subtly relaxed. He was nervous, and was trying to muster some sort of courage to address something to me. I calmly sat on the bed, looking at him getting fidgety and taking deep breaths.

- I guess I owe you some explanation about some things, and... During this time that you were recovering, I had the time to think things through, ye see...

- Okay... And what you were thinking?

- Uh... Remember when you said that if I had some resolution about my issues I should come and talk to ye? Well, here I am.

I glanced at Johnny slightly confused, but I was being patient enough to concede him space to open up. The silence was getting awkward by the minute, but he just muttered "fuck it" to himself and timidly spoke.

- While you were out, I reflected over some stuff... I tried to make sense over what was keeping me stuck.

- ...Is this about you and Elise?

- Yeah, sort of. - he scratched the back of his mohawked head. - I'm finally understanding what she means to me... And what she's been doing to me.

- Go on. - I was curious about his thoughts.

- I guess you may have heard about me and her... We dated for a while, but I was cheating. It got messy.

- You and Ghost mentioned before. - I was trying to keep my composure. - But it was none of my business.

- I see... Well, I tried to right my wrongs with her, but kept my feelings for her. That was fucked up, anno?

- ... ...

- I was practically licking her boots, while Ghost was doggin' her and getting engaged... I lost my mind for a whole month. And then they got married... That shattered me. But I should be happy for them, no?

- She was your Mo' Leannan, Johnny... There's no judgement on how you should feel. You loved her.

Johnny paused, trying to process what I just said to him. Such solemn silence was only broken by his resigned chuckle upon coming into realization of  my statement. Then decided to continue after a deep sigh:

- ...You're right. I loved her. But it wasn't a genuine love... It was fear.

- Fear...?

- Yep, fear. - he scooted on the armchair, feeling a bit restless. - I messed up, and thought that if I didn't compensate Elise, I wouldn't be worthy of anybody else... I know, it's a wacky mindset, but the guilt was eating me alive and I confused with love.

- Well, that was impressive, Johnny... Such deep introspection! You really dug within.

- Yeah, thank ye kindly...! - his cheeks got pinkish; so adorable. - I can't keep going with life while having these stuff hovering in my head. I'm in a new vibe, so to say.

- A new vibe? Care to clarify?

Johnny got up from the armchair, and sheepishly sat on the edge of my bed. His gaze was darting all over me, as if he was studying my whole self. He tucked a few strands of hair behind my ear, with an enamored look in his bright blue eyes. My heart started to beat faster upon feeling his touch. His hands were warm, despite the callousness. An anxious silence happened before he had decided to speak.

- Yep, new vibe... You are that new vibe.

- Johnny... What you mean...?

- Shhh... Let me show ye, Mo' Leannan...

My heart was pounding. My hands were getting sweaty; I was gripping on my blanket to hide it. My stomach felt like flipping over my guts as Johnny was leaning closer. His right hand caressing my face and my neck, showing so much affection... His lips parting as he was an inch near to my face...
All I did was to close my eyes.
All I felt was his lips pressing on mine.
Finally.