Ruby Sutherland Doesn't Break

Chapter One

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         "BABY."
         Ruby blinked awake and looked around her. They were in the plane still. They were still in the air. And Kara was gripping her bicep like she didn't want Ruby to get pulled away.
        Or maybe so Ruby couldn't run away.
        Ruby wasn't sure which was actually likely, but the situation felt like something was about to go bad. Maybe it was finally the moment when Kara was going to leave. Ruby tried to hide the way she wanted to put physical distance between them. She was used to people leaving. She even made sure to plan for it when she met anyone new. All human relationships held the possibility of being temporary, so she had needed to be ready to let go when the end started. Let go before anything could take them from her. Now it was going to be Kara, and she needed to not have them physically touching when it happened so that it would be easier to just let it happen. But Kara wasn't letting her shift out of her grasp.
        "Baby, I need to tell you something and have you just accept it. Okay?"
         Here it was. She could just taste it. The salt of the sweat building on her brow. She wouldn't cry, but she'd definitely sweat if she was going to be forced to handle the situation while being stuck next to the woman who would be her ex.
         "Tell me what?"
         But Kara just tightened her grip with one hand, pulled herself into a side sitting position, and slid her other hand into Ruby's underwear as if they were alone and naked. As if Ruby had said yes to it. But Ruby couldn't get her body to not react like it always did and sank into the touch, her heart in knots and a pit forming in her gut.
         "Not until you promise to not argue with it."
         As she spoke, Kara used Ruby's clit like a keyboard, spiking waves of pleasure through her body with a rhythm that nearly made her forget she hadn't wanted it. It was the same as whenever Ruby was ever upset or apprehensive or concerned. It was Kara's attempt at calming her. And it annoyed Ruby that it worked, or—more accurately—that she only could find true calm if she didn't try to fight her. So just for the sake of her sanity and the release she'd only get after, she agreed.
         "Fine, just tell me. I can accept it."
         Ruby hated how she sounded. It would be impossible to deny what Kara was doing if anyone heard her voice. Thankfully, Kara stopped her teasing and moved her fingers away from the sensitive spot. She didn't take her hand away even an inch. Ruby met her eyes and found that Kara was beaming. Not like she was simply happy, but more like she had just won a victory that couldn't be reversed. Like she could do whatever she wanted now without fear. Whatever she was going to say, she knew that Ruby wasn't going to fight her on anything.
         "I've never been monogamous and I never can be. I'm polyamorous."
          Ruby blinked. She knew the words Kara was saying meant something big. Some of the people in her art class friend group were polyamorous and talked about their partners—always in plural, as though it was a large group—and even discussed interesting concepts revolving around consent and openness and the differences between their individual styles... whatever that meant. But this wasn't her art class. It wasn't her queer centre's advertised polyamorous seminar either. This was Kara. Her girlfriend. This was her saying she had never been monogamous at all. A year after they started dating. If she hadn't already been, Ruby would need to sit down. She was confused. Was Kara admitting that there were other relationships? Or was this something she just recently decided she wanted to bring into their relationship and...what? The question crept out of her throat before she could really be sure she wanted the answer.
         "And what does that mean... exactly?"
         "Well there's a lot of variations and opinions that try to enforce unnecessary rules, but it means that I—as the polyamorous person—can't be with just one person. I need freedom and to explore and be with multiple people. But it doesn't mean I'm leaving you. Just the opposite. Now that you know, I don't have to worry and can have fun while we can be together and have a stable relationship to help ground me."
        Ruby's mouth dropped open. If Kara hadn't tossed out the idea of variety and different takes with rules, Ruby would have thought it was a lie. It didn't sound like the polyamory that she had witnessed. It sounded selfish and very clearly Kara was only thinking about it from the idea of how it affected her. It didn't feel good to consider. Like Kara was excitedly telling Ruby to be okay with cheating. But that was something she had heard, right? The partners had to discuss things and get permission before starting another relationship. There had to be consent by all involved and Ruby would be asked before Kara did anything. Right?
         "So..."
         Before she got anything more out, she felt Kara slip two fingers through her folds while using the heel of her palm to grind into Ruby's clit, stopping her words. And in the silence, Kara dropped the real bomb.
         "Oh, don't worry. I won't involve you. You don't have to worry about it at all. I'll just go do my own thing and I'll always come right back to you when I'm done."
          Suddenly, she was not being overwhelmed with waves of unasked-for pleasure. She didn't even feel her girlfriend's fingers or palm. She didn't feel anything at all. Kara's words just kept hitting her with an unreal numbness. It wasn't like what she had thought polyamorous was supposed to be. There was not going to be consent conversations or checking in. There would just be this. Kara informing her and using that as the wholesale stamp of approval, with Ruby's agreement unnecessary and only pulled out by unsolicited sexual acts in public. Somehow it was worse than what she had prepared for. Kara wasn't leaving. She was staying around and had practically just told Ruby that she was going to fuck other people no matter what Ruby did. All she could really do was what she promised already. She didn't fight.
          "Okay... I guess. So now..."
          "We're polyamorous."
          And just like that, the unease fractured and a familiar—if strange considering that they hadn't broken up—sense of numbness flooded through Ruby's body. It was the joint nature of the two words together. It meant that all the things that Kara had said was applicable to both of them. She wasn't the only one who could see other people while staying together in a relationship. She was giving Ruby permission to do the same. It was like Ruby had been cut free even if she didn't want to. She wasn't sure if she agreed with Kara's polyamory, but at least it wasn't just a way for Kara to justify cheating on her while expecting Ruby to just stay with just her. And apparently they weren't going to be cheating. Poly—from what she understood from things her classmates had said—was also called ethical non-monogamy. They were allowed to see other people without getting jealous or hurting each other. Even if Ruby hadn't been wanting it, she couldn't see downside. And Kara was not leaving her, so maybe it was fine... right? She took a breath and pulled Kara's hand out of her.
         "Right... okay. We're a polyamorous couple. Sure."
         She had had a plan. Spend the summer at home with the coven, get Kara introduced to her actual life, figure out the actual feelings she had, wait for the right moment, and then propose. The first two were always going to happen. There was no avoiding them at all, and right now? Ruby really needed the comforts of Bright Falls and the coven. She needed her moms. The sweet loving tenderness of her biological mother, and the friendly if brutal honesty and creative encouragement of Delilah. Because she was now terrified that she might be able to guess her feelings about her and Kara. Especially with how easy it was to be ready for her to leave, how weird she then felt to have Kara touch her like she always did when Ruby's hackles instinctively went up, how her stomach twisted when Kara promised to stay in spite of the fact she was going to or had been already sleeping around, and how she felt so relieved to have a way to justify staying while maybe finding someone else to be with.
        But she wouldn't leave.
        That wasn't her intention. She just would let go of Kara a little more in case Kara wanted to eventually leave. Which seemed to be where was all heading. How could there be a right moment if the relationship was this tenuous for her? Was this really the right person to propose to if she wasn't feeling like she could love and be loved by Kara? The woman who literally just dictated terms of being with other people and only being together in what felt like she meant platonic bestie roommate scenario.
        That wasn't what she wanted. But then what she wanted felt too dangerous because she might have to let someone in and hold on tight from the start. They might still pull away and she would be fine as long as she didn't let her emotions out or got invested. But the other option... she couldn't survive that again.
        No... for now, this would be fine. She wasn't going to be the one to leave. Either they'd find a way to make this all work, or Kara would leave. Either way, Ruby was going to give polyamory a fair shake. She'd even study up as best she could, just to have a better understanding of it. And maybe her and Kara weren't going to be the couple she had dreamed of, but maybe Kara had given her the chance to find someone who might actually be what she did want in a partner.