But What If || Neteyam x reader

Waiting In The Silence

      I would make up for how cold she'd gotten with all my warmth. At first, she resisted but I was determined and stretched out for her. I grasped one of her hands and felt a chill; damn she was so cold. I promised myself I would never let her hands get that cold again. I then lured her to me, wrapping my arm under my poncho quickly as she started to settle next to me. I gently pulled her back to lay with me, she fell back and tried not to completely rest on me. I wanted her to feel comfortable and the angle her neck was at was not. She and Tuk made eye contact and I found my opening as she already started to fade out in her resolve. I rested my chin on her head, the top of her head was surprisingly warm.

            As Lo'ak continued with a story I'd heard a thousand times I started to drift off, to keep myself awake, I moved my hand into my poncho, rubbing my thumb in a circular motion on (Y/N)'s arm. It was a soothing motion that my mother had done to get me to sleep before when I was younger. It seemed to work on (Y/N) too as she started to yawn, I thought about what it would be like to go to bed like this every night and a purr slipped. I immediately moved my chin as her head zipped up to look at me. I must've looked so purple, I couldn't believe that had just happened. That hadn't happened since I was a small child. I could feel her still staring at me and it did not help, being under her starstruck gaze was sending me into a panic. I could feel my heart racing as my ears rang with every beat. I tried my best to distract myself with the stars, naming every constellation I knew and finding Earth, the planet my father had pointed out to us a few times.

       Nothing worked as well as when (Y/N)'s tail started to wiggle. It was only for a few seconds as (Y/N) grabbed it quickly and then went back down to rest her head on my chest. I held back on chuckling and decided to just smile like a fool as she brought her hand back up to cover her face. Her tail was still wagging but it was more discrete as she then dragged her hand down her face. Letting the embarrassment from before go, I put my chin back on her head and let myself breathe. We stayed like that for a few more hours until my parents came back. By that time Kiri, Tuk, and (Y/N) were all out cold. "I'm guessing date night was a success?" My father looked pleased by the view of all of us. "Everyone is unharmed and mostly asleep." I could hear Lo'ak rolling his eyes at me for giving my report. "Good, Lo'ak head to bed."

      He moved on my father's orders and my mother came over and crouched next to me. "Are all the girls asleep?" She caressed her hand over Tuk's head. "Yes, they fell asleep some time ago." Mother smiled as she moved closer. "I will take Tuk inside then." She wrapped her arms around Tuk quickly. She seemed to like having Tuk back in her arms again. "I've got baby girl then." Father looked like he was telling my mother more than me. "Neteyam, will you be good to bring (Y/N) in?" I had been slowly starting to sit up making sure (Y/N)'s sleep was undisturbed. "Yeah, I've got her." He nodded, taking Kiri in one swoop. I was careful, I couldn't tell if (Y/N) was a light or heavy sleeper. I made sure to take my time too as I was enjoying how close she was to me as I carried her in. When I set her in her hammock I smiled at her peaceful face.

    Now that peaceful face was scaring me. My father was someone who I was trying to get answers out of as he knew more about guns than anybody I knew. The best answer he could give me, however, was that she might be stuck in a coma due to the amount of blood loss. I tried expressing to him that I was awake and had suffered the same amount of trauma so he sat me down. "I know this is hard son, but bullet words are unpredictable." She was just next to us, still motionless. "I'm just glad neither of you had any exit wounds." My father reached out to her cot to rest his hand. "But why would she be in a coma because of blood loss? We went the same distance and you said that my wounds were closer to my vital points than hers."

          My father sighed, moving his head to the side and he thought about what to say next. "Look Neteyam, I don't know exactly why she isn't awake. Trust me when I say I wish I did." I could hear my father's words. "But the best answer I can give you is that her leg wound might be the cause." I looked at him confused. "What do you mean?" He took another sign before continuing. "Tsireya mentioned that (Y/N) did her best to put pressure on your wounds, which saved you." He sounded like he was reassuring himself as he placed a hand on my knee. "But there was no pressure on her leg." Oh, Eywa, she was like this because of me. "It would be hard to determine how much blood she lost from not having any pressure on her wounds and still carrying you to safety." I moved my hand to my temple and eyes, rubbing them in response to my aching head.

      After my talk with my father, he forced me to leave and join the communal meal. I was starting to spend less time with (Y/N) and it was making me nervous. "No, 'cause that was insane!" Spider and Lo'ak were talking about something right next to me. "I know, I just knew I had to do something." I didn't feel like eating that much. "I couldn't just watch while you guys had all the fun." Lo'ak laughed. "Being tied to a rail was not fun." Tuk was in front of me when she chimed in. "And I still have a bruise from how hard I landed." From the current conversation, I could guess they were talking about the day the demon ship came. "Sorry, Tuk." She stuck her tongue out at Spider before taking a bite out of her food.

     I sighed and tried paying attention to anything else, out of every memory I didn't need to remember that one. It was always playing in my mind and I was always wondering what I could've done to help her. I felt so powerless every time as my memory was rough after getting shot. I tried thinking back to all the good times with (Y/N). There was one night, it was during one of our late-night swims when we ventured off further than before. "(Y/N), come on, we should head back." She gave a little pout, Eclipse had only just passed but we were far out enough that it would take us some time to return home. "But we just got here." I didn't understand where we were exactly. "What's here?" She motioned for me to follow her and went under, I didn't have the time to protest so I had no choice but to follow her. She led me under the coral and then under rocks. The more turns she took the more she hesitated on every one.

     I was about to catch her attention when she hesitated again. I was going to try and suggest we go home with sign language but she then realized which turn to take. She whizzed off in that direction and I followed behind with my shoulders slumped. It took a small while after that until she got to where she wanted us and I had to admit the view was stunning. There she was at my focus and center looking back at me smiling while the light from Polyphemus made her cheeks shine. Her spots were aligned with her complementary stripes that I could see with the rest of the glowing environment. "Tsireya told me about this spot. What do you think?" When she asked, I could feel the lack of her eyes. "It's beautiful." She smiled up to the sky, an occurrence that happened often. I followed her line of sight that was set on the stars.

         If I had dared to call her Tanhì then and confess to her I would have but something blocked my words from coming out. So instead of saying any words I sayed by her side in the water just looking up. Occasionally I would look at her starstruck gaze and smile, just thinking about how I wish she could be a little closer. My eyes lingered on her face, she hadn't noticed me staring and she would continue to not do so. I spent most of that night admiring her, I tried to remember every pore on her face and every stripe pattern. Her spots were glowing brightly that night as we stayed there for an hour or so.

     We had gotten back late, we would start to stay out late a lot more often. (Y/N) loved the late night swims and I could never say no. Though I had noticed when she didn't ask, she would link arms with Kiri or Tuk and just look up at the stars. I wanted her to rely on me like that and I hoped she would, but most times when she wouldn't ask to go I was tired and sometimes I wondered if she saw that and that was the reason she wasn't asking me. I sighed next to her cot, I was exhausted now, tired of waiting. I missed her deeply. I squeezed her hand, at least she was here and was doing well with healing. Our wounds were still there and recovering but they weren't fully healed yet.

      I rested my head down next to her, she was warm. As I exhaled I let myself rest further onto her, I started to close my eyes slowly. My surroundings started blurring and my limbs were finding places to rest next to her. I adjusted my body to change positions and pulled myself onto the cot bring her closer to me. I was mindful of her wounds as well as my own as I held her in my arms. I could rest easier with her next to me, I could hear her heartbeat and see her chest rise and fall. I had my hand around her wrist making sure she still had a pulse; I felt relieved like this. I knew she was still alive, and I could rest for the night knowing and feeling all the signs she remained alive.