Denying Affinity (Affinity #1)

Meant To Be

"This is the first relationship that I've ever had, Logan. And if you'd ask me, I wouldn't mind you being the only one." dumilat ang mga mata ni Logan sa sinabi ko. Inalis niya ang mga kamay mula sa mukha ko at inalis ko rin ang kamay ko mula sa pisngi niya. "But asking me of something like this isn't fair. That kind of relationship is complicated. We'd both be constantly filled with doubts and mistrust. I don't want to be constantly waiting for our relationship to doom."

"Avis..." umiling-iling ako kay Logan at natahimik siya. Tiningnan niya ako na parang nawawalan na siya ng pag-asa. He already knows that my decision was absolute and that he couldn't change my mind.

I leaned in to Logan and pressed my lips against his. My eyes automatically closed. Kissing Logan is like kissing a wall. Not being he's not good at kissing but because I couldn't feel anything. Lust? Yes, definitely. But emotions that could thaw my cold and freezing heart? No, absolutely not. He doesn't have the power to make me melt.

The kiss that I gave him didn't involve tongue. Logan inserted all of his emotions in that kiss. I could feel his sadness, his grief, and desperation. I felt his longing. I felt all of it from him in just one kiss.

I broke away from him and gave him a wretched smile. I'd be lying if I'll say that I wasn't sad by this. He was still sitting next to me and yet I could already feel how I'll miss him. One year and almost eleven months of spending most of the time together will do that to you.

"Goodbye, Logan." my voice was soft, less unfeeling and cold than usual. Logan bit his lip. Something twinkled in his eyes. My heart clenched. He's trying hard to stop himself from crying.

I couldn't stay and not be broken by that sight. I was never good at confrontations like this. I've always avoided it because I knew that too much emotions could drown me.

Mabilis na lumabas ako mula sa sasakyan. Guilt would eat me alive if I'll see him cry. Ayaw ko ng nakakakita ng luha dahil nanghihina ako lagi kapag nakakakita ako ng ganoon. People think I'm strong because I was cold, but I'm only cold because I was too weak to face real emotions.

Pinindot ko na ang doorbell. Hinintay ko na buksan iyon nang biglang tawagin ni Logan ang pangalan ko. Tumalikod ako at nakita na nakababa ang isang bintana ng sasakyan niya. The front of our gate was elevated so I could see him without bending down.

"I'll come back for you. I promise you that." Narinig kong bumukas ang gate at binati ako ng guard pero hindi ko siya nilingon. Nanatili ang mga mata ko kay Logan at napangiti.

"We'll see." I exclaimed before turning my back and leaving him behind.

I wasn't able to sleep well because of what happened last night. Even my exploding ball of sunshine of a sister frowned when she saw me. Siguro ay dahil sa maitim ang ilalim ng mga mata ko.

"What's wrong with your face?" ngiwi niya sa akin at pinili ko na huwag siyang sagutin bago dumeretso sa dining area para kumain na ng breakfast. Pagkatapos bumati ng goodmorning ay hindi na ako nagsalita at tahimik na kumain na lang sa upuan ko.

Ang kapatid ko naman ay kabaliktaran ng katahimikan ko ngayong umaga dahil sa excited siya at puro kwento. She's excited because it would be her JS promenade within days. Saktong Valentine's Day ang kanilang prom. Perfect for couples. Naranasan naman niya ang prom last year pero mas excited siya dahil senior na siya ngayon.

Simula pa lang ng January ay kinulit na niya ako para samahan siyang kunin ang cocktail dress na ipinagawa niya kung sakaling hindi siya masasamahan ni Mommy.

Les is very persistent. She's good at charming people to get what she wants. Maging sa akin ay gumagana iyon. Just one pout and a right choice of words and she'll have me wrapped around her finger. Mana siya kay Mommy who's also good at convincing people into doing things that are against their will. She's very good at schemes too.