Eyes on me

Two

TW: panic attack/anxiety attack

If James potter thought that everything would be the same this year he was sorely mistaken. In fact James thinks everything has changed a little too much. Sirius and Regulus were fighting every time they saw each other, they had always had little spats but before they were mostly friends, still brothers. James though tries his best hopes to fix Sirius and regulus' friendship by Christmas.

Then there's Remus and Sirius who act like they only have each other in the world, James wonders when it was that Sirius stopped going to him for everything and started relying on Remus instead? He's not even sure that Sirius would've chosen to run away to James' if Remus' house was an option, but James doesn't want to dwell on that thought too much, the possibility of two of his best friends pulling away from him? He'd rather not think like that.
Though it's hard not to when it's not just those two, Peter. He thought he had Peter, he always had even before he met Sirius and Remus. But lately Peter's been hanging around with Mary McDonald a lot, he's happy for him, James is. Of course he is happy for Peter, having Mary like James had- has Sirius but again, that feeling of Peter pulling away from him tugs at his heart a little bit.

Then there's the girls. They were his friends, they were all the boys friends especially last summer when Him, Sirius, Remus and Peter went to Cornwall for 2 weeks and after the first they felt like they needed more people so Remus and James rounded up the four girls: Marlene, Mary, Alice and Lily;
Marlene McKinnon is a free spirit, the sort of girl you don't cross ever. She and James always did get along on the quidditch pitch, that's what they were, quidditch team mates, friends through sport otherwise he never spoke to her really.
Mary McDonald, she's a girl you also don't wanna cross, but in a way that even Marlene wouldn't win a fight with her and James had seen that happen; 3rd year, Mary and Sirius had a fling thing and Mary insisted Marlene was flirting with Sirius tryna get with him but Marlene denied it. They hadn't spoken to each other for 4 months after that even after mary broke up with Sirius because it 'wasn't working' but James always thought there was more to it. James hadn't thought about talking to mary about it, though back then she was just Lily's friend and all of Lily's friends he figured hadn't liked him very much back then.
Alice Fortescue is a sweet girl, he doesn't know much about her even after the summer, she's 2 years older than the rest of them; dating quidditch captain- Frank Longbottom. It was a mystery to James how no one yet everyone knows about them, rumour has it they started dating when James was in second year making them fourth year but no one truly knew about it until their sixth year, last year quickly making them the most popular and liked couple in almost the entirety of Hogwarts except Slytherin of course.

Lily, lily evans, she- James had liked her since first year the very first day they met and believe it or not they started off as friends just like Remus, Peter and Sirius had but when it was known that James and Snape hated each other Lily drifted away from James. James had never known quite how to let his feelings stew and then accept them so of course in the moments of hurt which was every time since then he saw lily, James started acting like he was an absolute goof. James would go to extreme lengths to make sure Lily wouldn't know she had hurt him that day, the day she had told him to stop talking to her and to stay away because Severus was her best friend. Somehow James didn't know, everyone in the school had come to the conclusion that James was Pining over lily, confessing his love for her at any given moment which James could see why they would think that but no that wasn't true. Did he like her? Yes of course he did, she was pretty and kind, the way she insulted him was like a song to his ears but it was no more than just a crush, infatuation maybe, or maybe even the thought of dating lily made him happy but it wasn't love like everyone expected.

Because if it was. Why would he feel the same way about Regulus Black?

Between first and third year James hadn't known much about regulus, just what Sirius had told him and mostly that was bad except the childhood memories he shared and moments Sirius would tell him were special, that being when their parents weren't around so that very much meant Hogwarts. James had always wanted to talk to regulus more often for sirius' sake more than his own but he didn't, not until last year. Sirius and regulus were getting on especially well last year, almost no arguments at all so James sought him out. James met with regulus every day at the astronomy tower after everyone went to bed, the time of day was because regulus was scared the other Slytherins would see him talking to a potter if it were during the day. James didn't care he was just happy that Regulus was willing to talk to him, of course Sirius had been asking James where he was going every night and James thought there was no harm in telling him, after all he's doing nothing wrong, but apart of James thought that maybe it was wrong, maybe it was more than just talking so he didn't say anything.