Claircognizance / / J. Hale

{18 A Major Problem}

Evelyn Swan

"I like this one, I like it, I liked the dusty rose one too, okay I like this one it makes my boobs look good" Jessica praised as she finished putting on the pink dress she had gotten off a hanger.  Angela was standing next to her in a lilac dress both looking at their forms in the floor-length mirror. But before anyone could speak in reply there came a banging from the window as a group of men began to heckle at us. Their leering eyes seeming to linger over all of us individually, leaving a foul feeling in their wake as they moved on from us. 

"Oh god" Angela mumbled awkwardly as Jessica also added in with "That is uncomfortable" 

"That's disgusting" The words subconsciously fell from my mouth as the lingering disgust washed over me. Bella paid no mind nor comment as she continued to sit by the window reading her book.  

"Bella, What do you think?" Jessica asked, trying to include her more in the conversation as she still sat uninterested by the window.

"That looks great" she smiled unconvincingly. 

"You've said that about the last five dresses though" Jessica continued, pushing her for a more detailed answer.

"I thought they were all pretty good" She shrugged.  

"You're not really into this, are you?" Angela asked sympathetically.  

"I actually just really want to go to this bookstore, I'll meet you guys at the restaurant?" Bella questioned hopefully, looking to leave the dress shop as soon as she could.  

"Are you sure?" Angela continued, not wanting Bella to feel like she had to be excluded for not going to prom. 

"Yeah, yeah I'll see you in a minute" Bella paused for a brief second after collecting her bag and her coat. "Evelyn, come with me? just so I'm not alone?" I was taken aback by the request but saw no reason to deny it, if she did take too long for whatever reason it would be safer than being out on the street alone. I nodded and began to collect my own few belongings but just before we got to the door decided to leave some of my own advice. 

"Oh, Jess that dress looks the best on you as it compliments your figure the most, and Angela that colour suits your skin tone the most out of all the dresses you've tried on so far." I smiled before leaving with Bella to head towards the Thunderbird and Whale. 

There was a heavy and unspoken atmosphere that drifted between Bella and I as we entered the book shop, the words that had been left unspoken seemed to haunt us. The distance between my sister and I only seemed to lengthen since he have arrived in Forks and I found Jasper. Bella stopped coming to the diner with Dad and I, the only thing she seemed to be able to speak to me about was the Cullens and I was slowly feeling like I was becoming a stranger towards my once best friend. There was once a time that I would have killed for Bella's happiness, gone to the ends of the earth if it meant that she could have got the best out of life. Even if this sentiment wasn't reciprocated, I still would have done it. 

But now?

Now I found myself coming to realise that Bella's sphere of awareness included very few people outside of herself and her fixations, and that maybe I was never too far into her sphere to begin with. In the same way that Bella owed me nothing I was slowly coming to understand that I don't owe her anything either. These few weeks I had spent eating at myself and worrying about her reaction to the Cullen's secret was wasted time. As I watched Bella scan through the shelves with little regard for the world outside her, the questions I asked to help refine her search went unanswered and I think I understood the truth of it now.